The High Dive Was No Joke

I slowly climbed each rung with increasing unsteadiness . My arms and legs were shaky and my pounding heart could nearly be heard. I felt my toes clasp around the metal runs with greater deliberateness the higher I went. 

It was my first time climbing the rungs that would take me to the fiberglass platform. I had gathered enough courage to make the climb. But as I inched my way out to the edge of the platform my mind circled with which decision would be worse: Do I make the unsteady climb backwards down to the ground or crazily make a fearful jump into the swimming pool below?
The high dive was no joke.

I didn’t want to be one of those people who held up the line. I didn’t want to be one of those people who garnered the attention of everybody in the swimming pool who then felt like they needed to cheer on the poor soul who was mentally screaming inside, stuck between the fears of all available options .There was all sorts of crazy going on in my head.  It would only be made worse if they were chants from the sidelines encouraging me to jump.

So I quickly decided just to do it. -Just jump.
Thus, I awkwardly, with a seemingly running start, engaged in a free-fall from the high dive. I forgot to take a deep breath in. I’m not sure it would’ve done any good anyway. As whatever breath I had left quickly exited as my body hit the water. I went into the swimming pool much deeper than I even thought was possible. It seemed like forever as my arms uselessly tried to propel myself upward again. I felt like I was in the water forever. Yes. It was absolutely a dramatic uncontrolled feeling.

And yet there’s no other way to experience those feelings. There’s no other way to look up from the deep water and see the sunshine through the filter of water. There’s no other way to describe feeling like you have no breath and therefore doing all within physically possible to return to the surface for air. There’s no other way to describe the sounds nor the near-silence of noise filtered through deep water.

There’s also no other way to describe how once you surface and look around, it’s as if you were never in the deep. People around you don’t react or respond as though you had just endured, suffered, and experienced the deep waters around you. Life didn’t change for them. Hearts didn’t race around you. Breath resumed at a normal cadence for everyone else. I was in the deep. Only me. I was the only one experiencing it.  And I’m the only one who surfaced with the knowledge that I could. Which I’m not sure I understood -until I did.

I feel like in life God sometimes allows me to be in deep waters. If I’m calloused enough on any given day, I might even accuse Him of throwing me in.

It’s in those deep waters of life that I’ve learned and gained wisdom. It’s in those deep waters where I learn empathy and understanding for others because of the things I experience myself. It’s in those deep waters where my lens changes. I learn to scroll out. I’ve learned to adapt to a different view of what is happening in my life. I work to borrow my Heavenly Father‘s eternal lens to try and see from His view what is happening. I try to see what He wants me to learn, and who He wants me to emerge as.  

It’s only truly then that I can ascend to the platform with greater faith. My toes still wrap around every step.  Yet, my hands clasp the rails with greater calm and surety knowing the climb is part of the eventual descent into deep waters…

Attentiveness in step and grip on the climb is part of the entire process.

Whether it’s today’s journey or an agreement made in a more celestial realm, I know God is allowing me to enter deep waters that I have agreed to dive into. I feel reassurance that the hand offered by my Savior offers strength and power beyond my own. And I’m grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who is patient with me on the climb and allows me to have faith in the struggle to the surface

God doesn’t allow re-dos in life. I don’t get to go back and live any of my days wiping out the choices I’ve made or experiences I’ve had. There is so much obvious celestial intelligence in this. The climbs I make, having faltered or succeeded on previous days are part of the wisdom I get to take with me the next time I climb. This refining process is exactly as it needs to be. Therefore regret needs to be left behind. It is useless. As I look in my past, there are always things I would have done differently with the knowledge I’ve gained since the experience. I work to allow such to propel me to change as I move forward. Getting stuck is a choice. It doesn’t serve me well.

As seasons changed, I was filled with excitement on the first day of the pool opening each summer. I quickly joined the long line of kids who stood awaiting their turn to climb up to the fiberglass platform.  There were many each year who paused at the top.  Some climbed the unsteady rungs back down and some jumped with silent or verbal screams.  I understood both- completely.  And I was ever grateful for the thrill I felt as I learned to jump and then dive with greater confidence, absolutely knowing that I would resurface, swim to the side and rejoin the line for another go around.  

I’m working on embracing the climbs in my life with more of a mirrored approach to the high dive.  I still ascend with shaky arms and legs, and a pounding heart. But in the end, I’m grateful for the climb, the dive, and the ability to resurface with greater knowledge, having felt the love of my Father in Heaven and Savior journeying with me.

-JC

Maple Glazed Waffle Cookies

¾ cup soft butter
¼ cup sour cream
½  cup vegetable oil
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon maple extract
3 ½ cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon cornstarch
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon salt

Cream butter, sour cream, oil and sugars with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and maple extract; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Scoop out approximately 24 -2” balls of dough. Gently roll into balls. Flatten slightly.  For a richer flavor and smoother texture, refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet.  
Bake at 350 degrees for 12+  min.
Drizzle with Maple Glaze. Let set. Share!

Maple Glaze

4 Tablespoons melted butter
½ cup maple syrup
½ teaspoon maple extract
2 cups powdered sugar
Dash of salt

Blend all ingredients in a food processor until smooth.  Set aside in freezer strength quart-sized Ziploc until ready to use.