She Deserves That From Me…

I’ve picked up a part-time job. 

After the third day, I had worn everything I owned that wasn’t better suited for a class at the gym…
I had no other options and decided it was time to go shopping. 
Jess was away at college, but I came home and tried on all of the clothes, taking a picture of myself in the full-length mirror in my closet to send for her vote. The pictures looked a bit grainy…
I had yet to clean all of the construction dust from everything in my house following a recent remodel. I thought I had found it all. But it kept showing up in places- like the mirror in my closet.   

Jess would give thumbs up to the outfits she liked and then told me as if I didn’t know- 
“Your mirror is dirty…”

I’ve been doing so much work lately to try and clean up the reflection in the “mirrors” of my life. I’ve been working to see the girl who stares back at me the way God sees her.
I’ve been working to spend more time talking with Him- about her and how she’s doing… How she’s showing up in her life and whether she ever dials in with enough grace and patience to be an instrument in His hands. 

Enough grace…

My junior year of high school came with some healthy adjustments to my new life in my new town in Pennsylvania. I really liked the PE teacher, Ms. R. She was small in stature yet fiery in personality.  You didn’t mess around with her. She spoke straight and truthfully.  I felt like high school PE class was the closest thing to recess for teenagers… I hated sitting all day so I looked forward to my assigned hour with Ms. R.

Each quarter our focus would shift to a new sport. One day we arrived at the gym and my mouth dropped open… 
“Wait…Is this for us…?” were my thoughts that may or may not have escaped out loud…

Our high school gym was set up like a room I had only imagined from watching the Olympics on TV. It had been transformed with gymnastics equipment- a balance beam, rings, uneven bars… and lots and lots of mats.

For the next few months- I learned new techniques and stretched my abilities in an area way out of my comfort zone.
Following our last class at the end of the quarter, as was customary, Ms. R. told us we could swing by her office and see our quarter grade that would be posted to our academic transcript.

I quickly entered Ms. R’s office, exchanged pleasantries, and without much concentration, I quickly looked to see the typical A grade next to my name.  
I did a double-take, verified it was my name, and panicked. I couldn’t hide the instant stress, anxiety and quiver in my voice as tears welled up in my eyes.  I turned to leave.  I assumed the C grade would affect my chances for college scholarships, entrance acceptances and every other dramatic thought a near straight A student has…

Ms.R. calmly called me by name. I turned back towards her trying to swallow through the giant lump in my throat while still fighting off the tears that were trying really hard to escape my now slightly reddened eyes. She simply said, “Jackie- you are a hard worker, but you lack grace.”

She was referencing my physical grace-
And- she wasn’t wrong…
Her comment has lingered with me throughout the years and has with its memory offered some self-assessment.

I had the grit-
But lacked the grace. 
I underestimated how much I needed to understand grace- for myself and an increased ability to offer it up to others.  I had developed patterns of prayer and love for my Father in Heaven.  But I struggled to connect dots as to how I could tap into grace only available through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I tried to bust my way through life constantly frustrated in my inability to stop making mistakes. I then just tried harder to stop making them- followed by insurmountable failures. In turn, I assumed I was just too imperfect to be numbered as a follower or disciple of Christ.

The Atonement of Jesus Christ is the avenue for perfect grace. 
My Savior teaches me through His perfect love how to reserve cruel self-judgment, and exhale thoughts and ideas that are not useful. 
He teaches me perfectly how to lean on divine strength and love the imperfect me. 

When Jess told me my mirror was dirty. I laughed. Out loud- alone in my closet. 
And my first thought was,  “Girl- it’s way cleaner than it was a few years ago…”

I’ve been choosing to do the work. -To learn how to quickly forgive and love the girl who stares back at me. In so doing- I have plenty of love and forgiveness for others. 
It’s such a freeing concept- with accompanying peace.

Today, I’ll grab some Windex and a paper towel-
And the thought towards my reflection…
“You’re doing ok….
Keep working…
Keep believing…
Keep trusting in God…
His grace is always available to you…”
Then with a wink and a nod- I’ll be on my way. She deserves that from me.

Grit can never replace grace. 
Grace is required for progression, peace and happiness.
-In gymnastics and in life…

-JC

Turtle Cookies

1 cup soft butter
½ cup oil
1 ¾ cups brown sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 ½ cups flour
1 cup dark cocoa
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 ½ cup milk caramel baking chips
1 cup mini semi-sweet chocolate chips

Cream butter, oil  and brown sugar with an electric mixer on medium-high for 3 minutes or until well blended. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Scoop out approximately 24 -2” balls of dough.  Gently roll and flatten slightly. 
Combine:
½ cup caramel baking chips
½ cup mini semi-sweet chocolate chips
½ cup toasted pecan pieces
Press 1 Tablespoon of mixture on top of each cookie. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet.  Bake at 375 degrees for 10+ min. Let cool. Drizzle with Caramel Sauce and sprinkle with sea salt if desired.
Let set. Share!