Cookies and Christ

It was the fourth quarter and the game was on the line. Our team was pushing the ball down the field on a drive led by the quarterback. I anxiously watched the play clock, as the seconds ticked down to 4 minutes to go in the game. I high-fived the group that I had come to the college football game with – knowing I would only figure out what happened next by hearing the cheers or groans of the 59,999 other people in the stadium that day. 

As I walked towards the office, my question was simple:
“Is cleaning toilets God’s work or will for me?”

Recently- I’ have’ve had the same question as I’ve hosted some temporary, but consistent “company” and it’s the second season in my life that I’ve pondered this question. 

The first time was in 1988.
I had just cleaned 80 toilets and was sent to help my “teammate” finish his 80. I was taught by my parents to work quickly and be thorough. Perhaps it was a skillset I wasn’t sure I was proud of on this given day.
My manager had already told me I was in discussions to be considered a team lead (promotion) despite having only been on the job for a few months.
It was a promotion I had no interest in. I was grateful to have a job – but I was not interested in furthering my career in this industry. 

My job was simple and carried with it a few perks, but no glory.
I was a custodian.
Therefore, cleaning toilets put bread on the table. But truth be told, I was a college student who was sick of sandwiches and had discovered the ease of cold cereal for three meals a day. So in actuality- cleaning toilets put cereal on the table…

The perks were the reason I took the job. But even they- came with an opportunity cost.
My custodial duties included daily shifts beginning at 4 a.m., and cleaning after all events at both the football stadium and basketball arena.
Therein were the perks. My admission ticket was “free”.

I was required to report to my station halfway through the 4th quarter of every basketball game, and within 4 minutes left on the time clock of the football game.
I never saw the last-second shot, rushed the field, or high-fived my group with a last clutch play in a game.
I reported for duty. 

It was a humble job.
Fitting- since faith mixed with humility took me there…

The other day I sprayed my new favorite cleaner (weird that I have one of those…?) on a toilet to give it a refresh…
I asked myself the same question…
“Is cleaning toilets God’s work or will for me?”

Maybe the details of such are all the results of my agency…
But there’s no doubt in my mind that I’m where God has asked me to go and I’ve been sent to do His work. Cleaning toilets is just a simple effect of the cause that brought me to where I am. 

It began with sifting through the noise to better hear God amongst all of the clamor and differing opinions. As others weigh in on thoughts about what I should do or where I should go. I need to Hear God and claim the strength He gives me through the Atonement of His son, Jesus Christ to leave behind what’s of no use and embrace the knowledge that God will speak to me. 

It’s a reassurance that I’ve known at times in my life. There are common themes surrounding it this time- just like the last. It’s a confidence of being where God wants me to be and whatever the daily details of ‘doing’ are – even cleaning toilets- they seem to matter less. I’ll suffice today with peace in this chapter, and giving myself a high-five for an awesome bathroom refresh!

-JC

Oat Crumble Pumpkin Bars

1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
½ cup vegetable oil 
2 eggs
3/4 cup sour cream
1 ½ cups canned pumpkin purée
2 ⅔ cups flour
¾ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
¾ teaspoon ground cloves
1 ½ teaspoons ground cinnamon
½ teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon ground ginger

Cream sugar with oil. Stir in eggs, sour cream and pumpkin puree.
Add dry ingredients and stir until well blended. 
Spoon batter into a greased/ parchment lined 9” x 13” baking pan. 
Sprinkle with Spiced Oat Crumble. Bake at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes, or until done. Let cool a bit.
Drizzle with Spiced Cream Cheese Icing. 
Let set. Share!

Spiced Oat Crumble
Brown ½ cup +2 Tablespoons butter by melting it on medium-high heat until it’s foamy and turns brown.  Remove from heat and let cool for 15 minutes.

Mix together:
½ cup +2 Tablespoons packed brown sugar 
¾ cup all-purpose flour 
1 cup quick oats
½ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon 
½ teaspoon nutmeg

Add browned butter.
Stir until pea-sized crumbs form. 
Set aside.

Spiced Cream Cheese Icing
4 Tablespoons softened cream cheese
3 Tablespoons soft butter
1/3 cup whole milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 ¾ cups powdered sugar
½ teaspoon cinnamon
Dash of ground cloves
Dash of salt

Combine the ingredients all at once and use a food processor or electric mixer to blend thoroughly. 
Spoon into quart size freezer strength Ziploc. Cut small corner to pipe onto bars.

Hands, hands, fingers, thumbs” I said to my granddaughter.
She knew the routine.
We were crossing a street and despite her quest for independence, she knew this was a moment of required compliance.

She grabbed my hand as the promise of Chik Fil A mac and cheese was deemed worthy of relenting her independence for a moment.
We ate, she played and I got worn out watching her.
We returned to the parking lot.
“Hands, hands, fingers, thumbs” was quickly met with a cute small hand grasping for my wrinkled, yet steady one.

As we drove away we repeatedly chanted “Hands, hands, fingers, thumbs! Many more monkeys drumming on drums.” She didn’t know the reference.
My mind turned back to the days turning into weeks when I had memorized the Dr. Seuss book.
I was placed on partial bed rest at the end of my pregnancy with our second son. Bren, my oldest, was a toddler.
Our small apartment proved to make keeping an eye on him while I rested an easy task. 600 sq ft with a few childproof doors kept him close by.
He often saw my comfy spot on the sofa as an invitation to bring me some books and have an impromptu read-a-thon. We owned 8 books.
It was a “cancel anytime” introductory offer for a book club. I canceled after I received my first 8 books for less than $2.
I couldn’t afford the monthly membership fee to keep receiving books each month- so we had our complete library of 8 on the TV stand.
I read each of them multiple times a day quickly memorizing their sing-song rhymes.

It was a season of life plagued by loneliness.
Since then, that feeling has been occasionally magnified again and again in some unexpected ways.
I’m an extrovert. I have conversations with nearly everyone I meet- even in the check-out line at the store. I thrive on simple or in-depth conversations.
However, I’ve learned there are times, places, and seasons where loneliness is part of my journey.
I long for connection.

A few years ago if you would have asked me what a lonely girl looks like- I would have described her as one who sits in solitude in a dimly lit room.
Not a physical description- but more of a mental one.

I understand it better now.

In certain seasons, I know myself as a lonely lady – she is often super busy.
She has been blessed with a beautiful family and the opportunity to see them often. She has friends, neighbors, and acquaintances who accompany her through countless joy-filled days.
She has ideas, goals, dreams, and an ambitious drive to pursue them.
She would say she has been deeply blessed.
She knows the source of these blessings, endless more, and the perfect love of her Creator, a loving God, her eternal Father in Heaven.

And yet she acknowledges her loneliness.

As I see that girl in a quiet room, my lens changes, adjusts, and improves…as I scan out.

I see hosts of Angels fulfilling the promise that “they that be with us are more than they that be with them.”
I see a loving Heavenly Father standing in watch, extending His hand- pointing to and instructing our Savior Jesus Christ to come and be with her…
…to come and be with me.

And He will come and be with you.

We are only as alone in our loneliness as we allow ourselves to distance ourselves from God.
Connection to Him cures it.
My connection to Him is deliberate and eternal as I work to better understand who I am.
I am His daughter.
I belong to Him.

Feelings of loneliness are a cyclic part of my story, but I better understand how to see these feelings, and thus seek connection from God to understand their place and purpose.

These blessings and privileges are mine to claim as a daughter of God.
It’s through this process of seeking connection that I better understand God and my Savior -who often walked a seemingly lonely path in discipleship.

Who am I?
I’m a daughter of God.
He sees me, all of me, and loves me perfectly accordingly.
Through Him and because of Him, I understand connection to Him is always mine to claim through verbal and silent prayers.

As I do my part to tell my Heavenly Father the truth about how I’m doing, thinking and feeling, seeking his wisdom, I work through the struggle and realize simple blessings granted to me- just for trying…

Simple blessings-
Like a car ride coupled with an energetic toddler with a quest for discovery and an untiring desire to chant “Hands, hands, fingers, thumbs…” simply because Gramma is doing it. ❤️

-JC

S’mores Krispy Treats

6 Tablespoons butter
16 oz. mini marshmallows
½ teaspoon salt
10 oz. marshmallow fluff
6 cups crisp rice cereal
8 cups Golden Grahams cereal
2+ cups milk chocolate chips

Melt butter and mini marshmallows mixed with salt in a large bowl in the microwave. (Approximately 1 minute.) Stir in the marshmallow fluff until smooth. Stir in rice cereal and Golden Grahams cereal. Fold in chocolate chips.
Press mixture into a greased/parchment lined 9 x 13 pan. 
Garnish with graham cereal, toasted marshmallows and Hershey bar pieces. 

A few months ago our granddaughter came to visit our four-story town-home a few miles away from where she and her parents live. It was a season of life where we were blessed with regular visits and every day we saw her was a better day than any we didn’t. She has us wrapped around every finger and toe. She’s brilliant, beautiful and delightful in every way.
A typical visit includes a three-story climb to Grampa’s office.
When he’s not on a call, I let her go alone and linger until he brings her back down.
I was down in the kitchen visiting with my son and daughter-in-law, grateful they often share this perfect little human with us.
My granddaughter returned downstairs with YIYA (the name she gave Grandpa) carrying a treasure.
“What do you have?” I asked as I bent down to see what she was clutching so intently.
YIYA let us know he had traded her something that belonged to him that he wanted less than his calculator which she confidently claimed as her own while she visited him in his office.
We all laughed at her ability to use her resources to enter Grampa’s office with nothing and yet trade him and exit with a valuable pocket calendar that she was proud to show me and let me know without hesitation -that it now belonged to her.
I marveled at her strength and ability to use her resources. Today, it landed her a small useless treasure but in the coming years, it will be necessary for her to gain and use resources to understand God and her Savior, Jesus Christ and how Their power and purpose will be available to guide her life.

I’ve been pondering the message my middle child shared with his congregation a few Sundays ago. It was a message with a recipe for the peace promised in the Bible, as recorded in the book of John.

I was grateful my son shared some specifics of his journey and clarified that peace is not the result of a life void of trials or struggles. Instead, it is a blessing available to any of us who are willing to pray and follow God, working to have His Spirit with us.

Several months ago, I often felt an overwhelming feeling of “hard”. I chastised myself knowing I had done a lot of spiritual work to create sustaining peace.
So if things felt hard, I thoroughly searched my attitude, resolve, and faith to figure out what I was doing wrong that was causing this season of my life to feel hard.

One sunny day, I humbly walked a familiar gravel path up a gradual hill in an attempt to ask God to tell me “how to do this right”. I wanted the hard to be replaced by greater faith and obedience. And I wanted to know how to do it by the time I hit the view at the top. 😉

In my teens, as a fearless, (and foolish adrenaline junky) I often met friends at “The Rock”.
The hike to get there was across private property marked with “No Trespassing” signs that I felt didn’t apply to me. The activity of jumping off this rock into the reservoir came with a rush and a hefty dose of risk that failed to cause me to pause. This stage of life felt hard for me.
As I reflect on it- hard times often follow hard choices.

What I’m learning decades later is that hard times and hard choices are not always cause and effect. Sometimes- a season, a path, or a means to a purpose in life is hard- because it’s hard.
And it’s OK!!

Hard doesn’t always need to be fixed. Hard sometimes is just an invitation to more fully trust God that He will guide our unsteady steps through the thick of it, and magnify our strength.

Peace and hard can absolutely co-exist.

I’m learning to battle in the trenches with greater faith and desire to follow my Savior’s example of discipleship.
I’m learning to talk over my questions with God about my belief in Him, my relationship with Him and His will for me.
And I’m learning to gather resources (just like my granddaughter) from many different places-
Today it’s from the words of a modern-day prophet of God-
“Of course it’s hard.
Everything to do with becoming more like the Savior is difficult. “
President Russell M. Nelson

Thanks for being here!
I know you will find what you’re looking for.
Enjoy the recipes and messages of faith encompassed in Cookies and Christ 2023!

-JC

Signature Chocolate Chip Cookies

¾ cup soft butter

¾ cup brown sugar

¾ cup granulated sugar

1 egg + 1 egg yolk

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 cups all-purpose flour

¾ teaspoon baking soda

¾ teaspoon baking powder

¾ teaspoon salt

2 cups chocolate chips (I mix, mini, semi-sweet and milk chocolate chips)

Beat sugars and butter until creamy. Stir in eggs and vanilla; don’t over-mix.  Add dry ingredients all at once and stir until well combined. Stir in chocolate chips.
Form dough into 16 balls of dough. Flatten slightly. Refrigerate for 2+ hours or freeze until ready to bake. Just before baking, sprinkle dough discs with sea salt. Bake at 400 degrees for 12+minutes. 
Let set. 
Share.

16 months ago I was wandering through a discount retail store looking for a few decor odds and ends to complete a project I was working on. 
I found a few throw pillows and proceeded to the checkout where the line wrapped through to the end of the lane. I had plenty of time to look at all of the trinkets placed on this path to encourage last-minute purchases. 

I saw a necklace: poor quality, thin chain, small medallion-
With a life changing message…

CHOOSE JOY

I immediately picked it up and added it to my cart. This is what I needed to see, hear and claim…

It’s available to me because of AGENCY.
It is one of the greatest gifts from God. No one can take it from me…
There may be circumstances, scenarios, and situations that make it difficult-
But our agency is always ours to claim. 

I checked out, hustled out to my car, then rifled through the shopping bag and grabbed the small box that held my new necklace. I immediately put it on. 
I’ve worn it everyday since. 
Not for its beauty…
But because I need to remember. 

Joy is mine to claim. 

It’s not tied to or determined by anyone else’s actions. 
It’s not created or destroyed by boundaries. 

It’s mine…

There are countless circumstances each day where I feel like I’m chasing happiness and peace. My chase often seems to simulate my childhood self of jumping into a wagon and holding on tight as I free-fall down a concrete driveway with no brakes. 
Thus- the results mirror my effectiveness of pursuit. 
Sometimes I feel like I’m on the most thrilling ride of a lifetime. And sometimes my energy and enthusiasm is met with an unmovable concrete curb sending my trajectory into a harsh landing. 
Throughout it all, joy is mine to claim. 

I’m still learning how to do it-
But my work of late centers around grace-
Grace for myself as a daughter of God. 
As I’ve worked to become adept at forgiving myself and borrowing God’s lens to see myself through, miracles have happened. My heart has softened and I’ve received the greatest gift-
I’m able to see others through God’s lens at times as well. 

Who is the source and power of perfect grace?
My Savior. 
As I utilize and work to better understand who Jesus Christ is-
What he did for me and for you-
His life
His legacy
His eternal sacrifice…

Grace is better understood – 
And accessible. 

Its result…?

Joy. 

Unrelenting, freeing, unrestricted JOY.

Joy-
Because of Jesus. 

-JC

Funfetti Bar Cookies

¾ cup soft butter
⅓ cup vegetable oil
⅓ cup sour cream
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup powdered sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla or coconut extract
3 ½ cups flour
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
¾ teaspoon salt
¾ cup sprinkles

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream butter, oil, sour cream, and sugars with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs, and extract; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Stir in sprinkles. Spread dough into 9 x 13’ aluminum baking pan sprayed with baking spray. Bake at 350 degrees for 20+ minutes. 
Let cool completely. Frost with Marshmallow Creme Frosting.
Let set. Share!

Marshmallow Creme Frosting
¼ cup soft butter
1 ½ cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
½ cup whipping cream
Dash of salt
7oz. marshmallow creme (Fluff)

Beat butter, powdered sugar, vanilla, whipping cream until smooth.  Mix an additional 2-3 minutes on high speed.  Fold in marshmallow creme.

After my oldest left for college, I would fall into bed every night hours earlier than when he was at home. I was finally able to get more sleep at night. My middle child- then oldest at home never needed help with homework or a pal to just sit with him while he pounded out a few chemistry problems. Our rule of “no TV on weekdays” (created to help the oldest child minimize distractions) was thrown out and we would often watch a college basketball game a few evenings a week. We would record the games and begin watching one around 8 pm after my daughter had gone to bed. 

I would turn on the gas fireplace, grab a throw pillow and blanket from the sofa, and lay on the floor in front of the fireplace while I watched the tip-off. 

There were many nights when I never saw the first made basket. I would nearly immediately fall asleep. I was exhausted- physically, mentally, and emotionally. I was trying to keep up with the kids in an ever-increasingly difficult world. I was trying to teach them, mentor them, set a good example for them, and love them. Every day I could easily see where I failed. I spent way too much time and energy with those self-depleting thoughts. I was exhausted. Perhaps, because I was worried about the outcome and would often forget to let go.  I wanted so much to receive the peace promised in John 14:27- “my peace I give unto you…”

Rest is the opposite of exhaustion. It had very little to do with the number of hours of sleep I had. It’s a resource I needed to acquire.

I felt like I didn’t have the ability or patience to truly rest and acquire peace from God until I quit trying to see the distant scene. It was then that I realized the resources from God to claim peace were completely accessible and available to me. I felt blessed with a strong desire to exercise faith.
Therein was the avenue for peace- available to me every time I choose faith over knowledge. 

It’s a blessing promised to me by God and I can simply choose to claim it or leave it. 

I have to work hard to not lose sleep over my regrets as a mom raising kids in the everyday realm of -meals, school, laundry, driving, teaching- an exhaustive state. I’ve recently realized living with regret in areas where I fell short is worthless. I’m seriously working to be grateful for who I was 15 years ago. (It’s not easy…) I’m trying to remember the intentions, and efforts I made.
I worked hard every day.
I tried to do my duty to God, my community, and my family. I didn’t take days off of trying or reaching for the things I felt were important. I was doing the absolute best I could, given what I knew… I was diligent and vigilant. But I made lots of mistakes. 

My best wasn’t then and isn’t now a remotely convincing version of perfection. 

If I could visit myself as the mom I was 15 years ago, I’d show up just after she got her kids to school. The house would be quiet with morning sun streaming through the east-side windows. I’d walk in without knocking- because she loves those types of friends…

I’d find her in the kitchen sitting at the counter. Her scriptures would likely be open, but she’d be a bit dazed and unfocused on her studies. I’d crack open a Diet Coke with her and chat about the comings and goings of the kids, focusing on the joy in the journey. I know she was aware of and delighted in it. I’d give her a long reassuring hug. I’d let her know she’s ok…I’d thank her for not giving up, for believing and trusting in God. I’d encourage her to keep teaching her children about God’s perfect love and his generous promise of compensation for the faithful. I’d tell her that the most important work she’s doing is teaching her children to talk with God in prayer, believe in and trust Him. I’d tell her as a Daughter of God- she’s enough. I’d leave her home grateful for her and her efforts acknowledging she’s doing her best.

I absolutely would NOT focus on the places, times, and moments she falls short…Nor would I issue warnings and a series of instructions. She didn’t need that from me or anyone else. It’s not helpful. She was simply doing her best. And that is ALWAYS enough…

This directly translates to work I need to do today.  I need to let go of the guilt, remorse, and shame of not showing up the way I wish I would have. I need to quit living in moments of regret for losing patience and being frustrated by my shortcomings and exhaustion.

In doing so, I’m grateful I’m working today to chase down and gain more resources. I’m grateful my best looks different today…

I’m grateful I know better how to rest and how imperative it is for happiness. I’m utilizing, growing, and increasing my ability and wisdom to gain resources that result in confidence, happiness, and peace- in, through, and because of Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ.

The results?

So far- I not only see the first made basket, but also the postgame recap…
I also see what and where God needs me more clearly and so much of that story that is yet to unfold…

-JC

(Easy) Peppermint Fudge Brownies

Brownie Layer
1 18 oz. pre-packaged brownie mix without chocolate chunks (I prefer Dark Chocolate Duncan Hines)
2 Tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 Tablespoons dark cocoa
1 egg + 1 egg yolk
3 Tablespoons sour cream 
⅓ cup vegetable oil
⅓ cup whole milk 
1 teaspoon peppermint extract

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Mix together brownie mix with the rest of the ingredients. Mix on medium speed just until blended. Don’t over-mix. (This combination will result in a fudgey semi-soft brownie. If you prefer the chewier version of a brownie- use brownie mix as outlined on the box.) Spread brownie mixture evenly over parchment paper lined or baking sprayed 11” x 7” pan (If 9 x 13” is all you have, decrease baking time.). Bake at 350 degrees for 28 minutes. Remove from the oven and let cool completely. Frost with Peppermint Fudge Frosting. Garnish as desired. (I drizzled with white melting candy discs and crushed candy cane.)
Let set. Share.

Peppermint Fudge Frosting
½ cup whole milk
1 ½ cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/2 teaspoon peppermint extract
Dash of salt

Melt chocolate chips into milk in microwave. Add peppermint extract and salt; stir until smooth. Transfer into freezer strength Ziploc. Let cool until room temperature.

I loudly and dramatically put my pencil down on my math sheet. I looked at my teacher who refused to glance up despite my passive-aggressive efforts to get her attention. The previous week, she had overruled my classmate’s grading of my multiplication time sheet marking my paper with red ink circling a 5 noting it looked like an S. I think I may have hated her a little more that day.
Third grade was a rough year for me. Not academically- just other stuff. I felt my teacher didn’t like me- so naturally, I decided I didn’t like her. She made a reference to how I was different than my older sister. I heard it as an evil insult. My decision to be crotchety in thought and deed toward her made it a rough year. But I refused to “lose” or be labeled by her as not being smart, pretty or any other trait she referenced in her comment about my sister. I think I was confused a bit about how to do that. I was calloused and became a complete smart alec. It was quite a defense mechanism and I realized I had a gift of quick thinking. My sharp words crept into my life at a time when most kids are still kind and innocent. Mine became the defense of my own self-doubts in unknowingly self-destructive ways.

Every Friday of that school year we had a timed multiplication test in math.
My goal was not to just get a 100% grade on the test.
My goal was to be the first to get 100%.
Not only did I expect myself to get them all right- I wanted to be the first classmate to finish.
So here was the goal- the vision of success. Now, what did I need to do to achieve it? Study. Study. Study.
I took the flash cards printed on cheap paper offered to us in the classroom and I worked through them over and over.
I saw no benefit to understanding math concepts or any value to understanding any importance or usefulness in multiplication.
There was no motivation in that for me.
I simply wanted to prove my teacher wrong about what (I perceived) she thought about me.

When Friday morning came, I was nervous with excitement knowing I knew all of the answers. There were several of us in the class who always got 100%. As I quickly worked through the test I would chart what row and problem the other “smart” classmates were on and worked as fast as I could to be first.
And I usually was. But unfortunately- none of this made me feel better or smarter in the long run. I didn’t like my teacher more.
I wasn’t happier…
No good result came from my motivated efforts.

My quest for happiness in third grade was never realized. Perhaps because although I was motivated to win-
Winning didn’t translate to being happy.

As I look through a different lens today, having done much work to identify what happiness means, where it comes from, and how it’s often chased down and deemed difficult to acquire- I’ve redefined what and where I seek motivation.
I work a bit harder to borrow God’s lens. To see myself and others through -as well as understand how much control I have over my own happiness. My motivation serves me best when it’s rooted in acknowledging my agency and the powerful God-given gift that choice is.

As I break it down- it’s imperative to specifically define what I want…
What am I working to change or improve?
Do I feel that these changes or improvements are in line with where and who God needs me to be?
How can I be sure?

This is where the work begins. Once I’ve worked with God to acquire these answers-
when I listen to Him, align my will with His, choosing peace as reassurance…
Then-
It’s then that I am truly motivated to choose and act with full awareness and appreciation of agency.
It’s then that I can work toward daily happiness.
It’s then that I can choose joy.

As I reflect on my third-grade self-
She made some tough choices. She let ideas of not being good enough grow deep roots in her heart. She showed up guarded and defensive. She traded childhood innocence and trust for contempt. Partially, it breaks my heart that this was her choice and her course…

But- I know what she learned. I know who she will become next. In the years to come, I know she felt that God was on her side and He would become the only voice that mattered. I know that there would be times when even God would momentarily disappoint her by seemingly crushing her dreams. But I also know He would help rebuild them into a better and more beautiful life than she could imagine…

Sustaining happiness and claiming joy become powerful motivators for deliberate decision-making.

-JC

S’Mores Hot Fudge Brownie Sundae Bars

Brownie Layer
1 18 oz. pre-packaged brownie mix without chocolate chunks (I prefer Dark Chocolate Duncan Hines)
2 Tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 Tablespoons dark cocoa
1 egg + 1 egg yolk
3 Tablespoons sour cream 
⅓ cup vegetable oil
⅓ cup whole milk 
—
3 Quarts Ice Cream (any flavor)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Mix together brownie mix with the rest of the ingredients. Mix on medium speed just until blended. Don’t over-mix. Place a 12” x 16” parchment sheet into a 9” x 13” pan so that the 12” side of parchment lays in the 13” side of the pan and there’s several inches on either side of the 9” side. (You will remove brownie sundae bars before serving. This extra parchment serves as an easy way to remove from the pan.  This step can be omitted if you’d like to serve it straight from the baking pan.) Spray with baking spray. Spread brownie mixture evenly over parchment paper lined pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 28 minutes. Remove from the oven and let cool completely. Sprinkle Graham Layer over cooled brownie and gently pat down. Soften 3 quarts of ice cream (any flavor) and spoon over Graham Layer. Spoon over ½ of the Hot Fudge Sauce brought to room temperature. Freeze for 4+ hours. Just before serving, loosen edges with a knife then pull on parchment paper to remove from the pan. Cut into 24 squares. Garnish with toasted marshmallows. Serve with additional warmed Hot Fudge Sauce. 
Share!

Graham Layer
3 cups crushed graham crackers
⅔ cup granulated sugar
8 oz. cream cheese
Mix all ingredients until combined.

Hot Fudge Sauce
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 cup heavy whipping cream
Dash of salt
Melt chocolate chips and cream in the microwave for 1 minute and stir until smooth. Stir in salt. 

I looked down at my red tennis shoes as I lined up with the rest of my classmates on the high school track. It was a sunny afternoon where the elementary school-wide activity was to compete in track and field events instead of the usual afternoon drone of science, math, and reading. 

I was so grateful for the sun and a break from the classroom routine. But I had a purpose and resolve. 

A classmate had teased me about my clown shoes. 
My feet were extra large for my extra extra small body. My cute white tennis shoes sent from California by my Gramma were too small. They had been too small for a long time. I finally told my mom I needed a bigger size. My new red shoes were purchased at great financial sacrifice the previous week on Mom’s grocery run. I was a bit conflicted as I saw them when I arrived home from school. They looked HUGE…
But- after a few days of wearing them, my feet no longer hurt…

I spoke to no one and stared at my shoes as we were given instructions on our two-lap race. 
“I’ll show him and every other person in this town…” was my overly dramatic compensatory thought. 
The race began and ended. Simply stated- I won it. I had to. I had to silence anyone who actually or even thought about making fun of me. 

I was becoming resilient!

Or- so I thought that’s what my purpose was…

The real work encompassed the next several decades and continues today. It begins by silencing the voice of doubt in my head that I am not enough. It’s been tireless, repetitive work in increasing resiliency. The most critical work comes as I more fully understand what I need to be resilient towards. 

I’m tough. Tough to listen to sometimes, tough to be around sometimes, and a tough-talker. 
I’ve worked to try and be as mentally resilient as I say I am. I’ve tried it for years, feeling pretty successful at times, boldly failing at other times. Clearly I’ve spun my wheels in efforts- not really knowing what resiliency truly is.

I now know. 

My scope of progress has widened as I realize it has nothing to do with control (or winning). It has everything to do with letting go of everything that is God’s to control, letting go of everything that belongs to someone else, and just doing my part. Working to hear God tell me what that is and letting go of what it isn’t. It’s letting the truths of who I am as a daughter of God show up to defend the things I let in my head and heart from others or even myself. 

Resiliency is trusting myself as a daughter of God. It’s hearing her voice – connected with Heavenly Father- loud and clear over any others, no matter how well intended.
That’s true resiliency. It’s not about being tough. It’s about spirituality. It’s about emotional strength and connectivity to God. It’s about becoming a better, more evolved, wiser version of my eternal self. 
And it’s awesome! Every part of my journey is a win when I purposefully center my efforts around showing up as a daughter of God.

-JC 

Gingerbread Cookie Bars

½ cup soft butter
½ cup vegetable oil 
¾ cup sugar
¾ cup brown sugar
⅓ cup molasses
2 eggs
2 ⅔ cups flour
2 teaspoons cornstarch
1 teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons ground ginger
1 ½ teaspoons cinnamon
¾ teaspoon ground cloves
½ teaspoon nutmeg

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Cream butter, oil, and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Press mixture into a greased 9 x 13 pan. I spray my hands with baking spray and quickly and evenly press cookie dough into the pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 28+min. Let cool completely. Frost with Cinnamon Cream Cheese Frosting. 
Let set. Share.

Cinnamon Cream Cheese Frosting
6 ounces softened cream cheese
6 tablespoons soft butter
1 ½ teaspoons cinnamon
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 Tablespoons whipping cream
2 cups powdered sugar
Dash of salt

Mix cream cheese and butter until smooth. Stir in cinnamon. Add vanilla extract, whipping cream, powdered sugar, and salt. Mix until fluffy. 

I was cold. My hands were numb and I was mad…

I pulled the lawnmower pull cord three more times in compromised form with my achy, red, frozen hands, screamed a bit, and kicked the stupid thing before walking inside. I had half an acre of overgrown grass to mow with an old push mower. 

I was having a hard afternoon. The sun never got as warm as the weatherman said it would. I was mad at him- for lying to me- mad at my husband- not for traveling out of town on business- but rather for being right about the mower and mad at myself for not replacing the lawnmower when my husband suggested we do so. 

I went straight to the pantry mad that my stupid arms were so weak I couldn’t get it started. I was mad that I hated the gym and constantly cheated myself out of reps of bicep curls. 

I ate a few handfuls of cold cereal, a bag of chips, and a handful of chocolate.  My blood sugars realigned as I cracked open a mid-afternoon Diet Coke. I chastised myself for being mad…

I mentally calmed myself with a few more drags of my soda, warmed my hands under a hot faucet, and returned to my task. A simple prayer of “I’m sorry I’m grumpy but please help me get this stupid thing started…” was barely silently uttered before the ripcord extended fully and the lawnmower putted and a bit of white smoke blew into the air. I adjusted the choke and began the chore. 

That season of my life was filled with gains in knowledge of how God was working to help me see Him. I knew true strength was not gained at the gym. (Perhaps that’s why I felt less guilty about not going.) I was beginning to learn about the greatest source of power in my life. I had always thought it to be prayer. But I was beginning to learn that the greatest power came from my access to the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Both communications through prayer and access to my Savior’s Atonement were distinctly different gifts from a perfect loving Father in Heaven.   

I studied a particular verse of scripture often and began to let it become my mantra. 
“And he (Christ) shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.”
Alma 7:11

Pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind?!?! That’s a big deal!

It’s teaching me that the Atonement of Jesus Christ covers and compensates for ALL of the hard stuff and struggles- no matter who or what caused them. -Even the invisible hard…
I get to find relief, power, and strength despite the weakened mortal ability to rise above it. I am enabled to be strong because of and through my Savior, Jesus Christ. 

How do I tap into it?
How do I claim this strength? 

I’m figuring this out and in different seasons, the details change a bit.  The first step is belief… I absolutely believe it’s possible- I have faith in the concept. So then my actions have to speak that truth. I tell God I want to and am willing to accept the power available to me through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I quit trying to do so much on my own. I pray more- not just for help- but to connect with my Heavenly Father. In so doing- I let go. As I purposefully listen, God tells me what to let go of. There is so much power and peace in that.

For all things that are mine to do- I’m working to more fully choose to not go at it alone. I look around- what angels (on this side of the veil and the other) has God placed in my life? Are they here to physically help me, or just sit with me (literally or figuratively)? Loneliness has been a road I have travelled over and over. I’m not the victim of circumstance, but rather have chosen to allow loneliness to be part of my story.  It’s only part of my story when I fail to seek out the angels. I’m working on writing a new chapter to my story.

As for strength- I still skip the gym often but am becoming more adept at acquiring great gains in understanding the source of true power. It always begins with talking to God- telling Him the truth- and then walking in faith with the answer.

-JC

Brown Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies with Sea Salt

1 ¼  cups browned butter, chilled back to solid form
¾  cup granulated sugar
1 ¼ cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 ⅓+ cups all-purpose flour 
1 teaspoon baking soda
¾ teaspoon salt
2+ cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
3 oz. grated chocolate bar

Cream cooled browned butter, and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1+ minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla extract; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Stir in chocolate chips and grated chocolate. Scoop out approximately 18 3” balls of dough.  Gently roll. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake.  Sprinkle with sea salt flakes. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 385 degrees for 12+ min. If you make your cookies smaller, adjust baking temp and time.
Let set. Share!

I hated them and felt guilty that I had those feelings. I knew they were expensive. I held them in their plastic case wishing the eye doctor hadn’t told me how much I needed them. However, I knew I did- I couldn’t see clearly. The chalkboard- from the back of the classroom- was completely blurry. I compensated by listening more carefully and borrowing the notes of a neighboring classmate from their paper without asking.

We neared our home and I unfolded my glasses and put them on. I wouldn’t make it back to school before it was over for the day so I had some time to adjust to my first pair of glasses before my classmates would weigh in.
Turns out the huge maple tree in the neighbor’s yard had individual leaves on it after all.
Figures… I think I’d heard that before…
I could see each one perfectly- and yet I’m not sure I wanted to.
Wearing glasses seemed like a big price to pay to see. What would the kids at school say? Would they tease me? I had heard “Hey 4 eyes!…” and giggles towards others plenty of times.

Gratefully, my eye doctor told me I only needed to wear them in the classroom. Not a recess- not at home. I held my case tightly as I walked to school the next day.
I said nothing to anyone about my glasses.
During class, I quickly put them on, scanned the chalkboard, and committed it to memory. As quickly as they came out of their case- I put my glasses back in- hoping no one noticed.
The truth is- I only needed to wear my glasses when I wanted to see.
If I was content to be shy, or embarrassed, or prideful- I didn’t need glasses.

If I wanted to see…
I did.

I’m looking for a different kind of clarity today. It’s been cloudy and atypically cold lately. I am blessed with a few days out of town. As the plane shook a bit with turbulence climbing through the thick cloud layer- I distracted myself with an early Christmas movie I had downloaded on my phone.
Soon, there was a glare on my screen. I quickly paused my movie and took a picture out the airplane’s window of the sun getting ready to turn brilliant colors of red and yellow over the next hour of my flight. It was a beautiful reminder that hard (cloudy) days do come to an end and sunshine will return.

My trip is a fairly quick one. After the first night- I begged God for perfect clarity on what he would have me do with my life right now. Another move has left me a bit restless. A friend shared a familiar thought with me. I appreciated the reminder.
In my quest for discipleship-
It’s a simple question.
“What would Jesus do?”
It’s that perfect clarity I want to know.

As a kid, the first day I put my glasses on- I saw the neighbor’s tree.
I didn’t see the chalkboard, the sunset, the faces of people far away, or anything else on the first day. I saw what was there. I did not see all of the tomorrows- nor did I know the joys or struggles that my tomorrows would bring.
I saw leaves… just leaves…

The other day, my morning walk included a stroll through a few fallen leaves…
It left me with some questions.
I was anxious to “see” my son and his sweet wife whom we had traveled to visit.
I was excited to see the city they now call home and just be with them.
Their years of struggles with health issues have refined them. They emanate goodness and light. I feel blessed, honored, and humbled to be with them. There is so much sacrifice from them to remain optimistic, searching, and climbing toward better health. And yet-
They don’t quit…
They keep –
Smiling
Loving
Working hard
Looking outward
Sharing goodness.

This son is the middle child…
Just before his second grade school year, I purchased some closet organizers for him and his brother. There were each of the five school days stitched onto a fabric tab and a cubby just above each day of the week.
On Saturdays, the boys were asked to put their clothes away and into their cubbies for the following week.
The idea was that I could take a quick look and see that things looked ok to simplify and streamline our busy mornings- getting the boys off to school and meeting the needs of my toddler.
The boys walked a few blocks to school each morning. After school, I would often meet them at the top of the hill across the school playground and walk home with them. As I waited at the top of the hill for the boys to emerge together, I’d see my younger son wearing something seemingly completely different than what was in his closet cubby for the day. Clearly, it had been covered by a jacket in the morning before he left for school. He often wore one of his favorite jerseys and multiple SETS of wristbands.

One day as he moved his way up the hill from school, his glasses sat extremely crooked on his face- smeared with the day’s childhood grime. I noticed him wearing his favorite Allen Iverson jersey for the third day in a row.
He wore shorts despite my encouragement that he might get too cold.
And then I began to count.
He had wristbands on his wrists, biceps, calves, and one ankle. He completed his look with a dinghy headband that likely needed replacing but at minimum sent into a washing machine.
I heard his giggle before I could articulate the conversation he was having. He was happy. He chose happiness-
Over and over again.
I watched in awe as at a young age he voided the opinions of others that could potentially tear him down. He seemed to create a norm that was replicated by others. I marveled at his strength. And yet- God knew the strength my son would need at his current phase of life and blessed him to develop it while he was young.

So here I am in the zip code he now calls home- reflecting on his journey towards strength and fortitude, awaiting the text that he’s done with his internship commitments, meetings, and studies for the day. I get to see him and his sweet wife this evening.
I’m the mom- I’m supposed to come to town and lift their burdens- and yet-
I’m the one who is lifted, elevated, and inspired.

As I sit on the outdoor patio of the hotel, I can see all of the leaves on the nearby trees. I can clearly see the ladybug’s dots as it climbs up the table leg as I enjoy a mild day in early November.
And I can see that the things God needs me to see most clearly are right in front of me.
My search for more clarity can be part of my story- but not at the expense or depleted energy of doing today’s work, or enjoying today’s blessings. If I’m constantly searching for “more” -I’ll likely miss seeing what’s already obviously laid out.

-JC

Cookie Dough Krispy Treats

Make a batch of:
Marshmallow Krispy Treats
6 Tablespoons butter
10 ½ cups mini marshmallows
½ teaspoon salt
10 oz. marshmallow creme
9 cups Rice Krispies

In a large microwave safe bowl, melt butter with marshmallows for 1+ minutes.
Stir until smooth. Stir in salt.  Stir in marshmallow creme. Add Rice Krispies.  Gently fold until combined. Empty into a greased 9 x 13 pan. Spray hands with non-stick cooking spray. Use your hands to gently flatten and even out treats. Press together pieces of Cookie Dough and layer onto Marshmallow Krispy Treats layer. Freeze for 30 minutes. Cut into squares. Dip into soft chocolate made with 16oz. Chocolate bar and 2 Tablespoons coconut oil. Sprinkle with mini chocolate chips. 
Simplify treats by skipping the freezer step and top with 8 oz. melted chocolate mixed with 1 Tablespoon coconut oil. Sprinkle with mini chocolate chips.(Coconut oil is optional. It creates a softer chocolate layer.) 
Let set. Share.

Cookie Dough 
¾  cup soft butter
¾ cup granulated sugar
¾ cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 Tablespoons milk or cream
1 ½ cups flour (bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes, then sift, and cool)
⅓ teaspoon salt
1 cup mini chocolate chips

Cream butter, sugars, vanilla and milk with an electric mixer on medium-high for 30 seconds or until well incorporated. Stir in flour and salt. Mix well. Stir in chocolate chips. 

I drove home hoping to beat the rainstorm that was rolling through in the late afternoon.  I kept one eye on the sky and the other on the windy curvy road that led to our family’s home during my senior year of high school. I watched the dark clouds stack and began to hear the rolling thunder. I pulled into the driveway, ran inside the house, quickly leapt up the narrow wooden staircase, skipping every other step, and grabbed my running shoes. I slid my feet in without taking time to unlace and re-tie them and hit the asphalt outside my front door. My first few strides were met with giant raindrops turning the gray pavement black and shiny. I inhaled full breaths of the rain-soaked cleansed air and quickened my pace. I loved running in the warm summer rain. The storm quickly soaked my clothes and ponytail and I lengthened my stride a bit as I felt propelled by the pouring rain. 

It was summer in Northern Pennsylvania and rain was common. 
Storms would come quickly, dump the rain, and roll out- until the next day. Every time I could catch a quick run during a summer storm I felt connected to God’s beautifully created earth and my place in it. 
I learned to love the storm. 
Still today, given the chance to turn towards or away from a storm- I move towards them. On the walking trail and in life.  

I’m learning the importance of claiming the strength to embrace the storm with gratitude. 

I more fully recognize that God has entrusted me with all of the opportunities in my life right now-the moments of glory and the struggles. He does not lose watch over or abandon me on the hard days. I know He’s there- letting me climb. Oftentimes, God allows the storms of life to swirl around me and even knock me off of my feet. It’s all part of His perfect love. I can choose to invite my Savior to meet me where I am. I’ve learned with greater certainty that I do NOT need to reach a certain platform on my own to receive His help. And I’m learning more fully to embrace the storm, recognizing it’s a small price to pay to stroll with Deity.

A few weeks ago, an afternoon stroll was on the asphalt trail behind my home. I was blessed to get to spend a bit of time with my 2-year-old granddaughter. She had just learned how to ride her scooter and I had to nearly run to stay alongside her. She was wearing her new Nike tennis shoes. Nevertheless, every time she saw a puddle on the path she would step off of her scooter, drag it behind her and dramatically splash through the puddles. I didn’t tell her to -or ask if she wanted to-it’s just who she is. She’s strong, resilient, and brilliant. I see the light of Christ fill her and emanate outwards to bless our family’s life. And I’m a proud gramma that she seems to already be seeing the joy that comes from splashing through the puddles of life. No raincoats or rain boots required… 

She will be a fun one to watch as she continues to grow, refine, climb and draw close to God. I often wonder if she still remembers heaven.  I believe our knowledge and relationships there become a great gift as we work now to reconnect with our Heavenly Father and our Savior on this side of the veil. I know we knew Them. I look forward to watching my granddaughter learn about and re-identify her Savior- and the grace with which He meets each of us right where we are. 

I’m blessed to know I am where I am not by chance but by God’s design. 
And so- bring on the puddles, the rain, and the accompanying storm. I know the price and I’m working to be willing to pay it- to stroll with Deity. 

-JC

Pumpkin Bars with Streusel and Salted Caramel Glaze

1 ½  cups sugar
⅓  cup vegetable oil
1 egg +1 egg yolk
1 cup canned pumpkin
1 ½  cups flour
½ teaspoon cloves
1 teaspoon cinnamon
½ teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
½ cup mini chocolate chips (optional)

Mix sugar, oil, eggs and pumpkin puree until smooth. Add the dry ingredients all at once and then mix until well combined. Spread batter in a greased 9’ x 13” pan. Sprinkle with Streusel Topping, separating pieces by hand as you go. Bake at 350 degrees for 25+ minutes.Remove from the oven and let cool for 10 minutes. Drizzle Salted Caramel Glaze onto top of bars. Let Set.Share.

Streusel Topping
4 Tablespoons melted butter
⅓ cup flour
¼ cup brown sugar
½ teaspoon cinnamon
Dash of salt

Mix all ingredients at once. Streusel will be wet. 

Salted Caramel Glaze
3 Tablespoons melted butter
¼ cup caramel sauce
1 cup+ 2 Tablespoons powdered sugar
1 ½ Tablespoons whole milk
Dash of salt

Stir caramel sauce into melted butter.  Add powdered sugar and stir until smooth. Mix in milk and salt until thoroughly combined. Spoon into freezer strength Ziploc until ready to use.