When Our Belief in God Leaves Us Feeling Unheard

He was days late and I wasn’t even mad about it. 
Months prior I stared at my calendar seeing two important events colliding on the paper pages. 
Both held tugs on my heartstrings but seemingly impossible to navigate their timeline. 

A wedding and a baby. Both were scheduled to happen at the same time. 
I made preparations for both. 

My mantra this year is to be “All in”. 
I really wanted to be at my nephew’s wedding. He was choosing to be married forever to his bride and I wanted to support him 100%. 
I also wanted to see my nieces and nephew that I was blessed to come to know better through my time in Washington state a year ago. 
I missed them and wanted to catch up. Additional family I rarely get to see would make the trip and the idea of being reunited made my heart happy. 

And yet-
My daughter was expecting her first baby within the exact timeframe. She was expected to still be in the hospital when I needed to leave for the wedding. 

The truth is- nobody in either scenario needed me…
These were just two ginormous blessings in my life and I wanted to be present and celebrate both of them. 
I even prayed that my daughter would go into labor and have the baby early so I could get her settled before I headed to the wedding. 

My prayers seemed to be lost in the very air in which they were uttered. 

I get it. It wasn’t that big of a deal …yet it seemed so to me.

Frustration was a choice. 
But-
Negativity would help no one and yet be felt by all. 

The night before I left for my two-day trip to the wedding –
I played pickleball with my daughter as she was 9 months and a day pregnant. 
The wedding weekend was absolutely delightful. We returned home and a few days later we met our newest grandson. He was a few days late and I wasn’t mad about it at all. 😉

Was God in these details?

I suppose it depends on what you believe. 
My prayer wasn’t answered in the way I had hoped..
And yet-
Was everything just as it should have been? What if I had chosen grumpiness and frustration because of it?
How many people could have felt burdened by that choice?

It’s available 100% of the time to choose to believe in God or to choose that there is no God. 
What will you choose?
And to what degree will you choose to believe He is in the details of your life?

We went to ice cream with my granddaughter a few months ago. 
I think the shop had over 40 flavors. I read many descriptions and remained undecided as my number was called to step up and place our order. My granddaughter didn’t even hesitate for a moment. 
“I want the pink one!” She said with surety and clarity. 

How often do I remain undecided?
Stuck in uncertainty?
It’s not a happy peaceful feeling-
And yes-
We are still talking about ice cream!!

Or are we…?
Agency is a powerful gift straight from God. 
It’s a gift to be able to choose how much to believe in Him. 
It’s also a choice of what to do and think of when our belief in Him leaves us feeling unheard. 

I’m Grateful for divine wisdom. 
I’m grateful for pink ice cream.
I’m grateful for choices. 
And I’m grateful for a new grandbaby I get to pray for and I’m especially grateful that he chose to show up a few days late.

Mostly I’m grateful for God. I’m grateful I get to talk all of this over with Him. 
I’m grateful for unanswered prayers when His wisdom is greater than mine. And yet grateful for the love I feel from a perfect Heavenly Father. I’m able to simply turn to Him to give my pleas a chance to create a dialogue even when they sometimes seem to linger without place in existence. 

For in the end- 
I still choose God. 
I still choose to believe in Him. 

-JC

Cookie Dough Cakesters

Make a batch of: Chocolate Cake Cookies
2 boxed chocolate cake mixes (approx. 15 oz. each)
1 6oz. package instant chocolate pudding mix
¾ cup oil
1 ½ cups sour cream
4 eggs

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Mix all ingredients together on medium high for 2 minutes. Scoop out 48  -1¼” balls of dough onto cookie sheets lined with parchment paper. Bake at 375 degrees for 14-16 minutes. Remove from the oven and let cool completely. 

Cookie Dough Frosting
6 Tablespoons soft butter
¾ cup packed brown sugar (I prefer dark)
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
1 ½ Tablespoons milk or cream
¾ cup flour (bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes, then cool)
¼ teaspoon salt
¾ cup mini chocolate chips

Cream butter, sugar, vanilla extract and milk with an electric mixer on medium-high for 30 seconds or until well incorporated. Stir in flour and salt. Mix well. Stir in chocolate chips. Divide. Fold cookie dough into the Buttercream Frosting.  

Buttercream Frosting
1 cup soft butter
3 cups powdered sugar
2+ Tablespoons cream
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Dash of salt

Mix butter with powdered sugar and cream until smooth.  Stir in vanilla extract and salt.  Beat on high for 2 minutes.
Pipe Cookie Dough Frosting onto the bottom (flat side) of ½ of the cookies. Top with an additional cookie. Garnish with mini chocolate chips as desired.  
Let set. Share!