My Hands Were Numb and I was Mad…

I was cold. My hands were numb and I was mad…

I pulled the lawnmower pull cord three more times in compromised form with my achy, red, frozen hands, screamed a bit, and kicked the stupid thing before walking inside. I had half an acre of overgrown grass to mow with an old push mower. 

I was having a hard afternoon. The sun never got as warm as the weatherman said it would. I was mad at him- for lying to me- mad at my husband- not for traveling out of town on business- but rather for being right about the mower and mad at myself for not replacing the lawnmower when my husband suggested we do so. 

I went straight to the pantry mad that my stupid arms were so weak I couldn’t get it started. I was mad that I hated the gym and constantly cheated myself out of reps of bicep curls. 

I ate a few handfuls of cold cereal, a bag of chips, and a handful of chocolate.  My blood sugars realigned as I cracked open a mid-afternoon Diet Coke. I chastised myself for being mad…

I mentally calmed myself with a few more drags of my soda, warmed my hands under a hot faucet, and returned to my task. A simple prayer of “I’m sorry I’m grumpy but please help me get this stupid thing started…” was barely silently uttered before the ripcord extended fully and the lawnmower putted and a bit of white smoke blew into the air. I adjusted the choke and began the chore. 

That season of my life was filled with gains in knowledge of how God was working to help me see Him. I knew true strength was not gained at the gym. (Perhaps that’s why I felt less guilty about not going.) I was beginning to learn about the greatest source of power in my life. I had always thought it to be prayer. But I was beginning to learn that the greatest power came from my access to the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Both communications through prayer and access to my Savior’s Atonement were distinctly different gifts from a perfect loving Father in Heaven.   

I studied a particular verse of scripture often and began to let it become my mantra. 
“And he (Christ) shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.”
Alma 7:11

Pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind?!?! That’s a big deal!

It’s teaching me that the Atonement of Jesus Christ covers and compensates for ALL of the hard stuff and struggles- no matter who or what caused them. -Even the invisible hard…
I get to find relief, power, and strength despite the weakened mortal ability to rise above it. I am enabled to be strong because of and through my Savior, Jesus Christ. 

How do I tap into it?
How do I claim this strength? 

I’m figuring this out and in different seasons, the details change a bit.  The first step is belief… I absolutely believe it’s possible- I have faith in the concept. So then my actions have to speak that truth. I tell God I want to and am willing to accept the power available to me through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I quit trying to do so much on my own. I pray more- not just for help- but to connect with my Heavenly Father. In so doing- I let go. As I purposefully listen, God tells me what to let go of. There is so much power and peace in that.

For all things that are mine to do- I’m working to more fully choose to not go at it alone. I look around- what angels (on this side of the veil and the other) has God placed in my life? Are they here to physically help me, or just sit with me (literally or figuratively)? Loneliness has been a road I have travelled over and over. I’m not the victim of circumstance, but rather have chosen to allow loneliness to be part of my story.  It’s only part of my story when I fail to seek out the angels. I’m working on writing a new chapter to my story.

As for strength- I still skip the gym often but am becoming more adept at acquiring great gains in understanding the source of true power. It always begins with talking to God- telling Him the truth- and then walking in faith with the answer.

-JC

Brown Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies with Sea Salt

1 ¼  cups browned butter, chilled back to solid form
¾  cup granulated sugar
1 ¼ cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 ⅓+ cups all-purpose flour 
1 teaspoon baking soda
¾ teaspoon salt
2+ cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
3 oz. grated chocolate bar

Cream cooled browned butter, and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1+ minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla extract; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Stir in chocolate chips and grated chocolate. Scoop out approximately 18 3” balls of dough.  Gently roll. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake.  Sprinkle with sea salt flakes. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 385 degrees for 12+ min. If you make your cookies smaller, adjust baking temp and time.
Let set. Share!