I Was Hungry

I recently found myself on an unexpected walk across a University I attended over 30 years prior. Most of it looked exactly the same. I recognized the buildings and even remembered a few classes I had attended as I strolled past familiar landscape. 
I also remembered certain places because of the people I met there or feelings that seemed to rush back whether invited or not.

I approached the concave front of the administration building. 
“I hate this place.” We’re the immediate thoughts that filled my mind. 
It was a strange initial reaction to seeing it again for the first time in decades. I thought I was over “ it”.
But according to my subconscious unfiltered reaction, I wasn’t. 
I remember many frustrating hours spent there. 

One early fall day of my Sophomore year, I took a number and scanned the waiting room. It was filled with uncomfortable seemingly uninviting plastic seats. 
It was a time in life before cell phones or tablets. 
People sitting in a waiting room could only pass time with books or their own thoughts. 
I sat away from anyone else to avoid awkward conversations. 
I didn’t want to discuss why I was there, the desperate nature of my visit, or hear about anyone else’s problems. 

I was hungry. And literally silently praying that my number would be called and I’d be soon leaving with my financial aid check. 
The progression of numbers seemed slow. I didn’t understand what took so long as each student approached the window. 
I also didn’t understand why there weren’t more windows open. 
I formed clear opinions about how If management understood the hunger pains I felt and (literally) walked a mile in the broken down shoes of any of us in here, they would staff the window with a friendlier faster problem solver. 

My number was finally called. 
I gave the solemn lady my name and social security number. 
She spent way too long looking at her computer screen in silence. 
Without telling me any details, she pulled a piece of paper from a file with a few blanks and boxes to be checked. 
“Your paperwork needs an adjustment. 
Fill this out, place it in the bin and you should get your check by next week.”

She had no empathy, no understanding and no way to really help me. 
Did I mention I was hungry?…

My financial aid check was delayed again. I must have missed something on the original form. 
I held back tears and fought through the dry lump in my throat as I more carefully filled out the form. 
I suffered in silence. 
Hunger and a nearly vacant bank account was my Invisible Goliath. 

A week later, I exited the same building with a skip in my step and a prayer of gratitude. 

In the wait-
There was no financial miracle. Yet I didn’t feel betrayed by God. 
I didn’t need one as proof of His existence or love for me. 

Sometimes life is tough. Sometimes it’s our own decisions that result in a cause and effect that God literally let’s play out. 
I had been entrusted with all of the opportunities in my life then and now: the moments of glory and the struggles. 

God does not lose watch over or abandon me.
I’m grateful for that knowledge. It helps me keep perspective to embrace the chance to grow, refine, climb and draw closer to Him. 

I know hunger- but I also know that God’s law of compensation is real. As I battled in the trenches during those years- there were some hard days. 
But God blessed me with amazing roommates and others who I was honored to call friends. I had clarity as I studied and did well to retain the spread of information flooding me in my classes. I was blessed with safety as I walked at 3:30am nearly a mile for my 4am custodial shift each day. 
Angels- seen and unseen were part of God’s compensation for the miracle He withheld. I’m grateful for His perfect love and lessons He entrusted me with during my years at that University. 

My stroll a few weeks ago was chilly. After I passed the administration building, I was quickly able to “see” what God was doing for me during that time in my life. 
He did not lose watch over me –
And with a greater step in faith I’m working to try and “see” how He is working to guide and compensate me today.

-JC

(Gluten-free) FlufferNutter Crunch Cookies

6 cups peanut butter chex cereal
10 oz. gluten-free mini marshmallows
3 cups white baking chips
¾ cups peanut butter
Dash of salt

Combine Chex cereal and mini marshmallows in a large bowl. Set aside.  Melt baking chips and peanut butter in a microwave safe bowl. Stir in salt. Pour peanut butter mixture over cereal mixture. Toss until combined. Spoon out large cookies onto parchment paper or press them into a 9″ x 13″ greased pan. Drizzle with melted chocolate bar if desired.
Let set. Share.