I Am Enough

During my six-hour drive home and the weeks that followed, I felt compelled (by God) to contemplate strength….
Where it comes from-
How to acquire it- 
How I feel about my own–

As I thought about how I first began to identify the importance of inner strength–
A seemingly inconsequential memory from 6th grade surfaced…

My mom is an artist- through and through.  Some of my siblings inherited this talent.
I 
Did
Not!

As part of our elementary school curriculum, we had a required art class.  I liked it when I was younger, but in 6th grade, skill set mattered more. Late into the school year, we were required to pick an animal to draw.  
I hated art and hated my teacher—
Mostly because I was terrible at it and she never had an encouraging word to share. (Subconsciously, I likely felt discouraged because it drew a deeper division between who I felt like I was within my own family.)
Nevertheless, I quit trying to please my teacher and strangely worked tirelessly to irritate her. 
Somehow-
I was good at that. 😉

I used sarcasm as a defensive tool to survive art class. 
The day we were to begin our pen and ink of an “animal”–
I chose a rodent-like creature. 

The teacher had the class go around the room and name the animal we each intended to draw. 
There were typical circus, barn, and zoo animals-
Animals that were known for strength, courage, kindness, and companionship. 
And then she came to me–
And I reported– 
“A shrew.”
“A what?” She asked, assuming she had heard it wrong. 
“A shrew” I repeated, this time, a bit louder, with confidence. 

She rolled her eyes at me and moved on to the next classmate. She was clearly disappointed in me–
But I was used to that and oddly took a bit of satisfaction that “this” stunt was next level. 
I’m not sure what made me so innately rough around the edges, but I feel like I was. 
It’s a decent skillset in athletics…
Not so much in family life, and certainly not in a popularity contest that I had quit competing in months prior with my art teacher. 

In the coming weeks–
We worked on our project in class. 
Our teacher instructed us on composition, the use of varying thickness of lines, dots, and cross-hatches to create depth in our drawings. 
I showed up and silently worked on my project each week. 
I didn’t like my teacher…
But I liked good grades. They kept me outta trouble at home–
(At least in one way.)

Weeks passed and our final class period to finish our drawings had arrived. 
I had drawn a shrew. 
I was actually proud of my work. It was undoubtedly my best project of the school year. And yet, it wasn’t good. It was never going to be featured on the wall of our elementary school during the art fair week. 
Those works were borrowed and collected from my classmates, by the art teacher, throughout the year, and then put on display at the end of the year for our families to come and see. 
There were ribbons for excellence in each category. It was a big deal– for some kids… 
My art was sent home with me. 
Nothing was ever held out for the art fair. 

Perhaps my art teacher was not the villain in my memory. Perhaps she was a kind-hearted middle-aged woman in rural Iowa who loved God and volunteered within her community…
So then why does this memory matter?
Why did it come to mind as I pondered the origin of gaining my strength?

Because-
It helped me learn and understand my worth. 

Somehow-
I innately knew not to give my art teacher the key to my self-esteem. 
God had put people in my life to teach me of His ways. And (perhaps more importantly) God blessed me with agency and a keen mind to decipher how and who to believe. 
Lessons at home and church echoed this idea. 

I learned that I was a daughter of God. 

If there was someone in my life that seemingly couldn’t identify my worth…
Then clearly they must be wrong. 😉
Or at least-
That’s how my brain sorted out the truths. 
No doubt- I was still learning and growing in faith and otherwise. But I am so grateful to 12-year-old me for choosing that.

Identifying worth is a choice.
Believing a narrative about yourself shown to you by someone else is also a choice. 

It circles back to God. 
What would He teach me?
What has He taught me?
What might He teach me?
God has given me His spirit to work to understand. 
God has given me His Son to atone for my mistakes and take the burdens I choose to give to Him. 

A lesson taught to me at a young age was that I was a child of God.
Truly understanding that sense of belonging continues to be a lifetime pursuit-
And likewise, a pursuit of understanding my strength BECAUSE I am a child of God

The knowledge that I am a daughter of God is one of my superpowers. 
I’ve worked to gain this belief. And I continue to work to understand how God’s love remains constant from childhood to adulthood. 
Embracing it, not only staves off the loneliness and weakness of not feeling “enough”…
But when I truly show up as a daughter of God–
I work to do so with a degree of His wisdom and grace. 
That’s a bit harder than the default of sarcasm to protect myself…
And yet-
Its power is absolutely unstoppable.
It is a forefront force of my strength. 

I am strong because–
I am a daughter of God…
And thus-
I am enough…

-JC

Coconut Lime Cupcakes

Cupcakes:
⅓ cup vegetable oil
⅓ cup milk
1 cup sour cream
4 eggs
1 teaspoon coconut extract
A white or vanilla cake mix (approx. 13 oz.)

Add ingredients in order and mix together for 30 seconds on medium speed with an electric mixer. Increase speed to medium-high and beat for two minutes until thicker and smooth.  Spoon ¼ cup of batter into 18 regular sized muffin tin cups. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean. Let cool completely.
Cut a tiny hole in the Ziploc of Lime Icing. Drizzle in a circular motion to cover the tops of cooled cupcakes. Let set until dry to the touch. 
Pipe Coconut Frosting onto cupcakes. Immediately cover each cupcake with 2 tablespoons of sweetened coconut flakes. Garnish with lime zest.
Let set. Share!

Lime Icing
3 Tablespoons lime juice 
1 ½ cups powdered sugar
Zest of one lime
Dash of salt
Blend all ingredients at once in a food chopper or food processor. Spoon into a quart size freezer strength Ziploc until ready to use.

Coconut Cream Frosting
8 oz. softened cream cheese
¼ cup soft butter
¼ cup cream of coconut (Coco Re’al brand works great)
½ teaspoon vanilla
½ teaspoon coconut extract
2 cups powdered sugar
Dash of salt
Mix cream cheese, butter and cream of coconut until smooth. Add vanilla and coconut extracts, powdered sugar, and salt. Mix until fluffy– 2-3 minutes on medium-high speed with an electric mixer. Spoon into a gallon size Ziploc until ready to use.