Cookies and Christ

I sat at my table with morning light streaming through my windows.
My buttered toast had a perfect exterior crunch with a soft center.
I finished my Diet Coke, read a scriptural message, and stared out my window.
My prayer was simple-
“There’s so much hurt and hardship in this world.
What can I do to help…?”

I’d been pretty hard on myself lately – not keeping up with grace, weaning faith, and energy to go and do.
But on this day- I felt better and a bit more resolved that perhaps somewhere in my small corner of the world God could use my simple efforts to help lift another.
I knew what would come next…

A memory flooded my mind of my elementary classmates sitting uncomfortably in a circle, legs crossed, inches away from each other.
Well- I was uncomfortable. Many seemed just fine.
The teacher issued the instructions as she sat with us.
She would begin the activity by whispering a phrase into the classmate’s ear who was sitting next to her.
That classmate was to whisper the same message to the kid next to him and such would continue around the circle.
I was miserably uncomfortable from the beginning and whether real or imagined, the message whispered in my ear seemed to come with too much heat and spit that I couldn’t focus.
I didn’t want to be the weak link in the circle and didn’t think fast enough to realize no one would know where the message went awry.
My palms were sweaty as I tried to interpret the something “whispered” in my ear, guessing a bit while quickly passing it along, then relieved my turn was over.

The message no longer mattered.
I was so worried about receiving it correctly and sharing it the right way- I let my attempt be hurdled by my concerns.
It was time to rewrite that story.

Today, I knew what would come next-
It would be absolutely nothing demonstrative.
It would be the quietest, simplest thought….
And I would need to worry less if I understood it perfectly, or if I would go and do it just the right way…
I needed to lean in and listen to the whisper as best I could.
That’s how God would let me know how I could help.

As I looked out my window noting the beauty of the cloud formations strewn across a blue background, I knew I needed to work harder to listen.
I knew I needed to act on thoughts I’d had when I’d felt no energy to do so.
God’s never told me to fly across the country, put on a yellow vest, and help in hurricane relief.
I think He wants me in my neighborhood, lifting where I stand, with whatever strength I can claim.
If I rise to that call- He will likely bless me with another whispered thought.

I’m needing to silence the worthless noise, focus less on my weaknesses, and simply Hear Him.
I know how it plays out.
The thoughts don’t usually come as I stare out the morning window.
I get busy with my daily tasks. As I’m here and there (mentally and physically) there are people I can reach out to. It’s usually when I’m in a hurry, hungry, or feeling tired. NOT in the energy of a new day. Thus, I have to work a bit harder to identify God’s voice.

so

So I’ll try today, and again tomorrow to do it better, and in all of it, I’ll be grateful for the message from God and it’s delivery. No heat, no spit nor sputter- just gentleness and kindness.

-JC

Frosted Snickerdoodles

Snickerdoodles
1 cup soft butter
¼ cup vegetable oil
¼ cup sour cream
1 ¼ cups granulated sugar
1 ¼ cups powdered sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 ½ cups all-purpose flour
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt

Cream butter, oil, sour cream and sugars with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Scoop out approximately 24+ 2” balls of dough. Gently roll into Cinnamon-Sugar Mixture. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 13+ min. Let cool completely. Frost with Cinnamon Cream Cheese Frosting.
Let set.
Share!

Cinnamon-Sugar Mixture
2 Tablespoons granulated sugar
2 Tablespoons powdered sugar
2 Tablespoons ground cinnamon
Toss together. 

Cinnamon Cream Cheese Frosting
8 ounces softened cream cheese
½  cup soft butter
2 teaspoons cinnamon
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 Tablespoons whipping cream
3 cups powdered sugar
Dash of salt

Mix cream cheese and butter until smooth. Stir in cinnamon. Add vanilla extract, whipping cream, powdered sugar, and salt. Mix until fluffy. 

My husband and I were lounging around late on a Sunday evening. We had just hosted a large group of friends and family for dinner.
Goodbyes were followed by dishes, folding tables, and chairs returned to the basement and each of us tuned in to our personal devices to see what had happened in the rest of the world.
As I wandered onto the Redfin Real Estate app, my husband received a text. It was an update with a diagnosis and a treatment plan. My niece was 10. She lived with her family a few states away in Washington- a familiar territory where we had raised our family, moving away just before our daughter reached high school.

My husband followed the receipt of the text with a phone call. His brother seemed overwhelmed and yet calm. No doubt a response to the responsibility of a very difficult circumstance for his family.
“What is your plan?” my husband asked his brother.
Upon his response- I quickly quipped “Is that sustainable?”
Immediately I noticed my husband and I caught each other’s eyes. It felt like a big moment with a big message and the cell phone had nothing to do with it.
It was absolute truths being spoken about what God needed us to do next and it was followed by a hefty dose of me doubting my abilities.

Sometimes I wish that last phrase wasn’t part of my story that seems to be written on replay.
But maybe it’s what drives me to my knees repeatedly – first to repent for frustration, doubt, and fatigue.
And secondly to ask “Now what do I do….”
In the quiet moments that follow I get clarity.

This particular message came with the task of our 7th move in less than 10 years.
I know too much to dwell on what makes it hard.
The people I get to meet and share my life with for a season or two are always worth everything else that’s exhausting and uncomfortable.

Months into my new assignment from God, I was blessed to circle back to Arizona to a cherished relationship following the third move measured in this decade defined by change and chasing God’s will.
I showed up at her daughter’s wedding. I assume she knew I was invited but she also knew I had moved a time or two since we were blessed with a closer association. I thought about telling her I was coming but thought it would be more fun to surprise her.
And so I did.
She’s the type of friend I will love forever. I feel blessed to have shared a few seasons of our lives together. She’s also the type of friend that I would’ve gotten into a fair amount of shenanigans with had I known her in 1987.
I just adore her. She’s a woman of strength and fortitude for circumstances that seem unfair in many ways.
And yet- I marvel at her faith.
She keeps trusting, believing, and walking in faith.
And-
She’s taught her brilliant beautiful people she gets to claim as children to do the same. It was a beautiful wedding on a beautiful weekend hosting memories and moments worth cherishing.

A few days later, I returned to Washington with renewed energy and faith to get this chapter written in a way that pleases God.
I delight in the idea that I’ll get to circle back someday with 3 of my new favorite people I’ve truly come to love in this chapter.
The oldest is clever, gentle, and the quiet hero- invisible cape- type of guy.
The next is resilient, smart, and has an incredible sense of humor.
The youngest demonstrates the most tireless efforts of bravery in anyone I’ve ever met.

All 3 motivate and inspire me daily to try a little harder to be a little better.
I’m excited to continue to watch them grow, learn, and see just how carefully God is in the details of their lives and how perfect and individual His love is for each of them.
I can see -as in all the prior moves –
How mindful God is of me as well.
He sees me.
He knows me.
His perfect love always results in the blessings I need most that I don’t even know how to ask for.

-JC

Apple Pie Carmelitas

Spiced Oat Crumb Mixture
Mix together:
1 ¼ cups packed brown sugar 
1 ½ cups all-purpose flour 
2 cups quick oats
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons cinnamon 
1 teaspoon nutmeg

Add: 1 ¼ cups browned butter.
Stir until pea-sized crumbs form.  

Press 2/3 of the mixture in the bottom of a 9×13 pan greased with baking spray. Bake at 400 for 12 minutes.

Apple Pie Filling
8 medium apples, peeled, sliced and cut into pieces
3 Tablespoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1  cups brown sugar
½ cup all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons cinnamon
¾ teaspoon nutmeg

Toss apples in lemon juice and vanilla extract. Combine remaining ingredients in a separate bowl, stir, then fold into apples.  Depending on how thin apples are sliced and desired softness, place in a microwave safe bowl and pre-cook for 5 minutes in microwave,

Remove Spiced Oat Crumb Mixture from the oven and spoon on Apple Pie Filling. Press down gently.
Sprinkle remaining Spiced Oat Crumb Mixture over the top and return to the oven for 35 minutes. 
Let set. 
Drizzle Caramel Sauce over the top of each piece when serving.  Serve with ice cream or whipped topping if desired.

Caramel Sauce
1 cup sugar
6 Tablespoons melted butter
½ cup slightly warmed cream
1  teaspoon sea salt

Heat sugar in a saucepan on medium-low heat.  Stir every 30 seconds. Sugar will initially clump together and then melt and turn an amber color. After all the sugar pieces are melted, remove from heat. Stir in butter.  This mixture may splatter a bit until mixed in.  Stir in cream and salt.  Let cool until ready to use. 

The opportunity costs seemed high…
Independence
Exploration
Financial success

I couldn’t sleep.

I had already said yes- but I knew I could change my mind and move on.
I wasn’t ready to be pinned down, get married, and fall into the roles of wife and mother.
I had been taught they were noble choices for life-
But I had an innate sense of fear of missing out on all of the unknowns for the bougie pant-suit-filled big city life I had imagined and hoped my future would hold.
I would look important, be important, and do important things as I walked the big city scene in my high-dollar wardrobe.
I was going to be “someone”

By saying “yes” and following through with the marriage proposal that was just 12 hours old –
Somehow I knew I’d be trading my dreams in for a very different reality.
My choice was big and very real.

But perhaps my dialogue needed a shift.
It’s a bit dramatic to sound off saying I would have to trade my dreams in for a different reality…
What about leaning into a different dream? Perhaps one I hadn’t considered or thought I knew enough about- instead of running away from it…

My heart was troubled over the next few days as I worked to sort out what I thought I knew and wanted.

Lately, I’ve felt the weight of a troubled heart again in my life. And similarly, it came on the heels of me feeling like I already knew the answer. Specifically –
God’s answer for this season of life.

Here’s what I’ve learned-
Sometimes our hearts get troubled. A simple prayer I sometimes utter is “Heavenly Father, please calm my troubled heart.”
He probably understands why it’s troubled more than I do. These are times when it’s easy to get frustrated with myself that I even feel troubled.
I circle back to grace. God’s grace is perfect and sufficient. I need to take note, lean on that, and extend the same grace to myself so that it’s more available to people around me. I have learned this. I feel like in so many ways I’ve nearly perfected it, but I am frustrated that I keep having to try so hard.
Why can’t grace itself just be easy?
Why can’t just knowing it’s important, agreeing with myself and God to have it-
Why can’t that be enough?
Why is the doing so hard?
It’s the same concept as so many spiritual journeys.
It’s not just a checklist all at once. Like- I check it off and it’s done. It’s like understanding and exercising the miracle of forgiveness. Sometimes we have to forgive over and over again. Grace is the same way. Sometimes we have to exercise grace for ourselves over and over again even if it’s the same situation. I’m grateful that the Exemplar of Grace does NOT hold back, only allowing me a certain number of times to get it right.
Christ truly is the perfect example. He gives me (and you) as many chances as it takes to get it right. I’m trying to learn to do that for myself.

Because-
I know God just wants me to keep trying. He wants me to keep trusting and keep believing. He knows there’s hope, health, and happiness ahead. He needs me only to believe, put aside fear, and flex my faith.

33 years ago I traded one dream for another. On that very day, 33 years after I married my college sweetheart, I was blessed with a week away with the people I love most. I never could have understood the joy this new dream would lead to. Nor could I understand the depth of the type of “someone” I was capable of becoming as I let God guide my life.
I’m grateful now and then-
I’m grateful I worked with God to let Him calm my troubled heart and flex my faith with a white dress and a new dream.

-JC

Peanut Butter Pie Cookies

1 cup soft butter
1 cup granulated sugar
⅔  cup packed brown sugar
2  eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cream butter and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in egg and vanilla; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 1 Tablespoon more flour for high elevation. Scoop out approximately 16 1.5” balls of dough.  Gently roll.  For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly, and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 12 min. Let cool completely. Pipe peanut butter Cream onto each cookie. Drizzle with melted peanut butter and Peanut Butter Fudge Ganache. 
Refrigerate until serving. 
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Peanut Butter Cream
8 oz. softened cream cheese
¾ cup creamy peanut butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 ½ cups powdered sugar
Dash of salt
16 oz. thawed Cool Whip

Mix cream cheese and peanut butter together until well blended. Stir in vanilla extract. Add powdered sugar and salt and mix on high for 3-5 minutes. Fold in thawed Cool Whip. Spoon into two different gallon sized Ziploc bags. (This will make it easier to handle.) Refrigerate until ready to use.
Drizzle with Peanut butter fudge icing

Peanut Butter Chocolate Fudge ganache
½ cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
¼ cup creamy peanut butter
2 Tablespoons soft butter
2 Tablespoons whole milk
½ teaspoon vanilla.

Melt chocolate chips, butter and peanut butter in microwave for 30 seconds or until mixture can be stirred smooth. Stir in milk and vanilla.

I rode the 4-wheeler down the dusty rows a bit faster than I had been advised to do.

The set of wheels came on loan with my promotion. The new position had no title and no specific list of tasks- which happened to be great for my potentially undiagnosed ADD.
Undoubtedly the gig was so far superior to the first one I had taken that summer after my Sophomore year of college. –
The first job was selected purely based on potential financial gains.

I was working in a factory.
My task to be repeated every several seconds over my 8-hour shift was to quickly grasp a handle from the box and place it in the slot of the machine as a plastic cup rotated onto the top location.
Seconds later the machine heated the union and another large plastic soda mug was ready for wherever it had been ordered from.

Grasp a handle.
Slide it into the slot.
Repeat.
For 8 hours.

Did I mention I worked the graveyard shift? It was worth a few more pennies an hour.
The job was miserable and I was miserable doing it.
Daily, I scoured the newspaper’s Help Wanted section looking for different temporary work for the summer.

One day- I saw an ad to pick strawberries. The pay was 25 cents per quart.
Due to my Iowa upbringing and countless hours of experience harvesting from our family’s gardens. I deemed myself more than qualified. After my first few days on the job, my expectations regarding my performance proved to be correct.

Boss man saw my quick work and decent people skills and I was promoted to harvesting cauliflower and broccoli and selling it and the other produce at the roadside stand.
When I saw my new ride – a four-wheeler with an attached wagon, I was so grateful for my new summer job.

This looked fun.

My boss asked if I knew how to drive it.
I had never even been this close to one of these magnificent machines before and without hesitation I lied and said “Of course!”
I quickly figured it out and before long, I was headed full-throttle to the far fields. I excitedly harvested the day’s vegetables in preparation for the roadside stand to open.

Each day- I’d report to the fields just after dawn, harvest, and return the produce to the stand. It was a great gig!

One week before my last shift of the summer, I carelessly sliced my finger open as I cut the cauliflower spears.
Thus-
I rode the 4-wheeler down the dusty rows a bit faster than I had been advised to do.
Dripping blood all over the handle, I told my boss I needed a bandaid-

Six stitches later, six days later, I got married.

33 summers have since passed.
There’s likely been a million decisions since the pivot of summer jobs from the depressing factory to the sun-filled days on the farm riding my (boss’) four-wheeler with the wind in my hair and dust marking my previous path.

The best decisions I’ve made and continue to make are deliberate.
They are the result of counseling with God- but not just on my knees…
Usually, it’s out for a walk, the accent of a hike, mowing the lawn, driving in my car, or at my Kitchen-aid.
My decisions are also riddled with mistakes that result in literal and figurative stitches, scars, bumps and bruises.

Through life’s experiences, I know for sure God only has imperfect people to work with. Thus- I can continue climbing through my discipleship grateful for do-overs and God giving me as many chances as it takes to get “it” right.

Read it again…

I can continue climbing through my discipleship grateful for do-overs and God giving me as many chances as it takes to get “it” right.

How are you climbing?

-JC

Oreo Cake Bars

Oreo Crumb Mixture

Crush 18 oz. Oreo cookies into crumbs.
Set aside 1/2 cup of crumbs for garnish.
Add 6 Tablespoons melted butter and ¾ teaspoon of salt to Oreo crumbs. 
Mix together.

Prepare a 15’ x 10’ pan with parchment/baking spray.
Pat Oreo Crumb Mixture into a prepared baking dish. Spread Chocolate Cake Layer over top. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes or until done. Cool completely.
Frost with Oreo Cream. Refrigerate until ready to serve. Garnish as desired with Oreo crumbs/additional Oreos
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Chocolate Cake Layer
1 boxed chocolate cake mix (15 oz.)
1 3 oz. package instant chocolate pudding mix
½ cup vegetable oil
½ cup water
1 cup sour cream
4 eggs
Mix all ingredients together with an electric mixer on medium-high speed for 2 minutes. 

Oreo Cream
8 oz. softened cream cheese
20 crushed Oreo cookies
16 oz. thawed Cool Whip
Mix cream cheese and Oreo cookies together until well blended. Fold in thawed Cool Whip. 

A new friend voiced an observation to me – about me -that pierced my heart.
I had sought out a friendly pickleball game like I did most mornings this past summer. I was grateful this group let me into theirs- to share time laughter and friendship on the courts. As we were packing up to leave one morning after a few hours of play, I was voicing concern about being frustrated with getting my serves in play, consistently. I felt like I had already mastered this part of the game, and seemingly without warning, my techniques and muscle memory had stopped working.
Listening to me bemoan my troubles, my new friend quickly replied “ Wow! You’re so hard on yourself…”
Her assessment stunned me. Those were not words I wanted to be said about me. I have spent so much time working over the past few years to try and master grace for myself so that I could have a legacy of extending it to others freely. I’ve worked tirelessly to understand grace through the eyes of my Savior, as He extends it to me. I’ve been working to mirror His discipleship by extending it to myself, and therefore, seeing that it becomes extremely easy to offer to any and all whom I have the opportunity to cross paths with.
Knowing all of this isn’t the same as doing all of this. I thought I was doing kinda, sorta okay –
I found out on the pickleball courts as I packed my bag to leave, that there was no mastery at all. There was only weakness.
In short- I’m trying to be Christlike and it’s hard. 😉
I left for a trip out of town for my niece’s wedding determined to figure out how to let go and return to a place of grace.
During my week away, I began by hiring the most beautiful, brilliant, strong, wise, and talented pickleball coach I could find- my daughter.
She was tough but loving as she instructed me to stop relying on muscle memory. It was why I was missing my serve so often. She told me to begin anew by being deliberate with technique, slowing down, and taking my time. We met each morning at 7 a.m. before she went to one of her other two jobs to walk me through good form and function in improving this pivotal part of my game. Every morning I would serve hundreds of balls, resulting in a slight improvement and an extremely sore arm.
More importantly that week, I looked into my soul trying to figure out why extending grace to myself had become increasingly difficult despite all of the committed work I had done, and notable progress.
I tracked it back to some potential mental muscle memory.
I had moved back to the town where I raised my kids. It was my 7th move in 9 3/4 years. I felt a bit nostalgic as I returned to a place that felt so much like home for so many years. Unfortunately, I picked up old habits. I was working so hard trying to get my new gig “right”. I was trying too hard on my own- to the fault of failing to recognize that faltering and falling was going to be a huge part of this chapter.
Equally though, I was being blessed with energy and ideas beyond my own to help make it right when I couldn’t get it right on my own. God was trying to help me, but I kept getting in the way.
It centered around being deliberate with tireless energy and focus on trying not to fall down and more effort on getting back up by taking my Savior’s outstretched hand.
My niece’s wedding week was filled with cherished memories including dancing with Dad and my sisters at her reception. These moments are fleeting. I’m always grateful as I near the season of my parents’ birthdays that I’m blessed to have another year of celebrating with them.
I also took from my week away- an adjustment to my pickleball serve which – with continued practice – is changing the trajectory of my game.
Likewise- I’ve centered on renewed energy to return to a life of grace- receiving it from Christ and working to anchor my life around it.
Daily (even multiple times daily), I’ve talked openly with God about all of this-
Frustrations, joys, cherished memories, gratitude for help in pickleball and life and so many details in between.
I know He hears me.
I know He wants me to talk it all over with Him and then listen as He lets me know that many blessings come now, some will come later, and some will wait until heaven-
But-
His love and timing in all of it are exactly what I need.

-JC

(The Best Ever) Rice Krispy Treats

6 Tablespoons butter
10 ½ cups (16 oz.) mini marshmallows
½ teaspoon salt
10 oz. marshmallow creme
9 ½ cups Rice Krispies
1 ½ cups (additional) mini marshmallows

In a large microwave safe bowl, melt butter with marshmallows for 1-2 minutes.
Stir in salt.  Stir in marshmallow creme. Stir until smooth. Add Rice Krispies.  Fold over thoroughly until combined. Stir in remaining marshmallows. Pour into a greased 9 x 13 pan. Spray hands with non-stick cooking spray. Use your hands to flatten and even out treats.
Let set. Share!

I pulled into the gas station, unbuckled my toddler from her car seat, clasped her hand, and tried to keep up as she excitedly ran into the market with me.
She headed straight for the refrigerated drinks, and without exchanging very many words, I pulled the small carton of chocolate milk from the shelf and handed it to her. I poured my fountain drink of choice, a Diet Coke with minimal ice from the soda station and headed to the counter to greet the checkout clerk.
My daughter cradled her chocolate milk tightly. The attendant nodded, noting that she didn’t even need to let go of it for him to tally it up. We left with our drinks and headed down the street to what became a very familiar Monday lunch break. On days when the weather was nice, I let her get out of her car seat and climb the steps up-and-down with her hand in mine as I steadied it. Days when the weather was cool or windy, my daughter climbed into the front seat on my lap.
We sang together-

“I love to see the temple.
I’ll go inside someday
I’ll covenant with The Father…”

She didn’t know the words very well and certainly did not understand their significance or the life-saving ordinances that accompany that choice. But I hoped that she would remember the happiness she felt and someday connect that to her constant unwavering availability to talk to God.

Decades have since passed.

I recently found myself back in the time, place and space where so many memories were made and many have come flooding back as part of the roads traveled in raising a family in SE Washington.

There are memories and moments I want to remember- and so many I had hoped to forget forever.
Maybe that’s harsh.

Forgetting is the easier step. The truth is, I have to work to forgive myself for ways I tried to journey that don’t emulate many of the ways I hope to show up today.
So many of the days I came to the Monday lunch stop – I felt broken inside… weak, exhausted.
I rarely returned Tuesday-Saturday to worship and serve in the temple.
I felt like I didn’t have the energy, time or a strong enough desire.

But I loved God. And I prayed I could raise a daughter who was a stronger, more resilient woman than I saw myself to be.

Sometimes these memories break my heart a little.
Sometimes my resolve to teach my kids strength and fortitude make me wince a bit, because of the missing components.

It was a worthwhile effort…
I just wish there was a hefty dose of grace taught alongside it.
I now know that it’s okay to be tired, weak and broken…
Especially when we extend grace to self and seek to walk the roads with our Savior, relenting our own strength and resting in His.

Occasionally, I still find myself stopping for a fountain Diet Coke, and walking by the refrigerator case to see if there’s a carton of chocolate milk…
The memory of my toddler’s favorite Monday lunch stop reminds me of the unseen strength available through Christ… and His angels.
I know firsthand the power and help of these angels from experiences of faith.
I’ve also learned the best way to magnify my tired, weak efforts is to go to the house of the Lord- to worship, to serve, and to call on angels to help a momma out!

-JC

Lemon Coconut Cookies

1 cup soft butter
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
1 egg + 1 egg yolk
2 teaspoons lemon extract
Zest of 1 lemon
2 ¾ cups all-purpose flour 
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 cups white chocolate pieces
1 ½ cups flaked coconut

Cream butter and sugars with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs, lemon extract and lemon zest; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Gently stir in white chocolate and coconut. Scoop out approximately 20+ 2” balls of dough. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 12+ min. 
Let set. Share!

I sat on the edge of the mini trampoline in my son’s backyard and watched my granddaughter show me all of her new tricks as I visited with my amazing daughter-in-law. They had settled nicely into their new neighborhood they had moved to a year prior and seemed to be on a good trajectory.

I had brought a gift for my grand-daughter-
A new book.
We settled in on the trampoline side by side as we opened the cover.
She looked at me and simply said “You came back to us…”
She had a sweet content tone as she simply stated the resoluteness and I’ve pondered her phrase countless times since.

I had moved to a different town a few states away several months prior. Instead of seeing her multiple times a week, weeks would go by in between my visits. She understood I wasn’t there as much but clearly had no capacity to understand the why.

It’s the idea of coming back, her calmness in noting it and seemingly all at the same time excusing my absence.

It’s how I believe God feels when I distance myself from talking with Him, hearing Him or following Him.
A complicated question I find myself asking is “Does God have expectations of me?”

He’s all-knowing. So if He knows what I’ll do- does He actually expect anything of me?

I feel like His great gift to me is agency. When I fall short of using that gift wisely, how do I course-correct?

It’s simple-
I circle back.
I come back.

It’s easier than packing a suitcase and boarding a flight.

It’s a conversation- between me and God…

He knows, but I tell Him anyway. Acknowledging where I fall short gives it a place and space to grow and evolve from. Then I recommit to trying harder to be a little better in even one moment of my day. Then move forward with grace for myself for falling short and resolve to circle back-

Because coming back is filled with absolute indescribable joy.

-JC

Salted Caramel Cheesecake Brownies 

Brownie Layer
Make up a brownie mix (16-20 oz) as directed.

Spread ½ of Brownie Layer evenly onto greased/parchment lined 8” square aluminum baking pan. 
Spoon and carefully spread Salted Caramel Cheesecake Layer onto Brownie Layer. Top with remaining Brownie Layer. Bake at 350 degrees for 38+ minutes or until set. (This will vary depending on size (oz.) of brownie mix used.)
Let cool. Drizzle with Caramel Fudge.
Let set. Share.

Salted Caramel Cheesecake Layer
8 oz. softened cream cheese
⅓ cup packed brown sugar
1 egg yolk
½ teaspoon vanilla
⅛ teaspoon salt
1 cup mini chocolate chips 

Beat together cream cheese, sugar, egg yolk, vanilla, and salt until smooth.  Stir in chocolate chips.

Caramel Fudge
⅓  cup caramel sauce
⅔ cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Melt together caramel sauce and chocolate chips. Spoon into freezer strength Ziploc until ready to use. (Heat gently just before drizzling onto brownies.)

I hate birthdays.
Not yours… just mine. 😉
I don’t know why.
I dread them and only feel relief when the day is over.
It’s not an age thing- not fear of getting older- bring it!
But rather just the layers of expectations plagued by a day of celebration.
Is this a dramatic response to a day that’s simply supposed to be filled with unlimited Diet Coke and an acquisition of cake?
Yes. Why yes it is.
Still -it’s how I feel. And since this is my blog- welcome to my brain about my birthday. 😂

This past birthday I awoke at 4 a.m. feeling stuck.
A bit mental – of course…
But literally physical. My back, hips, and any other large muscle group that exists in my mid-back through my calves were having the wrong kind of party all at my expense.
I could hardly rotate to free myself out of the usually comfy place of refuge- my bed…
I used gravity to aid my exit and put aside thoughts of unbalanced water chemicals and with a strong hitch in my giddy-up, I headed to my hot tub on my back patio.
There would be no sunrise despite my 4 a.m. wake-up call. The air was thick with smoke from brush fires hundreds of miles away.
I pondered the end of one year and the beginning of another.

I’ve noted what I believe to be a long list of signs that the world is getting a bit rougher as we near the return of the Savior.
I can’t say that I’m surprised. – I’ve read the Book of Revelation and I believe the warnings and prophesies contained therein.
But in the early morning of the beginning of another year of life- I assess how I’m doing.

I’ve been working to regain grace too much to make it an early morning pity party of regret.
Rather- I assess my discipleship and my goals of how I can work a little harder to be a little better in helping Christ do His work here on earth.
I know these are thoughts He wants me to think about as nearly instantaneously the adversary tries to take up space next to me.

I know there will be some pivots in my life this year. Change is on the horizon.
And yet the strongest prompting today is simply to choose joy.

Just over a year ago, I purchased an inexpensive necklace with that very message. “Choose Joy”. I never took it off and yet felt like it was a daily reminder to focus on the good and be a part of bringing good to the spaces and places I went.
One day it broke.
The- can’t be fixed because it was cheap- kind of broken. I looked online for a replacement and in the subsequent days, Amazon had all sorts of suggestions for a new necklace for me.
I deliberately chose a different message. One that has proven to be exactly the message I’ve needed to lean on this year as I’ve been stretched to grow in unexpected ways.
“I can do all things through Christ.”
If there was more space on the pendant – it might have been helpful to include the following phrases-
“Including the things I’m not good at or don’t want to do, but don’t want to not do if God wants me to do them.”

So where do I go from here-
Stretching first in hopes I can loosen my back and get some pickleball in. If that’s too big of a birthday blessing to hope for then I guess I couple the past mantra and my new one as etched in cheap metal.
“Choose joy as I work to do all things through Christ”
This next year isn’t going to be easy. I know from experience- none of them will be as we near Christ’s return.
But all things are possible through Christ.
My journey to assessing His power and the privileges and blessings available to each of us begins in my heart with faith.
I then imagine Christ and I having a little chit-chat. On days I feel strong, I can come to Him to talk over the things I’m not getting right but also to unload my stresses, and tough stuff. He wants it and I don’t- so it’s a pretty good working relationship. On days my strength is depleted I look for Him to come to me- to meet me right where I am. (I love that I know this is how it works. It’s part of Christ’s perfect example of grace.)
Next- I move my feet in the direction I feel He wants me to go.
The steps seem little and often nearly useless in the grand scheme of things, but joy accompanies the idea of taking them.

So this year on my birthday as I shallowly breathe smoky air, I summarize three birthday wishes/goals…
*I recommit to stronger discipleship with renewed energy
*To take care of myself with better, more purposeful stretching to rid the hitch in my step- physically (and spiritually)
*An acquisition of cake.
After all-
“Men are that they might have joy.”
And I’m working to keep choosing it!

-JC

Butterfinger Topped Peanut Butter Cookies

1 cup soft butter
1 cup peanut butter
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 egg+ 1 egg yolk
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Cream butter, peanut butter and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Scoop out approximately 24 2” balls of dough. Gently roll. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly, and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 12 min. Let cool completely. 

Spread a spoonful of Butterscotch Chocolate Fudge onto the center of each cookie. Immediately top with chopped Butterfinger candies.

Let set. Share.

Butterscotch Chocolate Fudge
1 1/2  cups butterscotch chips
1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

Melt together. Use while still warm so fudge is easy to spread.

It was the fourth quarter and the game was on the line. Our team was pushing the ball down the field on a drive led by the quarterback. I anxiously watched the play clock, as the seconds ticked down to 4 minutes to go in the game. I high-fived the group that I had come to the college football game with – knowing I would only figure out what happened next by hearing the cheers or groans of the 59,999 other people in the stadium that day. 

As I walked towards the office, my question was simple:
“Is cleaning toilets God’s work or will for me?”

Recently- I’ have’ve had the same question as I’ve hosted some temporary, but consistent “company” and it’s the second season in my life that I’ve pondered this question. 

The first time was in 1988.
I had just cleaned 80 toilets and was sent to help my “teammate” finish his 80. I was taught by my parents to work quickly and be thorough. Perhaps it was a skillset I wasn’t sure I was proud of on this given day.
My manager had already told me I was in discussions to be considered a team lead (promotion) despite having only been on the job for a few months.
It was a promotion I had no interest in. I was grateful to have a job – but I was not interested in furthering my career in this industry. 

My job was simple and carried with it a few perks, but no glory.
I was a custodian.
Therefore, cleaning toilets put bread on the table. But truth be told, I was a college student who was sick of sandwiches and had discovered the ease of cold cereal for three meals a day. So in actuality- cleaning toilets put cereal on the table…

The perks were the reason I took the job. But even they- came with an opportunity cost.
My custodial duties included daily shifts beginning at 4 a.m., and cleaning after all events at both the football stadium and basketball arena.
Therein were the perks. My admission ticket was “free”.

I was required to report to my station halfway through the 4th quarter of every basketball game, and within 4 minutes left on the time clock of the football game.
I never saw the last-second shot, rushed the field, or high-fived my group with a last clutch play in a game.
I reported for duty. 

It was a humble job.
Fitting- since faith mixed with humility took me there…

The other day I sprayed my new favorite cleaner (weird that I have one of those…?) on a toilet to give it a refresh…
I asked myself the same question…
“Is cleaning toilets God’s work or will for me?”

Maybe the details of such are all the results of my agency…
But there’s no doubt in my mind that I’m where God has asked me to go and I’ve been sent to do His work. Cleaning toilets is just a simple effect of the cause that brought me to where I am. 

It began with sifting through the noise to better hear God amongst all of the clamor and differing opinions. As others weigh in on thoughts about what I should do or where I should go. I need to Hear God and claim the strength He gives me through the Atonement of His son, Jesus Christ to leave behind what’s of no use and embrace the knowledge that God will speak to me. 

It’s a reassurance that I’ve known at times in my life. There are common themes surrounding it this time- just like the last. It’s a confidence of being where God wants me to be and whatever the daily details of ‘doing’ are – even cleaning toilets- they seem to matter less. I’ll suffice today with peace in this chapter, and giving myself a high-five for an awesome bathroom refresh!

-JC

Oat Crumble Pumpkin Bars

1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
½ cup vegetable oil 
2 eggs
3/4 cup sour cream
1 ½ cups canned pumpkin purée
2 ⅔ cups flour
¾ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
¾ teaspoon ground cloves
1 ½ teaspoons ground cinnamon
½ teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon ground ginger

Cream sugar with oil. Stir in eggs, sour cream and pumpkin puree.
Add dry ingredients and stir until well blended. 
Spoon batter into a greased/ parchment lined 9” x 13” baking pan. 
Sprinkle with Spiced Oat Crumble. Bake at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes, or until done. Let cool a bit.
Drizzle with Spiced Cream Cheese Icing. 
Let set. Share!

Spiced Oat Crumble
Brown ½ cup +2 Tablespoons butter by melting it on medium-high heat until it’s foamy and turns brown.  Remove from heat and let cool for 15 minutes.

Mix together:
½ cup +2 Tablespoons packed brown sugar 
¾ cup all-purpose flour 
1 cup quick oats
½ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon 
½ teaspoon nutmeg

Add browned butter.
Stir until pea-sized crumbs form. 
Set aside.

Spiced Cream Cheese Icing
4 Tablespoons softened cream cheese
3 Tablespoons soft butter
1/3 cup whole milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 ¾ cups powdered sugar
½ teaspoon cinnamon
Dash of ground cloves
Dash of salt

Combine the ingredients all at once and use a food processor or electric mixer to blend thoroughly. 
Spoon into quart size freezer strength Ziploc. Cut small corner to pipe onto bars.

Hands, hands, fingers, thumbs” I said to my granddaughter.
She knew the routine.
We were crossing a street and despite her quest for independence, she knew this was a moment of required compliance.

She grabbed my hand as the promise of Chik Fil A mac and cheese was deemed worthy of relenting her independence for a moment.
We ate, she played and I got worn out watching her.
We returned to the parking lot.
“Hands, hands, fingers, thumbs” was quickly met with a cute small hand grasping for my wrinkled, yet steady one.

As we drove away we repeatedly chanted “Hands, hands, fingers, thumbs! Many more monkeys drumming on drums.” She didn’t know the reference.
My mind turned back to the days turning into weeks when I had memorized the Dr. Seuss book.
I was placed on partial bed rest at the end of my pregnancy with our second son. Bren, my oldest, was a toddler.
Our small apartment proved to make keeping an eye on him while I rested an easy task. 600 sq ft with a few childproof doors kept him close by.
He often saw my comfy spot on the sofa as an invitation to bring me some books and have an impromptu read-a-thon. We owned 8 books.
It was a “cancel anytime” introductory offer for a book club. I canceled after I received my first 8 books for less than $2.
I couldn’t afford the monthly membership fee to keep receiving books each month- so we had our complete library of 8 on the TV stand.
I read each of them multiple times a day quickly memorizing their sing-song rhymes.

It was a season of life plagued by loneliness.
Since then, that feeling has been occasionally magnified again and again in some unexpected ways.
I’m an extrovert. I have conversations with nearly everyone I meet- even in the check-out line at the store. I thrive on simple or in-depth conversations.
However, I’ve learned there are times, places, and seasons where loneliness is part of my journey.
I long for connection.

A few years ago if you would have asked me what a lonely girl looks like- I would have described her as one who sits in solitude in a dimly lit room.
Not a physical description- but more of a mental one.

I understand it better now.

In certain seasons, I know myself as a lonely lady – she is often super busy.
She has been blessed with a beautiful family and the opportunity to see them often. She has friends, neighbors, and acquaintances who accompany her through countless joy-filled days.
She has ideas, goals, dreams, and an ambitious drive to pursue them.
She would say she has been deeply blessed.
She knows the source of these blessings, endless more, and the perfect love of her Creator, a loving God, her eternal Father in Heaven.

And yet she acknowledges her loneliness.

As I see that girl in a quiet room, my lens changes, adjusts, and improves…as I scan out.

I see hosts of Angels fulfilling the promise that “they that be with us are more than they that be with them.”
I see a loving Heavenly Father standing in watch, extending His hand- pointing to and instructing our Savior Jesus Christ to come and be with her…
…to come and be with me.

And He will come and be with you.

We are only as alone in our loneliness as we allow ourselves to distance ourselves from God.
Connection to Him cures it.
My connection to Him is deliberate and eternal as I work to better understand who I am.
I am His daughter.
I belong to Him.

Feelings of loneliness are a cyclic part of my story, but I better understand how to see these feelings, and thus seek connection from God to understand their place and purpose.

These blessings and privileges are mine to claim as a daughter of God.
It’s through this process of seeking connection that I better understand God and my Savior -who often walked a seemingly lonely path in discipleship.

Who am I?
I’m a daughter of God.
He sees me, all of me, and loves me perfectly accordingly.
Through Him and because of Him, I understand connection to Him is always mine to claim through verbal and silent prayers.

As I do my part to tell my Heavenly Father the truth about how I’m doing, thinking and feeling, seeking his wisdom, I work through the struggle and realize simple blessings granted to me- just for trying…

Simple blessings-
Like a car ride coupled with an energetic toddler with a quest for discovery and an untiring desire to chant “Hands, hands, fingers, thumbs…” simply because Gramma is doing it. ❤️

-JC

S’mores Krispy Treats

6 Tablespoons butter
16 oz. mini marshmallows
½ teaspoon salt
10 oz. marshmallow fluff
6 cups crisp rice cereal
8 cups Golden Grahams cereal
2+ cups milk chocolate chips

Melt butter and mini marshmallows mixed with salt in a large bowl in the microwave. (Approximately 1 minute.) Stir in the marshmallow fluff until smooth. Stir in rice cereal and Golden Grahams cereal. Fold in chocolate chips.
Press mixture into a greased/parchment lined 9 x 13 pan. 
Garnish with graham cereal, toasted marshmallows and Hershey bar pieces.