I saw leaves… just leaves…

I hated them and felt guilty that I had those feelings. I knew they were expensive. I held them in their plastic case wishing the eye doctor hadn’t told me how much I needed them. However, I knew I did- I couldn’t see clearly. The chalkboard- from the back of the classroom- was completely blurry. I compensated by listening more carefully and borrowing the notes of a neighboring classmate from their paper without asking.

We neared our home and I unfolded my glasses and put them on. I wouldn’t make it back to school before it was over for the day so I had some time to adjust to my first pair of glasses before my classmates would weigh in.
Turns out the huge maple tree in the neighbor’s yard had individual leaves on it after all.
Figures… I think I’d heard that before…
I could see each one perfectly- and yet I’m not sure I wanted to.
Wearing glasses seemed like a big price to pay to see. What would the kids at school say? Would they tease me? I had heard “Hey 4 eyes!…” and giggles towards others plenty of times.

Gratefully, my eye doctor told me I only needed to wear them in the classroom. Not a recess- not at home. I held my case tightly as I walked to school the next day.
I said nothing to anyone about my glasses.
During class, I quickly put them on, scanned the chalkboard, and committed it to memory. As quickly as they came out of their case- I put my glasses back in- hoping no one noticed.
The truth is- I only needed to wear my glasses when I wanted to see.
If I was content to be shy, or embarrassed, or prideful- I didn’t need glasses.

If I wanted to see…
I did.

I’m looking for a different kind of clarity today. It’s been cloudy and atypically cold lately. I am blessed with a few days out of town. As the plane shook a bit with turbulence climbing through the thick cloud layer- I distracted myself with an early Christmas movie I had downloaded on my phone.
Soon, there was a glare on my screen. I quickly paused my movie and took a picture out the airplane’s window of the sun getting ready to turn brilliant colors of red and yellow over the next hour of my flight. It was a beautiful reminder that hard (cloudy) days do come to an end and sunshine will return.

My trip is a fairly quick one. After the first night- I begged God for perfect clarity on what he would have me do with my life right now. Another move has left me a bit restless. A friend shared a familiar thought with me. I appreciated the reminder.
In my quest for discipleship-
It’s a simple question.
“What would Jesus do?”
It’s that perfect clarity I want to know.

As a kid, the first day I put my glasses on- I saw the neighbor’s tree.
I didn’t see the chalkboard, the sunset, the faces of people far away, or anything else on the first day. I saw what was there. I did not see all of the tomorrows- nor did I know the joys or struggles that my tomorrows would bring.
I saw leaves… just leaves…

The other day, my morning walk included a stroll through a few fallen leaves…
It left me with some questions.
I was anxious to “see” my son and his sweet wife whom we had traveled to visit.
I was excited to see the city they now call home and just be with them.
Their years of struggles with health issues have refined them. They emanate goodness and light. I feel blessed, honored, and humbled to be with them. There is so much sacrifice from them to remain optimistic, searching, and climbing toward better health. And yet-
They don’t quit…
They keep –
Smiling
Loving
Working hard
Looking outward
Sharing goodness.

This son is the middle child…
Just before his second grade school year, I purchased some closet organizers for him and his brother. There were each of the five school days stitched onto a fabric tab and a cubby just above each day of the week.
On Saturdays, the boys were asked to put their clothes away and into their cubbies for the following week.
The idea was that I could take a quick look and see that things looked ok to simplify and streamline our busy mornings- getting the boys off to school and meeting the needs of my toddler.
The boys walked a few blocks to school each morning. After school, I would often meet them at the top of the hill across the school playground and walk home with them. As I waited at the top of the hill for the boys to emerge together, I’d see my younger son wearing something seemingly completely different than what was in his closet cubby for the day. Clearly, it had been covered by a jacket in the morning before he left for school. He often wore one of his favorite jerseys and multiple SETS of wristbands.

One day as he moved his way up the hill from school, his glasses sat extremely crooked on his face- smeared with the day’s childhood grime. I noticed him wearing his favorite Allen Iverson jersey for the third day in a row.
He wore shorts despite my encouragement that he might get too cold.
And then I began to count.
He had wristbands on his wrists, biceps, calves, and one ankle. He completed his look with a dinghy headband that likely needed replacing but at minimum sent into a washing machine.
I heard his giggle before I could articulate the conversation he was having. He was happy. He chose happiness-
Over and over again.
I watched in awe as at a young age he voided the opinions of others that could potentially tear him down. He seemed to create a norm that was replicated by others. I marveled at his strength. And yet- God knew the strength my son would need at his current phase of life and blessed him to develop it while he was young.

So here I am in the zip code he now calls home- reflecting on his journey towards strength and fortitude, awaiting the text that he’s done with his internship commitments, meetings, and studies for the day. I get to see him and his sweet wife this evening.
I’m the mom- I’m supposed to come to town and lift their burdens- and yet-
I’m the one who is lifted, elevated, and inspired.

As I sit on the outdoor patio of the hotel, I can see all of the leaves on the nearby trees. I can clearly see the ladybug’s dots as it climbs up the table leg as I enjoy a mild day in early November.
And I can see that the things God needs me to see most clearly are right in front of me.
My search for more clarity can be part of my story- but not at the expense or depleted energy of doing today’s work, or enjoying today’s blessings. If I’m constantly searching for “more” -I’ll likely miss seeing what’s already obviously laid out.

-JC

Cookie Dough Krispy Treats

Make a batch of:
Marshmallow Krispy Treats
6 Tablespoons butter
10 ½ cups mini marshmallows
½ teaspoon salt
10 oz. marshmallow creme
9 cups Rice Krispies

In a large microwave safe bowl, melt butter with marshmallows for 1+ minutes.
Stir until smooth. Stir in salt.  Stir in marshmallow creme. Add Rice Krispies.  Gently fold until combined. Empty into a greased 9 x 13 pan. Spray hands with non-stick cooking spray. Use your hands to gently flatten and even out treats. Press together pieces of Cookie Dough and layer onto Marshmallow Krispy Treats layer. Freeze for 30 minutes. Cut into squares. Dip into soft chocolate made with 16oz. Chocolate bar and 2 Tablespoons coconut oil. Sprinkle with mini chocolate chips. 
Simplify treats by skipping the freezer step and top with 8 oz. melted chocolate mixed with 1 Tablespoon coconut oil. Sprinkle with mini chocolate chips.(Coconut oil is optional. It creates a softer chocolate layer.) 
Let set. Share.

Cookie Dough 
¾  cup soft butter
¾ cup granulated sugar
¾ cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 Tablespoons milk or cream
1 ½ cups flour (bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes, then sift, and cool)
⅓ teaspoon salt
1 cup mini chocolate chips

Cream butter, sugars, vanilla and milk with an electric mixer on medium-high for 30 seconds or until well incorporated. Stir in flour and salt. Mix well. Stir in chocolate chips.