Cookies and Christ

A few years ago-

I adjusted my blanket to close a gap in coverage. My heated seat was helping my plight, but the air conditioning in the movie theater marking a thirty-degree swing from the outdoor Arizona summer temperatures was overwhelming. We had just become empty-nesters and the rite of passage seemed to come with late-afternoon movies.
I enjoyed the 120-minute escape complete with salty popcorn for dinner and returned home while it was still light outside.
There were no ball games to go to, homework to help with, or late-night chit-chats to stay up for.

This new phase of life was coupled with complicated feelings….
I had reservations…
(And not the bougie dinner kind- I hate those!😉)

Clearly, I forgot to develop skills and hobbies necessary for a smooth transition to life without the day-to-day household responsibility (mixed with joys) of children.
In the years that followed, I worked to develop hobbies and a side hustle, but nothing filled the void in my heart and home.
The kids had left. They took with them their energy, busyness, and yes- even the mess.

And I hated it.

Until…
The new kid came along. ❤️
It was 3 ½ years ago that I changed my thoughts. Or rather she changed them.
A perfect little granddaughter.
As it turns out- I feel better when a mini-human tornado turns a clean room into chaos and a clean floor into a crumb-fest.
Lately- she’s innately manifesting a mannerism of her Dad when he was a kid. I love it! It’s so small and simple and yet the mere thought of it takes me back to years of backyard play and insatiable energy.

Back then- our evening routine always began with me being exhausted. I felt zombie-ish as I mechanically parented through bath time, scriptures, and stories.
Nevertheless, I placed faith in what I hoped was the truth and trudged along.
As the decades passed, I never stopped to wonder if it was worth the time to read scriptures with the kids every night- even and especially on the nights I felt too tired.
We just simply did it.
I needed to believe in something larger than the lens available to me.
Somewhere along the way, the kids had to decide if the stories in these scriptural accounts were true….
If Christ walked the earth and if God was real…
Now- as news reports are filled with calamities and chaos. As a family of adults, we often text chat about a particular event as the promised signs of Christ’s return.

Calmness and peace are part of my daily story.
Not all day, every day-
Yet, it more so defines this season of life.
I’ve deliberately decided that choosing joy is just that- a choice.
And I’m so grateful-
Some moments of some days it’s easier than others.

So if you wonder what’s worth the effort and what’s not…?

If you wonder if your tireless efforts matter?
If you wonder if anything and everything you do that gets undone is worth it?
If you wonder if words on a page become messages written on a young heart?
If you wonder if you’ll miss your little people when they are grown and gone?
It’s all a resounding “YES”.

It’s all hard. It’s all worth it.
And I circle back to one of my all-time favorites…
“Keep loving.
Keep trying.
Keep trusting.
Keep believing.
Keep growing.
Heaven is cheering you on.
Today, tomorrow, and forever.”

Today, my joy is full. Two months ago, we received the next gift from heaven- a grandson.
I’m grateful for the perspective a new life brings and the reminder that any step or thought towards faith in God and His Son, Jesus Christ is worth every tired, mechanical, or zombie-like effort.
My hope is that if you’re in the phase of struggle, use a mirror filled with grace.
Breathe.
And lean on the strength available to you through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It’s how we get through and “see” what God needs us to know about Him.

2023 has been tough in a million invisible Goliath-filled ways.
But because I’m working to borrow God’s lens a bit better-
It’s also been the most blessed year yet!

Thanks for joining me in Cookies and Christ 2023!!

-JC

(Easy) Lemon Cake Bars

1 lemon cake mix
1/3 cup oil
1/3 cup water
1 cup sour cream
4 eggs
1 small package of lemon pudding

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Combine all in the ingredients and mix until smooth. Pour into a greased 10 x 15 bar pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 28-30 minutes. Remove from the oven and let cool completely. Frost with Lemon Cream Frosting. (A can of prepared lemon frosting will work if you’d like.) Drizzle with Lemon Icing.  Let set. Share.

Lemon Cream Frosting
6 oz. softened  cream cheese
6 Tablespoons soft butter
Zest of lemon
2 Tablespoons lemon juice
½ teaspoon lemon extract
2 ¼ cups powdered sugar
Dash of salt

Cream together cream cheese, butter, and lemon zest with an electric mixer until smooth. Mix in lemon juice, lemon extract, 1 cup of powdered sugar and dash of salt. Mix until smooth. Add remaining powdered sugar and whip on high for 3 minutes. 

Lemon Icing
4 Tablespoons lemon juice
2 cups powdered sugar
Dash of salt

Blend until smooth. Spoon into freezer strength Ziploc until ready to use.

A few years ago, I woke up one morning with nervous energy. I had been asked to teach a short class at a weekend retreat with the teenagers at our church.
I was also asked to fill my SUV with four of these bright brilliant beautiful people and head to a two-day “Girls Camp”.
My nerves were likely rooted in the idea that this was the first time I had been invited back to any kind of “Girls Camp” after having been dismissed “permanently” nearly 40 years prior when I was 13 years old- all on account of non-compliance.

I ate my breakfast of champions: toast and Diet Coke, grabbed my bags,
and headed out.
I started my rig only to be rudely greeted with warning signs and sirens indicating low air pressure with one of my tires.

I quickly exited my rig, frustrated that I didn’t have time for even a tiny crisis. My tire wasn’t just low, it was flat; the culprit- a nail- was visible. I brushed off frustration and entered problem-solving mode. I quickly pivoted, took my husband’s truck (with permission), and was on my way.

Our Girls Camp group met together, received instructions, and loaded up in the cars for an on-time departure. The only problem I encountered was that my reading classes were not in my husband’s truck. They were in the console of my SUV tucked away back at home in my garage.
The driving directions were in tiny font and I couldn’t even begin to read them.
Nevertheless, I had the help of a 17-year-old navigator.
We made it to camp great, but later that afternoon while returning to the cabin after an outing- I got lost.

We were in the woods in unfamiliar territory surrounded by dense vegetation.
I had the girls tell me which way they thought we should go at every crossroad.
Soon the road narrowed significantly and there was a drop off on one side. The fun chit-chatter in the car quieted and I noted the shift to silent fear.
I slowed to a stop and asked the girls if they thought it was the right time to pray for help. They unanimously indicated it was time and one of those beautiful faith-filled teenagers uttered a prayer pleading for help so that we could find our way back to the cabin.

I was thoroughly calm, though completely lost. I knew we had been headed in the wrong direction, but hoped the lesson in being lost and finding our way may be one we remembered for some time.

Within 10 minutes we circled back to the main road, found a gas station, and the rescue vehicle that was sent to find us.
The girls and I went in, filled the counter with snacks and sodas, and enthusiastically recounted the fun we had while being lost in the woods and finding our way out.

I may not have gained favor with the PIC (person in charge), but I’m hoping our truck full of girls better understood God’s availability to each of us.

The moment before we prayed felt tense. The mood had obviously shifted and safety felt a bit compromised. All agreed we needed help and needed it right then.
And God knew it all-
He also knew there were more experiences awaiting the girls at camp and that it was time to get back.

God’s love-
God’s timing-

Lost in the woods, I had let go of controlling the turns we took to initially find the cabin. I turned it over to the girls- knowing the route may not be direct. Such was not the most important path that afternoon.

Likewise, a perfectly direct path is not what matters most today. Arriving at the destination I seek is never more important than how I show up for the journey. God knows this perfectly and thus allows me to feel or even become lost in my level of agency.

My non-compliance with the schedule of Girls Camp that day may return me to the list of people less likely to be asked to attend again. 😉
But it was worth it to watch faith grow, and be inspired by a simple prayer uttered in complete faith that God heard and chose to quickly answer.

I reflect on this experience often as I work to better understand God’s availability to me. I begin with being honest and vulnerable as I approach him in silent and verbal pleas for the strength to let go of controlling the outcomes of life and submit to the joy of the journey.

God is 100% available to me but without hesitation, I understand that it is His perfect love and intent that allows my agency to play out. He is there with His Son to await me with perfect grace and nudge me to gain the same.

An untimely flat tire, or any other hiccup comes with it an opportunity to seek God and decide what I believe about how He can and may show up to lead me and guide me as I work to battle through the “stuff” that can lead me- based on what I choose to believe- towards or away from a belief in Him.

It’s all part of His perfect wisdom.
But without hesitation, I know. I am never lost to Him. His watchful eye and Shepard Son always have me within reach.
As my eyes and hand shift upward- that’s the faith They want from me to meet me where I am.

-JC

Scotcheroo Balls

1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup corn syrup
1  ¼ cups peanut butter
6 cups Rice Krispies cereal
2 cups milk chocolate or semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 cups butterscotch chips
3 Tablespoons Crisco or coconut oil

Mix sugar into corn syrup. Heat until dissolved, not boiling. Stir in peanut butter.  Fold into Rice Krispies. Scoop out 48 balls of Scotcheroos. Lightly spray hands with baking spray and roll balls gently. Prepare Chocolate and butterscotch chips for dipping by melting them with Crisco. Stir well. Dip each ball into the chocolate mixture. Garnish with additional butterscotch or chocolate drizzle. (I melted an additional ½ cup butterscotch chips with ½ Tablespoon Crisco for drizzle.) Let set. Share!

I typically hate road trips. But sometimes the opportunity costs to travel by plane are too great so I pour myself a large gas station Diet Coke, grab a bag of jalapeño Cheetos, (sometimes even) a package of crumb donuts, and hit the open road.

This particular day’s journey was expected to take about 4.5 hours.

A college basketball game was starting that I was interested in watching. Clearly, I couldn’t watch and drive (I don’t have a self-driving rig) so I looked for a radio broadcast.
My search turned up with only static so I started the telecast on my phone with only intent to listen to the game.
I was listening to the broadcast, following the game pretty well as I knew all of the players, their tendencies, and their strength in talent. At one point on an offensive possession, I heard a whistle blow. Instinctively, I looked down at my phone seeking out the reason for the stop in play. I quickly realized I had drifted near the shoulder.
It was not an emergent situation on the highway that day, but the challenge to “stay in your lane” has become a huge focus in my life lately.

I define it as the concept of claiming and owning what’s mine, but carefully and clearly turning over what’s God’s to God and what’s someone else’s – to them. It centers around understanding the importance of agency- using our own while allowing others the growth to use theirs as well. It encompasses the understanding that controlling a situation or outcome proves to never be God’s way or His desire for us. So I’m working to “stay in my lane”.

What I’ve learned-
Is that it’s impossible to do it.
I’m too fast, too slow, too impatient, and too lazy.
I can’t stay in my lane.
But I’m learning how to get back into it after I feel the rumble strip of God urging me to work a bit harder to get it right.

A few months ago, I met a friend for a walk up a hill. The locals call it a mountain. After traversing the switchbacks of real hiking I can only call it a “walk up a hill”. Nevertheless, I quickly came to love this hill, and any who would accompany me as I climbed.

On this particular day, I showed up with fire. I was energized and frustrated, and spit and sputtered my whole way up the hill. My friend listened and as we neared the top she asked me what I was going to do to solve my problem…

!!!

I knew the answer. I needed to course-correct and get back in my lane. God knows me and all of my imperfections. And He loves me anyway.
I love the idea that all God has to work with are imperfect people and He does His best and thus asks us to do the same.

It’s a great lens to look at life through.
So I take my imperfect-lane swerving self, distracted by ball games, opinions, and destinations and I talk them over with God.
He will often bring just one simple idea to my mind of one thing I can do that day to resolve my plight and stay focused on what and who matters most. He will do the same for each of us on our own journeys.

On that warm sunny day-
Following the spit and sputter, sweat and moments of breathlessness…
Peace followed the climb- as it so often does…

-JC

Peppermint Oreo Hot Fudge Brownie Sundae Bars

Brownie Layer:
1 18 oz. pre-packaged brownie mix without chocolate chunks (I prefer Dark Chocolate Duncan Hines)
2 Tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 Tablespoons cocoa
1 egg + 1 egg yolk
3 Tablespoons sour cream 
⅓ cup vegetable oil
⅓ cup whole milk 

—

2.5 Quarts Ice Cream (I mixed peppermint Oreo chunks into vanilla ice cream)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Mix together brownie mix with the rest of the ingredients for the Brownie Layer. Mix on medium speed just until blended. Don’t over-mix. Spray a 9” x 13” pan with baking spray. Place a 12” x 16” parchment sheet into the pan so that the 12” side of parchment lays in the 13” side of the pan and there’s several inches on either side of the 9” side. (You will remove brownie sundae bars from the pan before serving. This extra parchment serves as an easy way to remove from the pan.  This step can be omitted if you’d like to serve it straight from the baking pan.) Spread brownie mixture evenly over parchment paper lined pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 20+ minutes. Remove from the oven and let cool completely. Soften ice cream and spoon over cooled brownies. Spread out evenly. Freeze for 2+ hours. Flatten pieces of Peppermint Oreo Layer and place on top of the Ice Cream layer.  Freeze for 2 more hours. Just before serving, loosen edges with a knife then pull on parchment paper to remove from the pan. Cut into 24 squares. Serve with warm Peppermint Hot Fudge Sauce. Share!

Peppermint Oreo Layer
15oz package of Peppermint Oreos (I use the Trader Joe’s version- seasonal item)
6 oz. Cream cheese

Crush Oreos. Add softened cream cheese. Mix well. I prefer the food processor for both of these jobs. It takes less than a minute each.

Peppermint Hot Fudge Sauce
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 cup heavy whipping cream
¾ teaspoon peppermint extract
Dash of salt

Melt chocolate chips and cream in the microwave for 1 minute and stir until smooth. Stir in salt. Serve warm.

The hospice nurse told me to catch my flight back east and watch my daughter compete in her final collegiate track and field meet.

I hesitated and doubted her advice.
“I can’t do it. I can’t leave my gramma here to die alone…” was my nearly silent rebuttal.

My mind immediately flashed back to the previous fall.
The picture in my mind of the old man, small in stature and drunk, is still sharp and accompanied by a rise in my heart rate by the mere memory.
And yet, in the moment, I felt fearless, energized, and a bit hyped on adrenaline to be on God’s errand.
The drunken man raised his hand to strike me.
I leaned in, paused, and with deliberate, sharp words not typically part of my vocabulary, I dared him to just do it and hit me.
I seemingly fearlessly with strength, resolve, and power beyond my own –
came to my gramma’s defense.
I was completely prepared to be struck, accompanied by my resolve to call the police and press charges. I was ready to do whatever it took to put an end to years of abuse that my gramma had suffered.

The previous week, my sister followed a prompting from God to go check on Gramma. While on the phone with her, I momentarily hesitated as I checked my calendar to note a hefty opportunity cost to booking a ticket to accompany her. I quickly resolved my concerns with the idea that there was no way I could stay back and make my sister go alone.
At the time-
We had no idea the trouble Gramma was in. A neighbor tipped us off that the situation was declining and her health and safety were completely compromised.
But we had no idea the extent of her troubles…

With God guiding our steps- my sister’s skills proved clutch at the police station as she talked her way into a copy of the file with the restraining orders and multiple police reports.
We had no time to agonize over how this man had traumatized Gramma since marrying her a couple of years prior.
I spoke with Gramma every Thursday morning on the phone and had no understanding of all of the secrets she was keeping. I never noted even a hint of the distress she was in.

But the moment of God needing me to rescue her had come.
I gathered strength and courage beyond my own. We arrived at Gramma’s house the previous day with a surprise visit.
We told her we were going to have a girl’s weekend and asked her to let her new husband know we were going to be monopolizing her time.
They two had kept each of their personal residences since marrying but were primarily at my Gramma’s.
We dropped her off at her husband’s home to let him know we were in town for a quick visit and offered to accompany her inside.
We recently knew we had reason to be concerned but had not yet told Gramma what we knew.
I told her I’d keep the car running and stay outside as she asked, but that in exactly 5 minutes, we’d be coming inside if she wasn’t back out.
She glanced at me with curiosity and I confirmed my resolution.

Exactly 5 minutes later, my sister and I entered the home without knocking, stepping over a shattered alcohol bottle with its spilled contents.
The scene was unfamiliar to me. I didn’t grow up or have exposure to this type of tough stuff, but my purpose that day became very clear very quickly.

On this day- the story concludes that I was not beaten by this troubled man- and neither was my gramma.
It took a few months to get the paperwork and power of attorney in place for the final stage of rescue. Unfortunately, her quick medical decline followed suit.

Months later, sitting next to her bed, the hospice nurse told me that she was at peace.
The words echoed absolute truth. She had nearly 90 years of a hard life. She deserved peace-
But I had trouble reconciling leaving my perch by her bed.
The hospice nurse returned often. She saw my distress and conflicted heart wanting to be in two places at once.
Multiple times my gramma would try to open her eyes and speak. I wanted to know what she desperately was fighting with life to tell me.
The nurse shared with me that many times our loved ones can’t leave life until they have a moment alone. I again refused the idea that my presence was making this harder on Gramma.
The nurse then looked into my tear-filled eyes and asked me what I believed about where my gramma would go next.
Without hesitation, I told her she would be enthusiastically greeted by her Daddy and so many others. She was a Daddy’s Girl through and through and often told me stories of their adventures in planes, boats, and fast cars.
The hospice nurse shared my belief and spoke to my soul as she told me “No one ever dies alone. This room will be filled with people (who’ve also passed) who love her.”

Peace overcame me and I left to go to my daughter. Hours later, my Gramma was greeted by her parents and countless others who welcomed her home.

Everything in life is God’s work. He was teaching me that when He calls my name to help His children, He will specifically bless me and empower me with every ounce of energy and intelligence needed to accomplish His purposes.

In this experience, I greater understood God’s perfect love and His perfect plan for each of us as we work to help each other out in returning to Him.
And I better understood that although seemingly atypical gifts- my sharp tongue, grit, and fearless nature had a purpose in God’s work.
At least today… 😉

-JC

Browned Butter Iced Gingerbread Oatmeal Cookies

1 cup soft butter
2 cups dark brown sugar
½ cup molasses
2 eggs
3 cups flour
2 cups quick oats
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons ground ginger
2 teaspoons cinnamon 
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon ground cloves

Cream butter and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 2 minutes or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Scoop out approximately 24  2.5.” balls of dough. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake.  Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 12-14 min. Let cool. Drizzle with Brown Butter Icing. 
Let set. Share!

Brown Butter Icing
½ cup butter, browned and cooled
¼ cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Dash of salt 
2 ¾ cups powdered sugar

Heat butter in a saucepan on medium low until it foams and turns brown. Remove from heat and let cool. Combine the remaining ingredients and use a food processor or electric mixer to blend thoroughly. 

There was a fly in his lasagna. 
I saw it myself.  
The moment I approached his table, I was notified by his wife. My face undoubtedly reflected my natural reaction. He wanted more. 

Upon closer evaluation, I responded with curiosity mixed with “Huh?…sure enough…”
He wanted horror and disbelief from me to join the mood of the table. 
I didn’t have it for him. 
I simply said-
“What would you like me to get you instead? I’m assuming you don’t want to roll the dice on another plate of lasagna…?”

He was not amused.

“Just the check-“ He replied curtly. 

“Well I can assure you there won’t be one of those tonight.” I quickly replied. 

He immediately softened to almost concern. 
I was (obviously) 7 months pregnant, waitressing at a pizza-pasta place in a college town. 
It was a well-liked restaurant just past the edge of campus. 
He cautiously and carefully inquired more as to why and how I had the authority to comp his meal. 
I knew who I was. 
He didn’t. 

How many times have I found myself responding or reacting to someone else’s assumptions about who I am?

Countless. 

Most of us do so all the time without realizing it. 
The concern is-
Do we change who we are to meet the expectations of others?
Or- 
Do we calmly and confidently speak up and speak out, knowing exactly who we are?

Some areas of my life- I’m on point with doing this right, and some- I’m terrible. 
It goes back to reconnecting with who I am as a Daughter of God. 
It stems from living a life where the Spirit is and can be present.   
Then it’s fueled by the responsibility to speak up and speak out for truth. 
Truth- in all the ways I understand it. 
It’s fearlessly defending truth even when the questions feel more like darts at my decision making. 

Let’s take a note from Taylor Swift here…
Two of my three children have many of her songs on their playlists. Time spent with them over the years means I have Taylor on replay in my mind- and when her lyrics speak truth- it’s a great thing!
Like here-
Saying, “It’s gonna be alright.”
“Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
Shake it off, I shake it off”

I have to shake off any and everything that causes me to pause and hesitate to fill a certain role or meet an expectation someone else has for me. 
That’s not who God created me to be. 
I’m His daughter. 
I answer to Him. 

As I create a spiritually safe space to change and evolve into understanding and gaining further personal revelation as who God needs me to be and how He needs me to show up- 
In that safety, I align my thoughts with God. 
Clarity is then available for the taking. 
My walk and talk then prove I am His daughter. 
This is the legacy I’m working to create for my life. 

While I battle in the trenches to do so-
Sometimes there’s a hiccup- or a fly in the lasagna- and I know it’s not a problem. 
Because I’m a daughter of God. 

In 1990, there was a little star on my name tag- which meant I worked as an -on the restaurant floor manager- on my closing shifts. I had full authority and autonomy to simply do the right thing. 
This particular evening, it landed the restaurant patron an all-expense paid trip to the pasta bar, free dessert, and a comped check for his party of 4. 

So therein lies the point to the importance of the work to better understand who I am as a daughter of God and show up in all areas of my life accordingly. 

I’m His daughter. 

I answer to Him. 

-JC

Biscoff Blondie Bars

Biscoff Crust 
Crush 7 oz. Biscoff cookies
Add-
4 Tablespoons butter
¼ teaspoon salt 

Mix until well combined.
Press crust into the bottom of a greased 8” baking dish. 
Top with Blondie Bar Layer. 
Bake at 350 degrees for 38+ minutes.  These are gooey when first out of the oven and set up for cutting when they cool down. Let cool completely. 
Frost with Biscoff Buttercream Frosting.
Drizzle with jarred Biscoff Cookie Butter. 

Blondie Bar Layer
¾  cup melted butter
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 egg + 1 egg yolk 
2 Tablespoons sour cream
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 ⅓ cups all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
Mix together melted butter and sugar.  Stir in eggs, sour cream and vanilla; don’t overmix.  Add dry ingredients all at once.  Stir until texture is smooth. 

Biscoff Buttercream Frosting
½ cup soft butter
½  cup Biscoff Cookie Butter
1 ¼ + cups powdered  sugar
½ teaspoon vanilla
Dash of salt
2 Tablespoons whipping cream

Cream butter and cookie butter on medium speed for 1 minute.
Stir in powdered sugar. Add vanilla salt, and cream. Whip for 3 minutes.
Spoon into Ziploc bag until ready to use. 

A few months ago, I found myself watching every video or news report that covered the recent Maui fires.
I mourned for those who were panicked not knowing which way to run for reprieve of the smoke and fire that would take the lives of so many.

Our original travel plans had us in Hawaii the very week the tragedy struck.
But that’s not my story.

We pivoted plans and vacationed without incident the week before.
My kids all shifted their summer travel plans and we were able to create an impromptu trip cashing in years of banked airline miles and hotel points to gather together in Maui.

Our week together was filled with magical moments. At one point we were all in the ocean in waist-deep water. The waves were gentle as we chatted.
My granddaughter looked one way and then the other; she turned around again in the water. Her life jacket gave her the ability to float with a bit more freedom.
Her assessment- ”We’re having a pool party!!”

Everyone was there. It was a party indeed.
Everyone. No one was missing, working, or otherwise engaged. We gathered together.
It was magical and spiritual. It was eternal.
These are my forever people.
We are not a large family- 9 in total at the time. (10 now!!!)

We also know that moments together are not easy to come by and need to be celebrated.
The reminder was evident as images of ash took the places of the streets and restaurants we had visited the week before.

Where do I go from here with cherished memories for myself and yet grief for those whose lives have changed forever?

I have to resolve with God that at this moment- His plan for me is not the same as for some of those who perished in Maui or whose lives were changed forever on the heels of destruction.
This time- I was gifted the blessings of magical memories.
And yet, I know without hesitation that God forsakes no one. We simply have different challenges, tests, and trials of faith. At any moment as I look around, everyone I see has a story, including my own. They are filled with moments of joy mixed with agonizing grief.

I’ve learned I need to be more gentle with myself and others as I journey.

And I’ve learned that on my hardest days, gratitude lifts my mood and can change my outlook.

I recently was having a rough day or several moments of hard that I chose to focus on. I had not done well managing my expectations and the aftermath left me exhausted and grumpy.
I opened my phone’s Home Screen to see a photo I had placed there over a year prior.

It’s the Savior’s hand outstretched toward me.

I was reminded that lingering in fatigue and crankiness is a choice.
I quickly opened my notes app and scanned to find a file created a few weeks prior.
I scanned the list I had made and resolved to add to it.
I quickly typed:
“Pickleball. A place and a people.”

I had begun a note of things I’m grateful for and challenged myself to deliberately add to it during tough moments.
It’s helped me understand the things I believe in and can talk over with God.
It reminds me to look for ways He sees me.
The practice has helped me trade exhaustion, fatigue, grumpiness, and crankiness for a bit of God’s light.

Sometimes the path still feels dark and I have a choice-
I can faithfully take one small step. I can re-commit to a belief in a God. I am not gifted with His perfect lens in turmoil.
Thus-
As faith and a moment of energy to act on it become part of my story, I am then charged to turn to a neighbor to assist them in building their faith, strength, or resolve.

Today- I believe God just wants me to talk it all over with Him, to include Him, and to love His children, including myself, as He does. And He wants me to celebrate and focus more heavily on magical moments that dot the calendar pages of my year. God is showing up amidst the calamities and chaos of our fallen world- He doesn’t leave us…
His Spirit and His son, Jesus Christ are always and eternally united to help us.

I’m working to better see…

-JC

Red Velvet Marbled Sugar Cookies with Whipped White Chocolate Ganache

Make a batch of : Sugar Cookies
½ cup soft butter
1  cup granulated sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
6 Tablespoons sour cream
2 cups all-purpose flour
½  teaspoon baking soda
½  teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt

Cream butter and sugar with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in egg, vanilla and sour cream.  Don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Refrigerate dough for 2 hours. 

Make a batch of: Red Velvet Sugar Cookies
½ cup soft butter
1 cup granulated sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
6 Tablespoons sour cream
1 teaspoon red gel food dye
1 ½ Tablespoons cocoa
2 cups all-purpose flour
½  teaspoon baking soda
½  teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt

Cream butter and sugar with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in egg, vanilla and sour cream.  Stir in cocoa and red dye. Don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Refrigerate dough for 2 hours.

Place ¼ cup+ flour in a bowl. Use this to keep hands dry as you marble the dough. (Dust fingertips each time as you roll and marble dough.)
Scoop out 24 balls of each kind of dough.  
Place one of each cookie dough ball on top of the other.
Next, break the dough disc in half and stack. You now have four layers of dough in alternating flavors.
Break in half and stack again. Now, roll into a ball. You will see the marble effect. Flatten slightly. Bake at 350 degrees for 14-16 minutes, depending on size. Cool. Frost with Whipped White Chocolate Ganache.
Let set. 
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Whipped White Chocolate Ganache
2 cups white chocolate pieces
1 cup whipping cream
1 teaspoon vanilla bean paste (or vanilla extract)
Dash of salt

Melt chocolate into whipping cream. Let cool until room temp. (Your freezer can fast-forward this job.)  Whip with an electric mixer for 3-4 minutes. Spoon into freezer strength Ziploc until ready to use.

It was time. The stillness of the morning echoed the knowledge and surety of the decision. Thus- I leaned into that.
Hard…..

(I’ll back up the story a bit…)

My mom had called a few weeks prior in the early morning hour of 6 am. Dad was driving. They were together and he had a question for me.

I had assumed an early call from Mom (never typical) meant otherwise- like the emergency kind of otherwise. I’d been working with God on a big decision and felt like it would be easier if there was a big visible need to force the decision one way or another.

No matter what I decided, it would affect other people. Some would be sad. Perhaps even others – glad. 😉
Nevertheless, it was hard. It was really -Really -REALLY hard.

When you let people in and love them-
leaving them is hard- really hard- even if you only leave for a season.
The hard comes from knowing the next season together is never promised. God’s wisdom and timeline make it so.

So in the early morning hour, Mom’s call was inconsequential in my decision making. I was left with silence, my thoughts, and questions for God. I needed to know if it was time for me to return home…

I reflected on the advice I’ve given so many times in coaching.

“Stop spinning your wheels seeking for your answer and just seek connection with God.”

It’s actually so much less stressful and can begin immediately. The idea is to place cues in your spaces and places that remind you to pray.
To talk with God- throughout your day- all day -and tell Him the truth about what you feel and think. It includes prayers in silence or verbal communion- you get to choose.
But just seek connection-
potentially focusing on gratitude and love.

The success stories of those who’ve tried it aren’t mine to tell. But this one is.

It wasn’t long before my heart and mind aligned with God’s will for me.
I filled up an XL Diet Coke and grabbed a bag of Jalapeño Cheetos.
I had to-
Bren (my oldest) had taught me years ago. We were living in St. George Utah and he would come down from college seeking fun in the sun. Every road trip required Jalapeno Cheetos. I’ve adopted his snack of choice as my own ever since.

I’m not much of a crier, (Unless I’m hungry…😂) but I am sentimental at times and this was one of them.
Driving away was hard the first time, ten years prior, and seemingly harder the second. Dry eyes eluded me as I caught the reflection of sunrise in my rearview mirror.

It was time. The stillness of the morning echoed the knowledge and surety of the decision. I leaned into that.
Hard…..

So again I circled back to a quote that has been on replay in my mind.
President Nelson: “Of course it’s hard. Everything to do with becoming more like the Savior is difficult.”

The only way I feel like I’m becoming more like the savior is taken from a scene in His life where He overturns the tables at the temple.
I’ve overturned a lot of “tables” in my life…
But none of them have money changers and they are NOT in the temple so I’m pretty sure I’m still a major work in progress to becoming more like Christ.

My road trip concluded 10 hours later.
I couldn’t wait to go see my granddaughter. I needed her. She ran into my arms and I held her tight until she gasped for air and freedom letting me know the hug was a bit too long. 😂

It was time.
It was still hard to leave loved ones left behind two states away.
But the truth was sure and still…

I needed only to connect with God to hear it.

The joy greeting me on the other end of the road trip was immeasurable.
I could feel a nod from God and peace surrounding the hard but right decision marking a clear path on where God needed me-
For at least a season.

-JC

Reese’s Peanut Butter Krispy Treats

Peanut Butter Krispy Layer
Melt together:
6 Tablespoons butter
¾ cup creamy peanut butter
10 cups (16 oz) mini marshmallows
¼ teaspoon salt

Stir until smooth. 

Add:
2 cups mini marshmallows
7 ½ cups krispy cereal

Press ½ of Peanut Butter Krispy Layer into greased 9”x13” pan.
Melt ½ cup peanut butter into a quart size freezer strength ziploc.  Cut the corner and drizzle half of the peanut butter over the Peanut Butter Krispy Layer. Sprinkle 3 cups cut up Reese’s Peanut Butter cups onto peanut butter drizzle. Then drizzle remaining melted peanut butter on top of Reese’s.  Place pieces of remaining Peanut Butter Krispy Layer on top and gently press together.  
Let set. Garnish as desired with more melted peanut butter, milk chocolate and mini peanut butter cups (Trader Joes’s)

I sat at my table with morning light streaming through my windows.
My buttered toast had a perfect exterior crunch with a soft center.
I finished my Diet Coke, read a scriptural message, and stared out my window.
My prayer was simple-
“There’s so much hurt and hardship in this world.
What can I do to help…?”

I’d been pretty hard on myself lately – not keeping up with grace, weaning faith, and energy to go and do.
But on this day- I felt better and a bit more resolved that perhaps somewhere in my small corner of the world God could use my simple efforts to help lift another.
I knew what would come next…

A memory flooded my mind of my elementary classmates sitting uncomfortably in a circle, legs crossed, inches away from each other.
Well- I was uncomfortable. Many seemed just fine.
The teacher issued the instructions as she sat with us.
She would begin the activity by whispering a phrase into the classmate’s ear who was sitting next to her.
That classmate was to whisper the same message to the kid next to him and such would continue around the circle.
I was miserably uncomfortable from the beginning and whether real or imagined, the message whispered in my ear seemed to come with too much heat and spit that I couldn’t focus.
I didn’t want to be the weak link in the circle and didn’t think fast enough to realize no one would know where the message went awry.
My palms were sweaty as I tried to interpret the something “whispered” in my ear, guessing a bit while quickly passing it along, then relieved my turn was over.

The message no longer mattered.
I was so worried about receiving it correctly and sharing it the right way- I let my attempt be hurdled by my concerns.
It was time to rewrite that story.

Today, I knew what would come next-
It would be absolutely nothing demonstrative.
It would be the quietest, simplest thought….
And I would need to worry less if I understood it perfectly, or if I would go and do it just the right way…
I needed to lean in and listen to the whisper as best I could.
That’s how God would let me know how I could help.

As I looked out my window noting the beauty of the cloud formations strewn across a blue background, I knew I needed to work harder to listen.
I knew I needed to act on thoughts I’d had when I’d felt no energy to do so.
God’s never told me to fly across the country, put on a yellow vest, and help in hurricane relief.
I think He wants me in my neighborhood, lifting where I stand, with whatever strength I can claim.
If I rise to that call- He will likely bless me with another whispered thought.

I’m needing to silence the worthless noise, focus less on my weaknesses, and simply Hear Him.
I know how it plays out.
The thoughts don’t usually come as I stare out the morning window.
I get busy with my daily tasks. As I’m here and there (mentally and physically) there are people I can reach out to. It’s usually when I’m in a hurry, hungry, or feeling tired. NOT in the energy of a new day. Thus, I have to work a bit harder to identify God’s voice.

so

So I’ll try today, and again tomorrow to do it better, and in all of it, I’ll be grateful for the message from God and it’s delivery. No heat, no spit nor sputter- just gentleness and kindness.

-JC

Frosted Snickerdoodles

Snickerdoodles
1 cup soft butter
¼ cup vegetable oil
¼ cup sour cream
1 ¼ cups granulated sugar
1 ¼ cups powdered sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 ½ cups all-purpose flour
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt

Cream butter, oil, sour cream and sugars with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Scoop out approximately 24+ 2” balls of dough. Gently roll into Cinnamon-Sugar Mixture. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 13+ min. Let cool completely. Frost with Cinnamon Cream Cheese Frosting.
Let set.
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Cinnamon-Sugar Mixture
2 Tablespoons granulated sugar
2 Tablespoons powdered sugar
2 Tablespoons ground cinnamon
Toss together. 

Cinnamon Cream Cheese Frosting
8 ounces softened cream cheese
½  cup soft butter
2 teaspoons cinnamon
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 Tablespoons whipping cream
3 cups powdered sugar
Dash of salt

Mix cream cheese and butter until smooth. Stir in cinnamon. Add vanilla extract, whipping cream, powdered sugar, and salt. Mix until fluffy. 

My husband and I were lounging around late on a Sunday evening. We had just hosted a large group of friends and family for dinner.
Goodbyes were followed by dishes, folding tables, and chairs returned to the basement and each of us tuned in to our personal devices to see what had happened in the rest of the world.
As I wandered onto the Redfin Real Estate app, my husband received a text. It was an update with a diagnosis and a treatment plan. My niece was 10. She lived with her family a few states away in Washington- a familiar territory where we had raised our family, moving away just before our daughter reached high school.

My husband followed the receipt of the text with a phone call. His brother seemed overwhelmed and yet calm. No doubt a response to the responsibility of a very difficult circumstance for his family.
“What is your plan?” my husband asked his brother.
Upon his response- I quickly quipped “Is that sustainable?”
Immediately I noticed my husband and I caught each other’s eyes. It felt like a big moment with a big message and the cell phone had nothing to do with it.
It was absolute truths being spoken about what God needed us to do next and it was followed by a hefty dose of me doubting my abilities.

Sometimes I wish that last phrase wasn’t part of my story that seems to be written on replay.
But maybe it’s what drives me to my knees repeatedly – first to repent for frustration, doubt, and fatigue.
And secondly to ask “Now what do I do….”
In the quiet moments that follow I get clarity.

This particular message came with the task of our 7th move in less than 10 years.
I know too much to dwell on what makes it hard.
The people I get to meet and share my life with for a season or two are always worth everything else that’s exhausting and uncomfortable.

Months into my new assignment from God, I was blessed to circle back to Arizona to a cherished relationship following the third move measured in this decade defined by change and chasing God’s will.
I showed up at her daughter’s wedding. I assume she knew I was invited but she also knew I had moved a time or two since we were blessed with a closer association. I thought about telling her I was coming but thought it would be more fun to surprise her.
And so I did.
She’s the type of friend I will love forever. I feel blessed to have shared a few seasons of our lives together. She’s also the type of friend that I would’ve gotten into a fair amount of shenanigans with had I known her in 1987.
I just adore her. She’s a woman of strength and fortitude for circumstances that seem unfair in many ways.
And yet- I marvel at her faith.
She keeps trusting, believing, and walking in faith.
And-
She’s taught her brilliant beautiful people she gets to claim as children to do the same. It was a beautiful wedding on a beautiful weekend hosting memories and moments worth cherishing.

A few days later, I returned to Washington with renewed energy and faith to get this chapter written in a way that pleases God.
I delight in the idea that I’ll get to circle back someday with 3 of my new favorite people I’ve truly come to love in this chapter.
The oldest is clever, gentle, and the quiet hero- invisible cape- type of guy.
The next is resilient, smart, and has an incredible sense of humor.
The youngest demonstrates the most tireless efforts of bravery in anyone I’ve ever met.

All 3 motivate and inspire me daily to try a little harder to be a little better.
I’m excited to continue to watch them grow, learn, and see just how carefully God is in the details of their lives and how perfect and individual His love is for each of them.
I can see -as in all the prior moves –
How mindful God is of me as well.
He sees me.
He knows me.
His perfect love always results in the blessings I need most that I don’t even know how to ask for.

-JC

Apple Pie Carmelitas

Spiced Oat Crumb Mixture
Mix together:
1 ¼ cups packed brown sugar 
1 ½ cups all-purpose flour 
2 cups quick oats
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons cinnamon 
1 teaspoon nutmeg

Add: 1 ¼ cups browned butter.
Stir until pea-sized crumbs form.  

Press 2/3 of the mixture in the bottom of a 9×13 pan greased with baking spray. Bake at 400 for 12 minutes.

Apple Pie Filling
8 medium apples, peeled, sliced and cut into pieces
3 Tablespoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1  cups brown sugar
½ cup all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons cinnamon
¾ teaspoon nutmeg

Toss apples in lemon juice and vanilla extract. Combine remaining ingredients in a separate bowl, stir, then fold into apples.  Depending on how thin apples are sliced and desired softness, place in a microwave safe bowl and pre-cook for 5 minutes in microwave,

Remove Spiced Oat Crumb Mixture from the oven and spoon on Apple Pie Filling. Press down gently.
Sprinkle remaining Spiced Oat Crumb Mixture over the top and return to the oven for 35 minutes. 
Let set. 
Drizzle Caramel Sauce over the top of each piece when serving.  Serve with ice cream or whipped topping if desired.

Caramel Sauce
1 cup sugar
6 Tablespoons melted butter
½ cup slightly warmed cream
1  teaspoon sea salt

Heat sugar in a saucepan on medium-low heat.  Stir every 30 seconds. Sugar will initially clump together and then melt and turn an amber color. After all the sugar pieces are melted, remove from heat. Stir in butter.  This mixture may splatter a bit until mixed in.  Stir in cream and salt.  Let cool until ready to use. 

The opportunity costs seemed high…
Independence
Exploration
Financial success

I couldn’t sleep.

I had already said yes- but I knew I could change my mind and move on.
I wasn’t ready to be pinned down, get married, and fall into the roles of wife and mother.
I had been taught they were noble choices for life-
But I had an innate sense of fear of missing out on all of the unknowns for the bougie pant-suit-filled big city life I had imagined and hoped my future would hold.
I would look important, be important, and do important things as I walked the big city scene in my high-dollar wardrobe.
I was going to be “someone”

By saying “yes” and following through with the marriage proposal that was just 12 hours old –
Somehow I knew I’d be trading my dreams in for a very different reality.
My choice was big and very real.

But perhaps my dialogue needed a shift.
It’s a bit dramatic to sound off saying I would have to trade my dreams in for a different reality…
What about leaning into a different dream? Perhaps one I hadn’t considered or thought I knew enough about- instead of running away from it…

My heart was troubled over the next few days as I worked to sort out what I thought I knew and wanted.

Lately, I’ve felt the weight of a troubled heart again in my life. And similarly, it came on the heels of me feeling like I already knew the answer. Specifically –
God’s answer for this season of life.

Here’s what I’ve learned-
Sometimes our hearts get troubled. A simple prayer I sometimes utter is “Heavenly Father, please calm my troubled heart.”
He probably understands why it’s troubled more than I do. These are times when it’s easy to get frustrated with myself that I even feel troubled.
I circle back to grace. God’s grace is perfect and sufficient. I need to take note, lean on that, and extend the same grace to myself so that it’s more available to people around me. I have learned this. I feel like in so many ways I’ve nearly perfected it, but I am frustrated that I keep having to try so hard.
Why can’t grace itself just be easy?
Why can’t just knowing it’s important, agreeing with myself and God to have it-
Why can’t that be enough?
Why is the doing so hard?
It’s the same concept as so many spiritual journeys.
It’s not just a checklist all at once. Like- I check it off and it’s done. It’s like understanding and exercising the miracle of forgiveness. Sometimes we have to forgive over and over again. Grace is the same way. Sometimes we have to exercise grace for ourselves over and over again even if it’s the same situation. I’m grateful that the Exemplar of Grace does NOT hold back, only allowing me a certain number of times to get it right.
Christ truly is the perfect example. He gives me (and you) as many chances as it takes to get it right. I’m trying to learn to do that for myself.

Because-
I know God just wants me to keep trying. He wants me to keep trusting and keep believing. He knows there’s hope, health, and happiness ahead. He needs me only to believe, put aside fear, and flex my faith.

33 years ago I traded one dream for another. On that very day, 33 years after I married my college sweetheart, I was blessed with a week away with the people I love most. I never could have understood the joy this new dream would lead to. Nor could I understand the depth of the type of “someone” I was capable of becoming as I let God guide my life.
I’m grateful now and then-
I’m grateful I worked with God to let Him calm my troubled heart and flex my faith with a white dress and a new dream.

-JC

Peanut Butter Pie Cookies

1 cup soft butter
1 cup granulated sugar
⅔  cup packed brown sugar
2  eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cream butter and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in egg and vanilla; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 1 Tablespoon more flour for high elevation. Scoop out approximately 16 1.5” balls of dough.  Gently roll.  For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly, and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 12 min. Let cool completely. Pipe peanut butter Cream onto each cookie. Drizzle with melted peanut butter and Peanut Butter Fudge Ganache. 
Refrigerate until serving. 
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Peanut Butter Cream
8 oz. softened cream cheese
¾ cup creamy peanut butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 ½ cups powdered sugar
Dash of salt
16 oz. thawed Cool Whip

Mix cream cheese and peanut butter together until well blended. Stir in vanilla extract. Add powdered sugar and salt and mix on high for 3-5 minutes. Fold in thawed Cool Whip. Spoon into two different gallon sized Ziploc bags. (This will make it easier to handle.) Refrigerate until ready to use.
Drizzle with Peanut butter fudge icing

Peanut Butter Chocolate Fudge ganache
½ cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
¼ cup creamy peanut butter
2 Tablespoons soft butter
2 Tablespoons whole milk
½ teaspoon vanilla.

Melt chocolate chips, butter and peanut butter in microwave for 30 seconds or until mixture can be stirred smooth. Stir in milk and vanilla.