The Rear-View Mirror

I remember the first day I drove alone. It was several months past my 16th birthday when I finally got my driver’s license. I had met many of the requirements and passed the Drivers Education course- but my commitments to the high school volleyball team left me with little extra time to go to the DMV and take my test to get my license. 

One Saturday, Coach had arranged for a special volleyball clinic organized by Penn State. One of the most critical skills I learned was how to safely fall without getting injured. I learned the importance of playing a ball that could only be played as I left the stability of my feet and took a dig in the air or laid out on the ground. I was taught to use my continued momentum to roll over my shoulder and quickly return to my feet to remain in the game of quick play. 
I loved it. 

Falling is something I have always done often (in life and in volleyball) and the day Penn State Volleyball came to my school I realized it can be a skill learned to do really well. 
I felt that maybe there was a place for me (in this world) if I learned that sometimes I can only succeed while falling. Then, learning to roll through the falls and land quickly on my feet. It was actually a remarkable skill set. 

(Reread that- with life parallels.)

Finally- a break in my high school volleyball schedule allowed me the opportunity to secure a driver’s license. My older sister, Mom, and I all shared a car- so it was rare that I ever used it. But on this particular day- I had a side gig of cleaning the neighbor up the hill’s house and I was allowed to drive myself. I remember manually adjusting all of the mirrors despite it being a two-minute drive. The rear-view mirror was positioned perfectly encompassing the view seen through the window of the hatchback car. 

Today, As I spend time and energy discussing and developing concepts for change, I often think about what can be seen in the rear-view mirrors of our lives- and whether it’s helpful. 
I think of my own past and the stories I remember. 
The stories I tell are my stories. Some of them are written to preserve the past. Some of them are written to understand the past.
It gives me pause to form and seek clarity on the question:

Looking In the rear-view mirror of my life…
Is it a Stumbling block?
Or
Necessary for clarity?

Obviously, the answer is an all-inclusive BOTH!
There is great danger in looking without God’s lens of understanding as to what is helpful and what can be destructive. And for certain- it is never helpful to linger in wishing for the past or to try and live in it. 

I remember the audible gasps that escaped from my mouth as I watched Disney’s The Lion King for the first time. This was a kid’s movie. Did I really just witness the gruesome scenes of death, deceit, and mayhem?! It was not a relaxing evening watching a movie, but rather a time filled with countless thoughts for pause. 

In the movie, Simba has a moment of reflection.
Rafiki wisely tells him that “Change is good…”
Simba regretfully realizes he’s been running from his past and the perceived misdoings and realizes he may need to face it. Rafiki breaks Simba’s contemplative remorse and strikes him. Simba seeks clarity regarding the blow, noting the pain from it. 

“It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past…Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.” -Rafiki from Disney’s The Lion King. 

Sometimes I feel like I do both. I feel like I say and do a lot of stupid stuff. On any given day as I spend time in reflection, I can easily summarize my day with a simple phrase. 
“Mistakes were made…”
Sometimes the errors and misgivings were only clouding my mind- and sometimes they play out aloud- very aloud. 🤦🏽‍♀️

If I compile the list of over 50 years of mistakes, I might as well see the devil smiling in delight knowing he’s got me. If I spend too much time in daily review of how often I stumble, I can quickly forget who I really am. 

I am a daughter of God. 
He knows I’m imperfect and He loves me anyway. I need to show up with that badge of love, worn in His image if I want to have even a microscopic chance of being counted on to do His will. 

So how do I see through the rear-view mirror of life? 
Simply put-
It’s the avenue for forgiveness. 
Myself and others. 

Anytime I’m holding someone else accountable for the mistakes they’ve made in their past – I’m wrong. 
Anytime I refuse to forgive myself for past mistakes- I’m wrong. 

God forgives and forgets. 
He doesn’t grant me the miracle of forgetfulness- only forgiveness. 
So I can think about the wisdom of Rafiki.  I can ponder on my own stories. I can continue to claim them, write them, and determine their endings with each decision I make. 

The rear-view mirror can be helpful- but as I drive through the roads of life- my eyes facing forward will determine my greatest works, blessings, resources, and destinations. 

In the fall of 1986, I meticulously positioned my rear-view mirror. But the most important takeaway from that season was learning how to fall and get back up. I may have perfected it in the literal sense over a two-day clinic, but as the years have passed I realize the importance of recognizing mistakes, and not letting them paralyze me, dissuade me , or shame me into not being able to progress. As I offer myself grace, acknowledging the importance of this, it becomes super easy to offer others grace when they fall. 

I need God to keep His promise to me that he will forgive and forget. And in so doing, it reminds me to offer the same sentiment toward my fellow travelers.

-JC

Peanut Butter Brownie Cups

20 oz.(ish) brownie mix
Egg
Oil
Water
Peanut Butter Chips
Peanut Butter
Mini semi-sweet chocolate chips

Make Brownie miz as directed on the box. (I used Ghirardelli Triple Chunk because I wanted the chunks of chocolate.) Spoon brownie batter into 12 muffin baking cups, (with or without paper liners.) Sprinkle some peanut butter chips in the center of each one. Bake at 350 degrees for 25+ minutes. Remove from the oven and let the centers drop a bit as they begin to cool. You can drop the centers a bit further with the back of a spoon. Add a rounded teaspoon of peanut butter in the center of each brownie cup and then sprinkle with mini semi-sweet chocolate chips.
Let set. Share.