…Cradled Her Chocolate Milk

I pulled into the gas station, unbuckled my toddler from her car seat, clasped her hand, and tried to keep up as she excitedly ran into the market with me.
She headed straight for the refrigerated drinks, and without exchanging very many words, I pulled the small carton of chocolate milk from the shelf and handed it to her. I poured my fountain drink of choice, a Diet Coke with minimal ice from the soda station and headed to the counter to greet the checkout clerk.
My daughter cradled her chocolate milk tightly. The attendant nodded, noting that she didn’t even need to let go of it for him to tally it up. We left with our drinks and headed down the street to what became a very familiar Monday lunch break. On days when the weather was nice, I let her get out of her car seat and climb the steps up-and-down with her hand in mine as I steadied it. Days when the weather was cool or windy, my daughter climbed into the front seat on my lap.
We sang together-

“I love to see the temple.
I’ll go inside someday
I’ll covenant with The Father…”

She didn’t know the words very well and certainly did not understand their significance or the life-saving ordinances that accompany that choice. But I hoped that she would remember the happiness she felt and someday connect that to her constant unwavering availability to talk to God.

Decades have since passed.

I recently found myself back in the time, place and space where so many memories were made and many have come flooding back as part of the roads traveled in raising a family in SE Washington.

There are memories and moments I want to remember- and so many I had hoped to forget forever.
Maybe that’s harsh.

Forgetting is the easier step. The truth is, I have to work to forgive myself for ways I tried to journey that don’t emulate many of the ways I hope to show up today.
So many of the days I came to the Monday lunch stop – I felt broken inside… weak, exhausted.
I rarely returned Tuesday-Saturday to worship and serve in the temple.
I felt like I didn’t have the energy, time or a strong enough desire.

But I loved God. And I prayed I could raise a daughter who was a stronger, more resilient woman than I saw myself to be.

Sometimes these memories break my heart a little.
Sometimes my resolve to teach my kids strength and fortitude make me wince a bit, because of the missing components.

It was a worthwhile effort…
I just wish there was a hefty dose of grace taught alongside it.
I now know that it’s okay to be tired, weak and broken…
Especially when we extend grace to self and seek to walk the roads with our Savior, relenting our own strength and resting in His.

Occasionally, I still find myself stopping for a fountain Diet Coke, and walking by the refrigerator case to see if there’s a carton of chocolate milk…
The memory of my toddler’s favorite Monday lunch stop reminds me of the unseen strength available through Christ… and His angels.
I know firsthand the power and help of these angels from experiences of faith.
I’ve also learned the best way to magnify my tired, weak efforts is to go to the house of the Lord- to worship, to serve, and to call on angels to help a momma out!

-JC

Lemon Coconut Cookies

1 cup soft butter
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
1 egg + 1 egg yolk
2 teaspoons lemon extract
Zest of 1 lemon
2 ¾ cups all-purpose flour 
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 cups white chocolate pieces
1 ½ cups flaked coconut

Cream butter and sugars with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs, lemon extract and lemon zest; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Gently stir in white chocolate and coconut. Scoop out approximately 20+ 2” balls of dough. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 12+ min. 
Let set. Share!