Cookies and Christ

“…remember all the way which the Lord thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart…”
Deuteronomy 8:2

We toted a full load of cinnamon rolls in our wagon and headed for the motor homes just beyond our house. 

It was rodeo week and I lived in a rodeo town: Sidney, Iowa – Home of the Championship Rodeo. I’m not sure how the rest of the world felt- but to the residents of our town- we were a big deal…

Rodeo week was the best week of the year! There was a large parade around the town circle and each performance kicked off with a cannon where they sent a toy on a parachute high into the sky. A few of us neighborhood kids would try and track it and chase it down. On the weekend nights, I would lay awake in my bed and listen to the twanging country music as I drifted off to sleep. 

On this particular day- Mom had been preparing her Sweet Rolls. She nicely packaged each foil pan and carefully stacked them in the wagon. We went “door-to-door” to sell them to the rodeo fans who came for the week and camped out in their motorhomes in the large field between our home and the rodeo arena. It was not my favorite “Littlefield Girl” project. But I wanted to benefit from it ($$$$$), so I combed my hair, brushed my teeth, complied with (mostly) clean clothes, and trekked with my sisters to find our buyers. 

Mom thought it would be nice if we sang a primary song we had learned at church to those who purchased from us. I was dramatically completely mortified by the idea. I’m not sure why… I enjoyed primary- and although I clearly possessed the non-singing talents in the family of singers, I still enjoyed learning and singing the primary songs… But those were for church and it was an August morning in my neighborhood…

I was clearly NOT AT CHURCH!

I’m not sure which emotion was stronger- my embarrassment in singing songs of Christ while pulling a wagon full of sweet rolls to be exchanged for cash, or my shame of being embarrassed about singing of Christ. 

It wasn’t the wilderness…It had not been 40 years…but I felt humbled by my circumstances. I knew what was in my heart- absolutely zero courage in sharing my beliefs in Christ through song to complete strangers.  

I complied with the project and barely whispered as my sisters sang out with heart. We eventually emptied the wagon and counted our cash back home.  I couldn’t delight in our progress ($$$$). I knew I needed to rewrite what was in my heart…

It wasn’t easy for me (and still isn’t) to share what I hold dear regarding my thoughts on my relationship with Jesus Christ. Perhaps it’s because I know that many are better scriptorians and better at emulating the ways of Christ.  I reside on the inferior side of both groups.  Surely they are those who are more qualified and interesting to hear from.  

In sharing, I’m striving to better become “all in” with my discipleship of Jesus Christ.

-JC

Brown Butter Sugar Cookies with Brown Butter Icing

1 cup butter, browned and cooled
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 ⅓ cups all-purpose flour
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt

Heat butter in a saucepan on medium low until it foams and turns brown. Remove from heat and let cool. Cream butter and sugars with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until well blended. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla extract; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Scoop out approximately 24 -2” balls of dough. Gently roll and flatten slightly. 
(For a richer flavor and smoother texture refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake.)
Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 10+ minutes. Top with Brown Butter Icing. 
Let set. Share!

Brown Butter Icing

½ cup butter, browned and cooled
¼ cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Dash of salt 
2 ¾ cups powdered sugar

Heat butter in a saucepan on medium low until it foams and turns brown. Remove from heat and let cool. Combine the remaining ingredients and use a food processor or electric mixer to blend thoroughly.

“…Be not afraid, only believe.”
Mark 5:36

I slipped out the back door of the old house where we went to church.

It didn’t have a large parking lot nor a steeple…

It was simply an old house. There were chairs set up in rows, a podium, and bedrooms upstairs set up as classrooms.

It’s the place our family came each Sunday to worship and learn of Christ. We returned mid-week for children’s classes. It was there that I was taught of baptism and confirmation, and given the gift of the Holy Ghost. I understood this gift to be a power to know things, a direct link with God, even the automatic answer to my prayer that I desperately sought that day. 

I received a present following my baptism and confirmation- a pretty necklace. 

As quickly as I received it-
I had lost it. 

A few of my sisters and I had been in the backyard playing and upon returning inside I noticed my necklace was missing. I prayed for help in finding it and returned outside to a large yard of thick long grass. I tried to retrace my steps and steady my gaze hoping the sun would reflect off of the shiny necklace divulging its secret hiding place. I prayed and prayed and prayed as I walked in tiny rows back and forth across the lawn. 

After a while- Mom called me inside. It was time to go home. I somberly went inside and gathered with my sisters, then climbed into the family station wagon. 

I wondered in sadness what I had done wrong. I had prayed for help and thought for sure the Holy Ghost was supposed to tell me where my necklace was. 

It didn’t work. 

I didn’t lose faith or belief in God or the Holy Ghost… But rather I lost a bit of faith in myself- in my ability to feel “it”… to make “it” work right. 

As I look back- that belief system was a stumbling block that would grow bigger as I got older and my problems got tougher. I didn’t realize then that the problem wasn’t me – that God didn’t create me worse than others- incapable of feeling His Spirit, or with an inability to pray the right way. However, I thought the problem WAS me… that I was just plain wrong…

Oh, how I wish I could go walk with that girl in her tiny methodical lines in the backyard of the “church.”

I wish I could take her by the hand and look straight into her bright blue eyes and tell her she’s perfect just the way she is. 

I wish I could tell her that there aren’t always obvious reasons for seemingly unanswered prayers but it doesn’t mean we did it wrong or that prayer doesn’t work. 

I wish I could tell her to take her selfless, faith-filled angel mother by the hand and ask for help…

I would certainly hold her tight and beg her to keep trying, keep trusting, and keep believing. 

Perhaps I was blessed by angelic urging that day to not quit on faith- in all unseen ways. The path forward was bumpy and ugly at times, but over 40 years later-

I understand that fear of failing in God’s ways never truly wins. 

I need “only believe…”

-JC

Pretzel and Fudge Chocolate Sugar Cookies

1 cup soft butter
½  cup vegetable oil
1 ¼ cups granulated sugar
1 ¼ cups powdered sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup cocoa powder
2 ½ cups all-purpose flour
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
4 oz. pretzels, broken or cut into small pieces

Cream butter, oil  and sugars with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until well blended. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla extract; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Scoop out approximately 24+ 2” balls of dough.  Roll slightly and press into broken pretzel pieces. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet.   Bake at 375 degrees for 10+  minutes. 
Let cool slightly. Top with Fudge Frosting. Sprinkle with Sea Salt.
Let set. Share!

Fudge Frosting

3/4 cup whole milk
2 1/4 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 teaspoon vanilla extract  Dash of salt Melt chocolate chips into milk in the microwave. Add vanilla extract and salt; stir until smooth. Let cool until room temperature.

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
John 14:27

The idea in my 5-year-old mind was simple and clear…

The routine in Kindergarten was the same each day. Mrs. Graham would invite us all to the back of the classroom. She would sit in her large wooden rocking chair and we all gathered around her on the floor nearby. The day’s appointed helper would then be asked to go around the corner to retrieve the 3′ tall vinyl inflated “letter of the week”. We would chat about the letter and then be given a worksheet to complete at our desks.

As my name was called I took my worksheet from Mrs. Graham and decided to challenge myself by walking backward the entire way to my seat. The idea was my own. A classmate hadn’t dared me to do it and it was certainly NOT suggested to me by Mrs. Graham. I simply thought it would be fun.

The first few steps went well and my confidence in the quest built. And then before I knew it, I had fallen backward, landing on the floor having stumbled over a classmate who was still seated waiting for his name to be called.

The details of what happened next are foggy…

However, the next day my classmate came to school with a cast on his arm.

Apparently…Mistakes were made…by me…

Unfortunately- it wasn’t my first and far far far from my last… My physical clumsiness mixed with glitches in common sense and kindness seems to result in a bit more than my fair share of global mistakes.

However, What I’ve come to know without fail is that with the Atonement of Jesus Christ as my guiding resource, I can’t make too many to become ineligible to receive grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Peace replaces my commonly troubled regretful heart as I lay hold onto the access to forgiveness and healing made available to me by my Savior, Jesus Christ.

-JC

Biscoff White Chocolate Chunk Cookies

½ cup soft butter
½ cup buttered-flavored Crisco
½ cup Biscoff Cookie Butter
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
½ cup Biscoff cookie crumbs (I pulse 8 whole cookies in food processor)
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 ½ cups white chocolate chunks

Cream butter, Crisco, Cookie Cutter and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla extract; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients with cookie crumbs all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 1+ Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Stir in white chocolate chunks. Scoop out 24  2+” balls of dough. Gently roll and flatten slightly. 
(For a richer flavor and smoother texture refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake.) 
Bake at 375 degrees for 10+ minutes. Drizzle with melted cookie butter as desired.
Let set. Share!

“Be still and know that I am God…” Psalms 46:10

A year ago I sat amongst boxes of my possessions having just moved into a new zip code. I was searching for my heart to feel at home… 

Since then, my journey has been unexpected… Or should I finally admit that I expect things to be unexpected… 

A few months later…

I poorly chose some harsh words, threw my car in reverse, and felt trapped as the gate closed onto my rear window. Adrenaline mixed with incredible anger surged as I found myself on the right side of the railroad tracks but the wrong side of the railroad gate. 

I was running some errands before catching my flight to spend the next few months out of town working on a project that I was super excited about. I neared a stop at a railroad crossing as red lights flashed. The driver behind me was later cited as he failed to pay attention and slammed on his brakes too late sending me into the railroad intersection just a few feet away from the train track. 

Moments later with blaring train horns warning (me) of my encroachment (as if I didn’t know) I was zapped with the most terrifying feeling. 

I was safe, crazy mad, and had immediate pain in my back and neck. 

Just a month before this, the news agencies ran constant reports of a deadly coronavirus. Our world lay seemingly paralyzed – some in fear, some jobless, some literally fighting for breath of life….

Life during a pandemic brought me a huge blessing: quarantining with my adult children. We ate, played cards, ate, went on walks, ate, played pickleball, ate, and watched the Masked Singer together. It was literally a glimpse of Heaven…

Then… it was my turn to experience my world in chaos. 

Some days, my brain still feels like scrambled eggs. Headaches are still daily and my concussion seems to have only mildly improved. 

I have trouble with math, am constantly searching for common words, and my left eye is lazy with its efforts to focus. 

I’m left trying to seek therapies and understanding of what God wants from me…

Perhaps it’s a miracle my car stopped where it did- if permission is granted, I’d like to watch the replay of the incident one day in the next life. 

Nevertheless, in the here and now I’m working to try and let God prevail in my life and in so doing, align my will with His. 2020’s pandemic, resulting fallout nor my car accident caught God by surprise.

Neither resulted in His abandonment either. 

And the resolutions I go into 2021 with are ever deliberate. 

I need only to go where he needs me to go and work to be what He needs me to be. Lately, that’s caused me a bit of reflection…

Like Christ, I want to walk in His ways and do the will of the Father who has preserved me this far…

-JC

Chocolate Cream Topped Chocolate Sugar Cookies (Chilled)

1 cup soft butter
½  cup vegetable oil
1 ¼ cups granulated sugar
1 ¼ cups powdered sugar
2 eggs
1 ½ teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup cocoa powder
2 ½ cups all-purpose flour
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt

Cream butter, oil  and sugars with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla extract; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Scoop out approximately 24+ 2” balls of dough.  Gently roll and flatten slightly. 
(For a richer flavor and smoother texture refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake.) 
Place on parchment paper lined aluminum cookie sheets.  Bake at 375 degrees for 10+  minutes.
Let cool completely.  Pipe chilled Chocolate Cream straight from a Ziploc bag with a 1 inch corner trimmed off. Chill until ready to serve. Garnish as desired.  
Share!

Chocolate Cream
20 oz thawed Cool Whip
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 Tablespoons Hershey’s chocolate syrup
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Dash of salt

Melt the chocolate chips and 6 oz Cool Whip in the microwave. Stir until smooth and shiny. Stir in Hershey’s syrup, vanilla extract and salt. Fold chocolate mixture into remaining thawed Cool Whip. Transfer into two (this will make it easier to handle) freezer strength Ziploc bags and refrigerate until ready to use.

It was the phase of life of backyard ball games, trikes, training wheels ,legos, and matchbox cars.

I was painting around the den window in our small starter home, starring at the empty quiet street just beyond our front yard. The room did not necessarily need to be painted, but I needed to busy myself while I played hooky from where I had committed to be. 

Physically- I was fine…at least mostly…

But mentally and emotionally, I was struggling. 

The phone rang. I looked down at my caller ID. It was Dad. I kept painting instantly deciding I didn’t want to talk to anyone. 

The phone rang again and again. I had it set for five rings because I had a habit of leaving it wherever I wasn’t. Five rings allowed me to sprint through my house to retrieve it with a breathless “Hello” before the answering machine picked it up. 

Hearing the fourth ring, I stared at the phone. I knew Dad would leave a message. I knew I could call him back when I felt “better”…

When I was in high school, Dad would set up a Daddy-Daughter interview once a month. We could talk anything over- my seemingly unfair chore list, my troubles with my English teacher who clearly didn’t like me, Mom making tuna fish sandwiches for lunch, and my dramatic distaste for them- literally anything…

I always felt “heard”. 

Dad was awesome… but not all-powerful. He couldn’t take away my problems…

However, talking them over seemed to give them perspective. Maybe there aren’t mortal words to explain it…

It felt like a conversation I would have with my Heavenly Father in prayer.  

In talking it over- I felt better. Even about the topics or concerns that I didn’t feel comfortable giving voice to. 

The fifth rang echoed out and I held my breath knowing the machine would pick up the call. The voice recording began and I interrupted it with a weak, nearly silent “…hello..”

Tears immediately filled my eyes and a huge lump filled my throat. I couldn’t speak. 

Dad was just checking in. My silence gave way to a guilty admittance. 

“How was church?” Dad asked. 

“I didn’t go…” I whispered. “Whit took the boys…”

“What’s wrong?” Dad asked. 

“Everything….” was my overwhelming silent thought.

“I don’t know…” was my weak muffled response as tears flooded down my cheeks…

I retreated to my bathroom to grab some tissues and caught a glimpse of my red puffy tear-stained face. I wasn’t happy with who or what I saw in my reflection as I awaited Dad’s advice. 

Although out of character, I feared Dad would tell me the same things I had been maliciously screaming to myself:
to toughen up- to focus less on myself and more on serving others. I felt like I deserved to be told that I wasn’t going to ever feel better if I turned my back on God and failed to keep the commitments I made with Him. 

Instead, Dad told me that he loved me. He then asked me if I thought I would need to stay home the next week too. 

I weakly uttered… “Probably…”

He said, “Do what you need to do- just tell your Heavenly Father about it…” 

I didn’t really want to pray. I felt God was likely disappointed in me.

The next morning with renewed strength that literally seems to come with the rising sun, I prayed and simply told God I was having a hard time. 

Nothing else… no gratitude for the blessings I did have, no plea for help… 

…Just a statement of fact…

I stayed on my knees for a moment searching for what to say next. No words came- but God’s perfect love flowed generously.  

It turns out I had not wandered too far from the reach of my Father in Heaven or the atoning perfect sacrifice of His Son, my Brother, Jesus Christ. 

It turns out I had not disappointed God. He knew my struggle perfectly. He patiently waited for me to come to Him. 

With outstretched arms only seen with my spiritual eyes – I fell into them. I felt strength, forgiveness, peace, and resolve…

In time, with a bit of nervous faith in tow, I sat in the back of the chapel at church. Sitting with my sweet family- I re-committed to God to try a little harder to be a little better…I felt it was all I could promise and yet with God’s grace, I felt it was enough.

Sometimes I feel disappointed in myself. I say things, do things, or fail to do things leaving me with an emptiness inside. 

The adversary loves discouragement and would have me believe God is equally disappointed.

However, I know this to be impossible. He is perfect. His love is perfect. His perfection has no place for disappointment. That is a tool of the adversary and one we plague each other with. It does not come from God. 

Today I’m choosing God’s perfect love and grace to motivate me to try a little harder to study His word, walk in His ways, and love as He does…Extending a loving patient hand-especially towards the imperfect yet well-intended girl who stares back at me in the mirror.  She needed then and continues to need today- my patience, kindness, and true Christlike love.

-JC

Biscoff Sugar Cookies Frosted with Biscoff CookieButter Buttercream

Biscoff Cookies

1 cup soft butter
1⁄2 cup Biscoff Cookie Butter
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 XL eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup Biscoff cookie crumbs ( I pulse 8 whole cookies in food processor)
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Cream butters and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 1 Tablespoon more flour for high elevation. Scoop out 24 2+” balls of dough. Gently roll. Flatten slightly. For a smoother texture and deeper flavor, freeze until ready to use.
Bake at 375 degrees for 10+ minutes. Let cool. Frost with Biscoff Buttercream Frosting. Drizzle with Biscoff Cookie Butter gently heated as desired. Garnish with Biscoff Cookie piece. Let set. Share!

Biscoff Buttercream Frosting

3/4 cup soft butter
3/4 cup Biscoff Cookie Butter
2 1/2 + cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
Dash of salt
3-4 Tablespoons milk

Cream butter and cookie butter on medium speed for 1 minute.
Stir in powdered sugar. Add vanilla salt, and milk. Whip for 5 minutes.
Spoon into Ziploc bag until ready to use.

I rode in the back of a farm pickup truck with the cool field breezes blowing my bangs back. It was minutes before dawn. Nearly every summer morning as a young teenager began this same way. I would close my eyes and take in the ride knowing the hard work ahead of me was just minutes away. 

As the pickup slowed to a stop I tried to fill myself with encouraging thoughts. The work was often tough- but the pay was adequate given my age and my undersized frame. I’d try and jump from the back of the truck with a tough facade, grab my bean hook, and await instruction from the field supervisor as to my specific assignment of rows, usually between two older and stronger guys. The bean hook was long and skinny with a hook on one end matched with a sharpened blade. The task was simple…

Walk down the center of a row of soybeans. My responsibility was to eliminate the weeds on the four rows of beans nearest to me. I’d hop back and forth between the rows as I spotted milkweed, ragweed, and my nemesis: pigweed. I’d choke up on my hoe and slice the weed at its base and quickly move forward returning to the center row making sure I was eyeing the outer rows all while keeping the same pace as the team lead. Early in the summer, the task was simple as the beans and the weeds were small. 

As summer grew long and the soybean plants matured, hurdling over them with my short scrawny legs became more difficult and the pigweed stalks became thick and nearly unconquerable. 

I hated struggling and seeing out of the corner of my eye someone older and bigger come to aid me in my struggle. It felt defeating.

I rarely felt successful or even adequate working in the bean fields each summer. I would often think- “If I was only bigger or stronger – this would be easy. If only my legs were longer I could more easily hurdle over the rows. If only my hands were larger to better control the bean hook. If only I had more strength once a thick pigweed was hooked to be able to slice it cleanly at the base and quickly retreat back to the center row keeping pace…”

“If only I was more…”

“If only I had more…”

“If only I could do more…”

What plaguing, demoralizing, destructive thoughts created in my imperfect mind and exaggerated by the adversary at times throughout my life to keep me from progressing and trusting more fully in my Heavenly Father’s love and the enabling power available to me simply because my Savior was willing to atone for any injustice or mistake. 

I am exactly where I am on any given day based on who I think I am or who I can be. 

I’ve just completed my 50th rotation around the sun. 

I didn’t wake up any different than I was the day before…

Who I am and what I become is up to me. The “if only’s” paralyze my ability to be what God needs me to be and show up as the truest most authentic version of myself. 

Life can be tough- after all – it’s a test…. of faith, fragility, and fortitude…

There are “pigweeds”- or likened versions thereof in my past and in most definitely my future. 

My “bean hook” is just one tool available to aid me in my journey. I am blessed with people who are there to assist me. I can often see them approach from the corner of my eye. Some- I only feel with my spiritual eyes. They are there to help. They don’t represent my weaknesses but rather the perfect love of God. Some days I am even blessed to be called on to help another…

I went for an evening drive the other day with my windows rolled down. As the cool breezes blew back my bangs, I was filled with hope as I made some goals for my immediate future. 

I choose to be filled with gratitude for the journey and strength to fight off compromising thoughts of “if only…” Because I know my story can read whatever I write on the blank pages of my future. 

I’m grabbing my notebook and my pen and choosing faith…

I will choose to more quickly shed debilitating thoughts and insecurities. 

I will choose to be more fully grateful for the strength and grit I do have. 

I will choose to exercise more patience with myself and my weaknesses. 

I will choose to work to eliminate the “If only’s …” and spend time trying to see myself as my Father in Heaven sees me. 

I will most definitely choose to understand my mortal strength alone will never be enough. However, infinite strength is mine to claim as a blessing for choosing Christ and the opportunities made available the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Then, with greater confidence, I expect to be numbered amongst the faithful followers of Christ. Imperfect in my steps- but stalwart in my commitment. 

Here’s to the next 50 rotations around the sun!-

-JC

Strawberries and Cream Sugar Cookies

Strawberry Sugar Cookies

1.2 ounces of freeze dried strawberries crushed to a powder (I use a food processor)
1 cup soft butter
4 oz. cream cheese
2 cups granulated sugar
2 XL eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons strawberry extract
1-2 drops red gel food coloring (optional)
3 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Blend strawberry powder and butter together.  Let sit for several hours. (This will deepen the strawberry flavor). Cream strawberry-butter mixture, cream cheese, and sugar with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs, strawberry extract; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Scoop out approximately 24+ 2” balls of dough. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 10+ min. Let Cool. Drizzle with Cream Glaze. Let set. Share!

Cream Glaze

1/4 cup half and half
2 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon clear vanilla
Dash of salt

Mix all the ingredients at once in a food processor.  Store in a freezer strength Ziploc until ready to use.  Clip the corner of the Ziploc and drizzle as desired.

I fell into my king size bed- alone and exhausted…
It was nearly twenty years ago that I was mid-way through a two-week journey parenting alone. These trips were common. My husband was gone on travel training foreign entities to secure their nuclear materials. His work was crucial. He was very good and well respected in his realm of managing international projects involving the non-proliferation of nuclear materials. 

But that night I crashed into my bed, grasping for energy to pray beyond wishing I wasn’t alone trying to ensure that our three children were happy, cared for, and taught in the ways that God would have me. Nevertheless, sleep came quickly as my head hit the pillow. 

Uncertain of the time, I awakened to unusual sounds in our small home. We had lived there for years. I loved our neighborhood and neighbors. They were friendly and we looked out for one another. It was a safe and happy place to raise a family.  
However, the sounds that night were unfamiliar and unsettling. I rationalized to myself it was just the wind… I drug myself out of bed and walked through the house…Everything seemed fine.
I returned to bed and prayed for peace and a quick return to sleep knowing my sweet army of three kids would need me well rested to help them battle the next day. 

Strange sounds persisted. My heart raced. My imagination followed. There was no peace nor sleep to be found for me in my home that night.  My options for a midnight call took an obvious choice. My brother-in-law lived two blocks away. He’s one of the greatest guys you’d ever meet. Truly a friend to all and without hesitation told me he would come right over when I made the call telling him of strange sounds, stress, and lost sleep. He surveyed the entire property, looked in every closet and under every bed – even those holding soundly sleeping children. There was no indication of anything amiss. He left with my incredible appreciation and borderline embarrassment that I had him up in the middle of the night hunting imaginary shadows in the dark. 

Why didn’t God just help me fall back asleep with His own peaceful assurance that all was well? “What was I supposed to learn?” I wondered as I quickly drifted back to sleep.

I think I needed to be reminded that we don’t journey this earth life alone. God deliberately puts people in our path. We take turns helping each other out- serving with charitable unwavering nonjudgmental Christlike love. We are reminded that the light of Christ is in each of us and that we are simply asked to lift where we stand. 

Today, momentarily exhausted from the frustration of redefining “normal” in a place and time that will be recorded in future History books, I plea to God asking Him what He would have me do. The thoughts come quickly. The steps seem small and insignificant.
And yet in faith, I want to be deliberate with each one…
Trusting in purpose…
My purpose…
Christ’s purpose…
My purpose in Christ’s work…

-JC

Chocolate Dipped Marshmallow Krispy Cookies

4 Tablespoons butter
10.5 oz. mini marshmallows
½ teaspoon salt
7 oz. marshmallow fluff
7 cups crisped rice cereal (Rice Krispies)

Melt butter and mini marshmallows mixed with salt in a large bowl in the microwave. (Approximately 1 minute.) Stir in the marshmallow fluff until smooth. Stir in rice cereal. Scoop out 24 mounds of marshmallow-cereal mixture onto a greased parchment sheet. Spray non-stick cooking spray on your hands.  Roll each mound into a ball and flatten to about 1+ inch thick. Chill for 20-30 minutes. Melt 8 oz. milk chocolate Hershey bars in a bowl in the microwave. Dip each cookie into chocolate and return to the parchment sheet. Drizzle the top of each cookie with remaining melted chocolate. Return to the refrigerator until set. Share!

I have an inch-long scar on my chin…
With each rise and fall, I was desperately trying to hold on with all my might. I was determined to not let go despite feeling like a helpless ragdoll flailing without strength.
I told myself to keep trying, keep enduring…
However, I was outmatched by size, strength, and experience. 
On what proved to be my final attempt, I lost my grip and bounced- hard and fast on the seat and then to the concrete playground. 

I was 5…
It was one of my first opportunities for recess as a Kindergartner and I accepted an invitation from a fellow classmate to teeter-totter with her. 
Little did I know, the seemingly harmless mount onto the metal limb would land me in the emergency room.
I laid on a hard metal table- alone. A smelly washcloth was placed over my face. The last thing I remember was someone saying “Jackie… just close your eyes…”

I must’ve quit fighting sleep as the next thing I remember was the feeling of a bulky bandage on my chin and Mom trying to explain to me what stitches were and how I wouldn’t be able to get them wet for two weeks. 
A few days later, I weakly smiled on class picture day wearing my black and white jumper with my hair brushed nicely and pulled up in a partial ponytail with a thin red ribbon and a flesh-colored bandaid on my chin- forever documenting my weakness- my inability to hold on…

I wanted to be an unconquerable spirit. I always wanted to be stronger, faster, smarter, and just plain better… I feel like those feelings have plagued me and motivated me my entire life. 
I’ve wasted energy and efforts in life trying to climb life’s mountains on my own.
I’ve stressed about circumstances out of my control. 
I’ve spent time being angry and slow to forgive. I’ve wavered in faith with God’s will and His timeline for me.
I’ve cried – mourning the heartaches felt by myself and loved ones.
I’ve felt like anything and everything EXCEPT an unconquerable spirit. 

And now- nearly 50 years into my life’s journey- I think I’ve figured out just how to conquer anything. 
I realize I am nothing…
…Without my Savior, Jesus Christ. 

I have no determination, toughness nor desire to persist. 
However- In and through Him I find strength and energy to conquer fears, weaknesses, and temptations to quit…
Without Him…
I 
Am
Nothing…

A true unconquerable spirit doesn’t quit-
She knows with certainty her grip will falter. 
She will fall.
And yet-
She keeps trusting, keeps believing, and keeps fighting with Christ as her source of power, faith, and unwavering strength. 

On my own, I can’t hold on…
Being strengthened In and through Christ and the enabling power available through His Atonement, I WILL hold on…becoming unconquerable through Him…

-JC

Coconut Cream Frosted Chocolate Sugar Cookies

1 cup soft butter
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
1 1/4 cups powdered sugar
2 XL eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup cocoa (I use Hershey’s dark)
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Cream butter, oil  and sugars with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until well blended. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Scoop out approximately 24+ 2” balls of dough.  For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet.  

Bake at 350 degrees for 12+  min. Cool. Frost with Coconut Cream Frosting. Top generously with sweetened flaked coconut.  Let set. Share!

Coconut Cream Frosting

8 oz. softened cream cheese
1/4 cup soft butter
1/4 cup cream of coconut (Coco Re’al brand works great)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon coconut extract
2 cups powdered sugar

Mix cream cheese, butter and cream of coconut until smooth. Add vanilla, coconut extract, and powdered sugar. Mix until fluffy. Spoon into a freezer strength Ziploc until ready to use.

I set out headed down the street with my wagon filled – 
Pulling a mobile feast I would never partake of.

Our wagon was well used- it was scuffed and dented- each mark representing moments of work or play. In the spring, we would haul garden equipment and supplies across town to our large pumpkin field and then haul the harvest to the town square in October to sell. In August, when the Championship Rodeo came to our small town, the empty lot behind our house filled with motor homes and we would go door to door selling cinnamon rolls from the back of our wagon. And when mom wasn’t looking- it was primarily used to go sailing down the driveway with as many of my sisters or neighbors who were willing to take the wild ride.

This particular day- it was filled with Girl Scout Cookies. 
I was only a member of the Girl Scouts of America for one year. I was a Brownie. I loved the sense of belonging and duty I felt as I spent time with my troop. We gathered for meetings and activities, but as I recall, our primary purpose was to sell Girl Scout Cookies.  At the conclusion of each of our gatherings, we would sit on the floor in a circle and sing “our song.”
“Make new friends-
But keep the old-
One is silver-
And the other’s gold.”
We would sing it all together and divide up and sing it in a round many times until it was time to grab our jackets and head home. 

The message confused me. What did it mean that one was silver and the other gold?
My mom explained to me that they are both great treasures- just of varying degrees. 

Over the years, I’ve contemplated the message as it pertains to things in my life.  Lately, the message has been circling back around in regards to what I’ve learned about myself in a pandemic and what kinds of goals I’ll set moving forward.  There are elements from my pre-pandemic life that I miss- proximity and relationships with friends and associates hit the top of my list.  But I’ve also gained great delight in having my grown family “stuck” at home. 
I certainly haven’t navigated this past month perfectly. There have been highs and lows.
I’ve disappointed and impressed myself – sometimes within moments of each other. 
I’ve noticed the air is less polluted- the sky seems bluer. I’ve enjoyed long walks breathing in the smell of orange blossoms. 
I’ve also wished a few days away- longing for my old routines and tasks. 
Above all- I’ve delighted in having an at-home church service with my family each week. It’s been nearly ten years since we’ve gone to church together. And now, it’s even better having two daughters-in-law join us.
I feel spiritually connected to Christ in a way that I have no words to convey. As I scan my living room- I’m eternally grateful that they are mine to claim forever.
Christ’s life work ensures we have the opportunity to be united as a family beyond the veil of death. 

As the next few months pass, and life presents an opportunity to return to what it once was.  It gives me pause…
What do I want to keep from who I was pre-pandemic?
What do I want to change?

Certainly, it resembles the song from my days as a Brownie.  I’ll keep working to enjoy the everyday journey- and try to remember the eternal perspective I’ve been blessed to peek into. Primarily- that these incredible individuals that I get to claim as family are mine forever. 

Do my actions each day remain consistent with that primary belief and desired blessing? Truly some pre-pandemic habits and appreciations are silver.  Gratefully, I’ve learned some new visions and perspectives – they are gold!

It’s just like Mom said- both are great treasures- just of varying degrees.

-JC

Chip and Oat Cookies

½ cup soft butter
½ cup butter flavored Crisco
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 XL eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups quick oats
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1+ cup butterscotch chips (or peanut butter, vanilla, milk chocolate, etc.)
1+cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Cream butter, Crisco, and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Stir in chips. Scoop out approximately 24 2” balls of dough.  Gently roll. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly, and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. When ready to bake, place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet.  
Bake at 375 degrees for 12-14 min.
Share!

The new PE teacher at my junior high school had been slow to win me over… until one day…

Our class arrived at PE class in the school’s multi-purpose room. That morning it served as our gymnasium for PE and a few short hours later it would be filled with moveable cafeteria tables and benches for the lunch service.  I wanted to love PE. I was glad to be out of the classroom for a break, but my undersized frame and underdeveloped athleticism made it difficult to “succeed”.

Our teacher had a raspy voice. He always spoke loudly and assertively. He didn’t joke around and there was certainly no room for messing around in his class. It was a mixture of my fear and intrigue towards his genuineness that allowed him to earn my initial trust. 

Coach (that’s what we called our teacher) announced the game that day: “pinball” (essentially dodgeball with an added element of guarding a bowling pin on each side). It was absolutely my least favorite PE game… He then instructed the method for acquiring two “even” teams. He named the two most athletic boys the captains and allowed them to pick their teams- one kid at a time. I felt my whole being turn red and my underdeveloped sweat glands seemed to finally begin to show up… Most of the boys in the class got picked first- then the athletic girls. My heart raced. Fewer and fewer classmates stood on the grayish line made with white athletic tape that was dingy and peeling in its makeshift attempt to be a boundary line.  I kept my eyes down the whole time. There were long pauses between picks with audible sighs of defeat from the captains as the minutes wore on and few classmates remained. There was one other girl and me as the last two. I held my breath as the captain called out a name…

It wasn’t mine…

Then Coach said “let’s go” as he blew his whistle.  He pointed for me to join the team of the kid who never even called my name.

In this moment, I hated Coach for what “he” did to me.  As I slowly and sluggishly walked over to my newly formed team’s side to join the strategic huddle, Coach stopped me.  My eyes stayed on the floor until the awkwardness of the silent moment forced me to look up. He simply said… “You know- you can prove them wrong…”

Nearly 40 years later, I see how so much of life can mirror junior high PE class…

Sometimes I feel overworked and overlooked.  Some days I feel like no one is calling my name to do anything important that’s not undone by someone else. And I just simply want to feel connected, of worth, a sense of being needed or that I belong. 

It’s where I search for acceptance that will determine which team I end up on and whether I claim victory. Victory begins with thought work to prove my own self-doubts wrong. It’s about rising up against the very destructive demon I’ve created in my mind fostering potentially catastrophic negativity. 

Chaos clouds clarity. 

If I allow my mind or immediate world to be littered with chaotic thinking that doesn’t serve me well, I’m paralyzed towards progression.  Clarity comes as I centralize my thoughts and the ensuing actions towards eternal truths. 

What if I chose the Savior’s team? There have been times where I could have confidently stood on a makeshift line and rose up with confidence as He called on me to help Him. The call to hear Him and ensuing course seemed precisely clear. 

What’s happening today?

Are my eyes looking down -worried He won’t call my name? Or have I assumed He won’t want me on His team…

Nearly 40 years ago as I sheepishly joined a team that I knew I had nothing to contribute to, I wondered about Coach’s words… “Prove them wrong…” I wanted to do just that. Grit, fierceness, and fearlessness all built confidence in my worth. 

What about today?

Is Christ calling on me? Is He calling my name? What is it specifically He needs me to show up for today with courage and confidence?

Am I ready?- The truth is- it doesn’t matter if I’ve been lazy, disconnected or distracted… My Savior still calls my name to step up and allows me to stand beside Him. He invites me to be His teammate and recognizes my worth and abilities far more clearly than I ever will. 

It begins with choosing to hear Him call my name. Whether I step up fearlessly with grit and determination choosing to hold onto hope is up to me. 

Peanut Butter Frosted Chocolate Sugar Cookies

Chocolate Sugar Cookies
1 cup soft butter
½  cup vegetable oil
1 ¼ cups granulated sugar
1 ¼ cups powdered sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup cocoa 
2 ½ cups all-purpose flour
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Cream butter, oil  and sugars with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until well blended. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Scoop out approximately 24+ 2” balls of dough.  For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet.   Bake at 350 degrees for 12+  min. Cool. Frost with Peanut Butter Frosting. Garnish as desired. Let set. Share!

Peanut Butter Frosting
¾ cup soft butter
¾ cup creamy peanut butter
2 ¼ cups powdered  sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
Dash of salt
3-4 Tablespoons milk

Cream butter and peanut butter on medium speed for 1 minute. Stir in powdered sugar. Add vanilla salt, and milk. Whip for 5 minutes. Spoon into Ziploc bag until ready to use.