I Leaned In and Dared Him To Do It-

The hospice nurse told me to catch my flight back east and watch my daughter compete in her final collegiate track and field meet.

I hesitated and doubted her advice.
“I can’t do it. I can’t leave my gramma here to die alone…” was my nearly silent rebuttal.

My mind immediately flashed back to the previous fall.
The picture in my mind of the old man, small in stature and drunk, is still sharp and accompanied by a rise in my heart rate by the mere memory.
And yet, in the moment, I felt fearless, energized, and a bit hyped on adrenaline to be on God’s errand.
The drunken man raised his hand to strike me.
I leaned in, paused, and with deliberate, sharp words not typically part of my vocabulary, I dared him to just do it and hit me.
I seemingly fearlessly with strength, resolve, and power beyond my own –
came to my gramma’s defense.
I was completely prepared to be struck, accompanied by my resolve to call the police and press charges. I was ready to do whatever it took to put an end to years of abuse that my gramma had suffered.

The previous week, my sister followed a prompting from God to go check on Gramma. While on the phone with her, I momentarily hesitated as I checked my calendar to note a hefty opportunity cost to booking a ticket to accompany her. I quickly resolved my concerns with the idea that there was no way I could stay back and make my sister go alone.
At the time-
We had no idea the trouble Gramma was in. A neighbor tipped us off that the situation was declining and her health and safety were completely compromised.
But we had no idea the extent of her troubles…

With God guiding our steps- my sister’s skills proved clutch at the police station as she talked her way into a copy of the file with the restraining orders and multiple police reports.
We had no time to agonize over how this man had traumatized Gramma since marrying her a couple of years prior.
I spoke with Gramma every Thursday morning on the phone and had no understanding of all of the secrets she was keeping. I never noted even a hint of the distress she was in.

But the moment of God needing me to rescue her had come.
I gathered strength and courage beyond my own. We arrived at Gramma’s house the previous day with a surprise visit.
We told her we were going to have a girl’s weekend and asked her to let her new husband know we were going to be monopolizing her time.
They two had kept each of their personal residences since marrying but were primarily at my Gramma’s.
We dropped her off at her husband’s home to let him know we were in town for a quick visit and offered to accompany her inside.
We recently knew we had reason to be concerned but had not yet told Gramma what we knew.
I told her I’d keep the car running and stay outside as she asked, but that in exactly 5 minutes, we’d be coming inside if she wasn’t back out.
She glanced at me with curiosity and I confirmed my resolution.

Exactly 5 minutes later, my sister and I entered the home without knocking, stepping over a shattered alcohol bottle with its spilled contents.
The scene was unfamiliar to me. I didn’t grow up or have exposure to this type of tough stuff, but my purpose that day became very clear very quickly.

On this day- the story concludes that I was not beaten by this troubled man- and neither was my gramma.
It took a few months to get the paperwork and power of attorney in place for the final stage of rescue. Unfortunately, her quick medical decline followed suit.

Months later, sitting next to her bed, the hospice nurse told me that she was at peace.
The words echoed absolute truth. She had nearly 90 years of a hard life. She deserved peace-
But I had trouble reconciling leaving my perch by her bed.
The hospice nurse returned often. She saw my distress and conflicted heart wanting to be in two places at once.
Multiple times my gramma would try to open her eyes and speak. I wanted to know what she desperately was fighting with life to tell me.
The nurse shared with me that many times our loved ones can’t leave life until they have a moment alone. I again refused the idea that my presence was making this harder on Gramma.
The nurse then looked into my tear-filled eyes and asked me what I believed about where my gramma would go next.
Without hesitation, I told her she would be enthusiastically greeted by her Daddy and so many others. She was a Daddy’s Girl through and through and often told me stories of their adventures in planes, boats, and fast cars.
The hospice nurse shared my belief and spoke to my soul as she told me “No one ever dies alone. This room will be filled with people (who’ve also passed) who love her.”

Peace overcame me and I left to go to my daughter. Hours later, my Gramma was greeted by her parents and countless others who welcomed her home.

Everything in life is God’s work. He was teaching me that when He calls my name to help His children, He will specifically bless me and empower me with every ounce of energy and intelligence needed to accomplish His purposes.

In this experience, I greater understood God’s perfect love and His perfect plan for each of us as we work to help each other out in returning to Him.
And I better understood that although seemingly atypical gifts- my sharp tongue, grit, and fearless nature had a purpose in God’s work.
At least today… 😉

-JC

Browned Butter Iced Gingerbread Oatmeal Cookies

1 cup soft butter
2 cups dark brown sugar
½ cup molasses
2 eggs
3 cups flour
2 cups quick oats
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons ground ginger
2 teaspoons cinnamon 
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon ground cloves

Cream butter and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 2 minutes or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Scoop out approximately 24  2.5.” balls of dough. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake.  Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 12-14 min. Let cool. Drizzle with Brown Butter Icing. 
Let set. Share!

Brown Butter Icing
½ cup butter, browned and cooled
¼ cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Dash of salt 
2 ¾ cups powdered sugar

Heat butter in a saucepan on medium low until it foams and turns brown. Remove from heat and let cool. Combine the remaining ingredients and use a food processor or electric mixer to blend thoroughly.