Who is Erika Kirk?

I don’t know Erika Kirk. I’ve never met her. I’ve come to know of her in the past few months as I’ve watched videos and clips of what she stands for. 
I don’t know Erika Kirk —
But I stand with her. 

In the emergence of her unimaginable heartache, following her husband‘s assassination, she is bold with her beliefs. She understands perfectly that her strength does not come from, nor is it amplified by, hate, anger, or revenge. She knows the answer is Christ. 

I’ve let hate, anger, and revenge power me to act — compete even, letting it become the narrative of how I worked to become my “best”…

In November of my senior year, a few weeks into my senior basketball season, I was in weekly contact with a few recruiting coaches. The mailbox had letters and pamphlets working to “sell” me on their universities. I had individual goals regarding my play and recruiting status. I was excitedly anticipating climbing the ladder rungs of a productive season.
My teammates were my “ride or die”. No one could come between them and them. I would defend them, protect them, and unite with them…
The competitors from other schools were the clear enemies. What I lacked in skills or strength—
I made up for it in sharp words. Some might chalk it up to just a competitive nature, but I never wanted them to do their best. I worked to break them down— one rough play, hard foul, or trash word at a time…
It was extremely effective. Coach paired me against their top player every game. I loved it. My mission was to do whatever it took to stop her—
Whatever that would come to mean as the four quarters progressed… 

A few weeks into the season, I was sitting in math class. My math teacher was also my basketball coach. Over the school loudspeaker, I heard my name, followed by “Please report to the math office “.
This was so confusing. I was in math class. I was an A student. I loved math. I looked up as my coach/teacher nodded toward the door and the hallway. 

My heart raced with concern, confusion, and consternation as I wondered what I had done wrong. This situation had “that” tone.
I knew it well. Unfortunately, at home – it’s who I was. I was a troublemaker amongst a family of nice and conforming girls. I learned to get comfortable being in trouble – and then I would double down as I took punishments with smirks and sarcastic verbal swings at my mom. (Sorry, mom!!❤️)

As I took the few steps to the math office down the hall from my classroom, another math teacher was waiting for me. He was not my teacher, nor had I ever taken a class from him. He closed the door behind us as he asked me to sit down.
“I was in a meeting last night…“ he began.
I was puzzled… (He noted such.)
“You know I’m a high school girls basketball referee?”
“Yes –“ I quietly mumbled.
He told me that they had discussed number 32 from Eisenhower High School in their meeting the previous evening.  (That was me.) 

I was stunned and in disbelief. I sat in silence as he sternly warned me to clean up my play and my mouth or I’d see a lot more bench time because fair or not, the referees were all told to watch me closely and call “everything” until I cleaned up my game. 

I sheepishly returned to math class. I was caught in uncharted emotional territory. 
Was I mad? 
Was I worried?
I didn’t know. 
I also didn’t know how to navigate my “next “.

I felt stuck. How did I play this game differently? How was I supposed to play lockdown defense, while keeping my mouth shut and my hands, elbows, and body checks clean…?
I had lost the privilege to be treated fairly… I now had to play within the rules and the high standards that the referees were told to keep me to.

Challenge accepted… 

It turns out you can still be strong, fierce, and competitive, without being mean, disrespectful, or filled with spite.
I changed. 
And in so doing, I became a far better basketball player. 

I can’t say, whether God was in these details of a November basketball referee meeting – 
But He was in the details of my life. I was beginning to let God in…
I was working more to turn to Him- to connect to Him.
I was beginning to lean into the curiosity of a spiritual realm and any truth associated with God‘s light and power. 

And in time, like Erika Kirk, I knew that true strength does not come from hate, anger, or revenge.
True strength comes from aligning my will with God’s. It comes from uniting in prayer and purpose in my discipleship. 

Erika Kirk closed her remarks at her husband’s memorial service with the following invitations – 
“Choose prayer – 
Choose courage – 
Choose beauty – 
Choose adventure – 
Choose family – 
Choose a life of faith – 
And most importantly, choose Christ. “

These choices feed my strength—
A strength that is amplified by God as he meets me where I am and compounds my efforts. He always has, and will continue to, make more out of my life than I can on my own.

Try this thought on-
Strong women and men through Christ are not who we need to work to become – 
It is absolutely how we are created. 
We simply need to choose – and work to remember. 

-JC

Chocolate Fudge Cookies

1 cup melted butter
2 cups dark chocolate chips
—
1 ¼ cups brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
4 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
½ cup dark cocoa powder
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 ½ cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

Melt butter in a microwave safe bowl. Stir in dark chocolate chips. Let sit until melted.
Mix sugars and eggs on medium-high speed of an electric mixer for 7 minutes. Stir in butter and chocolate mixture, and vanilla extract. Stir in cocoa powder, flour, baking powder, and salt, just until combined. Add chocolate chips and stir until combined. Let the dough sit for 10 minutes.
Spoon out 24 cookies. Gently roll. (If the dough is still too sticky to gently roll, let sit for 10 more minutes.) Chill for 30+ minutes. Bake at 375 degrees for 12 minutes. Top with sea salt or grated chocolate as desired.
Let set. Share!