Cookies and Christ
Stories of Faith And Recipes
Acting out the “Hard” I was Feeling…
I was sitting there on the floor… legs crossed, pulled up to my chest wondering to myself what would happen next.
I wasn’t sure how or why I did it… but clearly I was acting out the “hard” I was feeling.
It was 3rd grade Math class. The pattern was typical and had been played out countless times. We were to do our daily worksheet. Gratefully, Math was easy for me. I always quickly finished my work and waited with the rest of my classmates quietly at our desks until our teacher noted all had finished.
She then asked us to get up from our seats and move one seat backward to grade the Math sheet of the person sitting behind us. This was a normal routine for our classroom.
I was somewhat disgruntled with my newly assigned seat in the back corner of the classroom. And yet- I can’t say that I know why I did it. But I do remember having angst toward my teacher… I guess I was done conforming to classroom routine… Literally just “done”… So, sitting in my back row desk, upon the call from our teacher to move back one seat for grading, I did just that…
The remainder of my classmates sitting in the back row all moved to the front row as had been done countless times that school year.
As I “moved back one seat “ and sat on the floor, I heard gasps mixed with giggles. I wasn’t even sure I regretted my decision.
Reflecting on the experience even as an adult – I’m surprised a bit that THIS is my story. I was a fairly compliant child at that age. There was no great tragedy or stress in my life that caused me to act out. I think I was just “done”…
I feel that way in life sometimes.
“Done” Or at least I want to be…
Done with the struggle…
Done with the pain…
Done with the loneliness…
Done with the heartache…
Done with all things hard…
I know as I work harder to control my thoughts and focus on gratitude and my blessings- I am able to work through the “done” feeling and come out on the other side motivated to keep going.
But sometimes- my only prayer- the only words available for me to utter are “I’m having a hard time…” I don’t ask for strength or guidance or courage. I feel too little energy or resolve to utilize those blessings. I just simply feel “done”… As I linger in those prayers…holding back tears as my lips quiver, my throat seems to close and I lack the ability to keep speaking. I know God hears me.
If I stay “there” in prayer- having shared my weak but honest message- I don’t feel ashamed. I know I haven’t disappointed God… I know – He knows… All my pains, imperfections and weaknesses.
In that moment, He doesn’t love me less than when I’m energized and joy-filled in my journey. I simply feel His perfect love for me. If I chose- I can feel enveloped in it and held- right where I am.
In time- perhaps the next morning with a new sunrise providing a new opportunity- I can “get up”…
I can choose faith to…
Keep trying…
Keep believing…
Keep trusting.
I won’t be perfect, but that’s not what God’s asking from me.
My strength is not my own in good times nor hard.
He wants me to remember He is there and that momentary AND everlasting peace is available to me because of the selfless sacrifice of Jesus Christ.
Claiming that peace when I feel “done” is up to me…
-JC
Chocolate- Chocolate Chip Marble Cookies
Make a small batch of Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies:
¼ cup soft butter
¼ cup butter flavored Crisco
½ cup granulated sugar
½ cup packed brown sugar
1 XL egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
6 Tablespoons cocoa. (I use Hershey’s Special Dark)
1 cup + 1 Tablespoon all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
1 cup chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Cream butter, Crisco, and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in egg and vanilla; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 1-2 more Tablespoons of flour for high elevations. Stir in chocolate chips. Scoop out approximately 24 -1” balls of dough. Flatten slightly.
Make a batch of Chocolate Chip Cookies:
½ cup soft butter
½ cup buttered flavored Crisco
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 XL eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 ¾ cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
3 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
Cream butter, Crisco, and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Stir in chocolate chips. Scoop out approximately 24 2-” balls of dough. Flatten slightly.
Create marble effect by stacking a disc of Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookie dough onto disc of Chocolate Chip Cookie dough. Break in half. Stack again. You now have four alternating layers. Flatten slightly. Break in half and stack again to create eight alternating layers. Roll into a ball and flatten slightly. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet.
Bake at 375 degrees for 12-14 min.
Let set. Share!
Cookies and Christ 
Oh my goodness, Jackie!!! You are such an engaging, storytelling writer. I hope that you’re writing books. I can see and feel what you write. Now to taste!
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