I WANTED TO THROW IN THE TOWEL- BUT GOD THREW IT BACK…

I recently came across a Facebook post of a screen with the words:
I TRIED TO THROW IN THE TOWEL-GOD THREW IT BACK AND SAID
“WIPE YOUR FACE.YOU’RE ALMOST THERE.”

I feel like it spoke to me and spoke truths about so many paths in my life that compile my history and road through discipleship. 

Recently, my daughter became a first-time mom.
Watching her leaves me in awe of her strength, resilience, and dedication to her new little family. 
There are times when I offer to let her sleep and I selfishly bask in the ease and joy of being a grandma. It’s not hard. Being a new mom myself was hard. Very hard. 

When my daughter was an infant, I struggled horrifically with postpartum depression. 
I would hold her and rock her during her naps assuming she was too perfect for me as I worried God would take her from me. 
She was certainly a gift that I felt like I didn’t deserve. 
Time, medication, workouts, and healthy eating eased some of my symptoms.

There had been days I begged God for relief and felt abandoned in my pleas. 
My prayers seemed to hang in the empty air they were uttered in. 
The loneliness felt crushing in an absolute void. 
Hope seemed elusive and staggeringly unavailable to claim. 
But glimmers of light began to emerge. 

It was rough and I had to choose-
To lean into faith. 
To work to stifle the fears that held me captive in the hard.

Then I had to choose again. It’s the same choice I get to make today-
To fall into my Savior’s arms as He meets me right where I am.
He agrees to make up the difference in my limited energy. 
He multiplies my efforts giving me strength beyond my own. 

When-
I accept my Savior’s help…
Then- 
I can keep working, keep trying, keep believing, and keep hoping for reprieve and happiness ahead. 

When-
I accept my Savior’s help…
Then-
I can keep trusting and feel heaven cheering me on. 

Years ago as a new mom-
I now understand that some of the angels in heaven cheering for me are the very grand babies that now fill my life with so much love and joy. 
I wasn’t gifted with eyes to see it in my hard- just angels to lift me and Christ to carry me until I could walk again with renewed strength. 

I WANTED TO THROW IN THE TOWEL-
BUT GOD THREW IT BACK…

And gave me the greatest gift-
His son- 
To help me. 

-JC

S’mores Brownies

Graham Crumble:
2 ½ cups graham cracker crumbs
⅔ cup granulated sugar
10 Tablespoons melted butter
¼ teaspoon salt

Mix together all of the ingredients. Reserve ½ cup of the crumble mixture. Press the remainder of the Graham Crumble into the bottom of a greased 9” x 13” baking pan. 

Make a crumble with the remaining mixture by spreading it out loosely onto a greased cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 8 minutes.  Let cool.

Brownie layer:  
Mix together two brownie mixes (approximately 15 oz. each) as directed. Pour batter over graham cracker base. Bake at 350 degrees for 35+ minutes or until done.

Remove from the oven and top with 7 oz. of marshmallow fluff. Broil in the oven until toasted.  Drizzle 2 oz. of melted chocolate bar over the top. Immediately sprinkle with Graham Crumble. Garnish as desired with toasted marshmallows and chocolate pieces.  I toasted marshmallows for the top by spraying a baking sheet with non-stick spray. I placed marshmallows onto the baking sheet and broiled them in the oven until desired toasted-ness. Place onto wet drizzled chocolate so that they “stick” to the top.
Let set.
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