Just in case my math was off…

“Then beware lest thou forget the Lord…”
Deuteronomy 6:12

 I calculated the simple square foot measurement of 15 x 12.

We were nearing the end of a basement remodel project and there was a small area where I had made a last-minute decision to change the flooring plan. There was no time to order materials and wait for shipping- but I had found a product I liked at the local Sam’s Club warehouse. 

I arrived as soon as they opened, hoping the product I had seen several days prior had been freshly stocked. I had figured I needed 20 boxes of flooring. I took an oversized cart and went straight to the flooring aisle and was delighted to see that although there was no new stock- there was enough. With the exciting energy of a flooring solution. I loaded the 10 boxes I needed onto my cart- grabbed an 11th- just in case my math was off (I know…) and went straight for the check stand. 

The cashier rang up my total bill. I slid my card trying to make sense of the final amount I owed. I double-checked with the cashier that she rang up all 11 boxes. She confirmed they were all accounted for. I assumed my math was off on how much I would owe. I had always been naturally good at math. But the concussion that had been plaguing me for months wreaked havoc on my simple mathematical skills. It was frustrating, but I had already reconciled with God that my situation could have been much worse and that I could regain that which seemed lost physically. 

I took my large boxes of flooring and loaded them into the back of my car. As I loaded them, I realized my miscount…

I determined I was 5 short… (I know…)

I returned to the store and retrieved 5 more boxes. I loaded them feeling pretty accomplished that I had just heaved these heavy boxes first onto the cart and then into my car- all by myself. 

I paused…

Looked at the coverage square foot listing on the box and turned to my calculator on my phone. 

I was “off”…

Still…

Really “off”…

I fought off the lump in my throat. 

Concussions are tough. It’s easy to get frustrated at what your brain is falling short of. Some days, words were hard to find, light sensitivity was bothersome and the headaches were an absolute constant companion. But I had already committed to God and myself that I could handle it…Perhaps therein lay the problem. I was trying to handle it too much on my own. 

At first, I prayed daily for my own healing. It felt a bit selfish with all of the suffering in the world that I would pray for my own healing- but it also seemed ridiculous to not exercise my faith in doing so. As days turned into weeks, and then into months, I became less faith-filled and less diligent in asking God for daily help. 

As I turned to enter the store for the third time, I was now running late with an errand that should have been simple…

I wanted to quit…

I got momentarily down on myself for my inability to even complete the simplest of tasks…

And then with likey the help of a higher power – I quit being so mean to myself. 

I recognized that math was not my biggest problem. Pride was…

I had to get real with myself…

It’s okay if things are different now. It’s okay if the notes on my phone have tripled – filled with seeming inconsequential information that I’m having trouble remembering. It’s okay that I put sticky notes everywhere to try and capture my attention reminding me of something important. 

It’s all okay…

What’s not okay is me thinking I can do it on my own. 

Such has never been the case when I’ve dealt with important matters and perhaps a sizable part of my journey is recognizing that I need not try and do anything “alone.” 

Independence is a beautiful thing- unless…until it means forgetting my Savior’s sacrifice and the accompanying enabling powers made possible therein…

I had temporarily forgotten that my Heavenly Father welcomes any and all requests for His help…Even if I’m just counting to twenty. 

-JC

Peppermint Bark Shortbread Cookies

1 cup cold butter, cut into small pieces
1 cup powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 ½ cups all-purpose flour
¼ cup dark cocoa
¼ teaspoon salt
Add all ingredients at once to the food processor. Mix on high for approximately 1-2 minutes or until dough forms a ball. Add 1 Tablespoon additional flour for high elevation. Scoop out 16 – 1 ¼“ dough balls. Roll and flatten to ¼”. Refrigerate for 2+ hours. Bake at 350 degrees for 13-15 minutes. Let cool for 10 minutes. Top with melted  peppermint flavored candy melting discs. (6 oz. vanilla melting discs mixed with ½ teaspoon peppermint extract.) Immediately top with Peppermint Crunch. Drizzle with a dark chocolate bar, if desired.  Let set. Share!