The Thing About Hope In a Fallen World…

The thing about hope in a fallen world, complete with sickness and pain…
Is that some days are still going to be hard days. 

Bry and Jodi returned home to the Las Vegas area of Nevada where her family helped them get settled. 
My husband and I were a few days behind them.

We managed affairs in Utah and then headed to Arizona to pack up the house.  We were under contract for the sale and this would be our final days available to pack before we needed to be in the Vegas area to help the kids.

A few days later we left Arizona. 
Our SUV and truck were over-stuffed with personal belongings. As I backed down the driveway a final time, I paused.
I looked at the marker in the yard- a number and a street name-
And yet this home felt like so much more…

The people we met during our time here. It’s the best part about what God has done with our lives over the past several years.  In working to follow His will for us- we’ve moved a lot. The amazing people I’ve come to know through my time in Mesa, Arizona are one of the greatest sustaining blessings.

Driving away, I took a final glimpse in the rear-view mirror. Immense gratitude filled my heart and soul as I headed towards our Las Vegas Airbnb. 
I arrived in Vegas a couple of hours ahead of my husband. I was hungry and tired but decided to drop off a few things at the rental before I went to get dinner and a few groceries. 
I walked into the house. Stale smoke coupled with perfumed air fresheners filled my lungs. Outside, the hot tub was broken and drained, and patio furniture was damaged and scattered in the yard. 
I went to my car. 
I wished I could cry and feel better- but I’m not much of a crier. 

The next few weeks encompassed two different hotels, another sub-par/sub-promised Airbnb BnB, and Jodi’s first post-surgery health episode. 

I was shook. 

One afternoon I was going through some boxes that I had packed up from the Arizona house. 
I came across a watercolor verse my daughter had given me. 
It was a scripture and a message that I had used as a mantra in times past-
Reading the words felt like a borrowed belief from before that I no longer knew…
Perhaps from-
-Times when life seemed easier. 
-Times when blessings flowed and I felt great gratitude. 
-Times when I felt strong and my belief in a God of perfect love was unwavering. 

But today-
I was weak. 
My heart broke for the kids and the accompanying stress I felt as my presence in their zip code seemed useless. 

The truth is-
It didn’t matter what I could do to try and be there for them. I couldn’t do everything. I couldn’t control anything. I felt helpless and worn down. 

I stared at the message…
“I could not be shaken.
Jacob 7:5”

And yet-
I was shook…

A few short weeks prior, I stood witness to God’s miracles. 
I felt the presence of angels. It was big. I was grateful that it was easy to see. The adversary had felt so far in the distance. 
I was drenched in and felt incredibly close to God’s perfect love and an outpouring of His blessings. 

So-
How did I get HERE…?
(Shook!)
And how could I free myself of this hopeless mindset?

I left the open moving box at my feet and fell back on my bed with my phone in hand. 
The notifications page was full. 
I began sorting through and deleting the nonsense that filled the screen. 
And then I saw my “scripture of the day” notification with a sobering number attached to it. 

I had signed up for an app that sends me a scripture each morning at 7 am. It’s the first scripture I read- and sometimes the only one-
But I feel like doing so sets the stage for my day…
For the past 6 days, I had let the hard win. 

I felt shaken-
Why?

Because-
I’m not strong on my own. 
My strength comes from Christ. 
He is the reason I have hope. 
He is the reason I can work through the hard. 
He is the reason I know God. 
He is the reason I can see the miracles. 
And when I forget to turn to Him-
When I choose to be too busy to begin my day learning of Him…

Feeling “shook” and losing hope is a natural cause and effect. 

I needed to get back on track…
The path was simple-
A consistent and disciplined approach for just a few minutes of my day, to read the word of God, is all I needed to do. 
Laying back on a borrowed bed, feeling tired, empty, and shook…I “caught up” and recommitted.

-JC

Pumpkin Cupcakes

1 cup vegetable oil
½  cup sour cream
1 ¾ cups dark brown sugar
4 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
15 oz. pumpkin puree
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground ginger
½ teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon cloves
½ teaspoon allspice

Mix together vegetable oil, sour cream, and brown sugar until well combined. Add one egg at a time, mixing well after each one. Stir in vanilla extract and pumpkin puree. Add all dry ingredients and mix until combined. Spoon out into 24 prepared cupcake tins. Bake at 350 degrees for 24 minutes or until done. Let cool completely. Frost with Browned Butter Spiced Cream Cheese Frosting.
Let set. Share!

Browned Butter Spiced Cream Cheese Frosting
8 ounces softened cream cheese
6 tablespoons butter, browned (Melt on medium heat until butter melts, then foams)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 Tablespoons whipping cream
3 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
Dash of salt

Mix cream cheese and butter until smooth. Stir in cinnamon. Add vanilla extract, whipping cream, powdered sugar, and salt. Mix until fluffy.