Cookies and Christ

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
John 14:27

The idea in my 5-year-old mind was simple and clear…

The routine in Kindergarten was the same each day. Mrs. Graham would invite us all to the back of the classroom. She would sit in her large wooden rocking chair and we all gathered around her on the floor nearby. The day’s appointed helper would then be asked to go around the corner to retrieve the 3′ tall vinyl inflated “letter of the week”. We would chat about the letter and then be given a worksheet to complete at our desks.

As my name was called I took my worksheet from Mrs. Graham and decided to challenge myself by walking backward the entire way to my seat. The idea was my own. A classmate hadn’t dared me to do it and it was certainly NOT suggested to me by Mrs. Graham. I simply thought it would be fun.

The first few steps went well and my confidence in the quest built. And then before I knew it, I had fallen backward, landing on the floor having stumbled over a classmate who was still seated waiting for his name to be called.

The details of what happened next are foggy…

However, the next day my classmate came to school with a cast on his arm.

Apparently…Mistakes were made…by me…

Unfortunately- it wasn’t my first and far far far from my last… My physical clumsiness mixed with glitches in common sense and kindness seems to result in a bit more than my fair share of global mistakes.

However, What I’ve come to know without fail is that with the Atonement of Jesus Christ as my guiding resource, I can’t make too many to become ineligible to receive grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Peace replaces my commonly troubled regretful heart as I lay hold onto the access to forgiveness and healing made available to me by my Savior, Jesus Christ.

-JC

Biscoff White Chocolate Chunk Cookies

½ cup soft butter
½ cup buttered-flavored Crisco
½ cup Biscoff Cookie Butter
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
½ cup Biscoff cookie crumbs (I pulse 8 whole cookies in food processor)
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 ½ cups white chocolate chunks

Cream butter, Crisco, Cookie Cutter and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla extract; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients with cookie crumbs all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 1+ Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Stir in white chocolate chunks. Scoop out 24  2+” balls of dough. Gently roll and flatten slightly. 
(For a richer flavor and smoother texture refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake.) 
Bake at 375 degrees for 10+ minutes. Drizzle with melted cookie butter as desired.
Let set. Share!

“Be still and know that I am God…” Psalms 46:10

A year ago I sat amongst boxes of my possessions having just moved into a new zip code. I was searching for my heart to feel at home… 

Since then, my journey has been unexpected… Or should I finally admit that I expect things to be unexpected… 

A few months later…

I poorly chose some harsh words, threw my car in reverse, and felt trapped as the gate closed onto my rear window. Adrenaline mixed with incredible anger surged as I found myself on the right side of the railroad tracks but the wrong side of the railroad gate. 

I was running some errands before catching my flight to spend the next few months out of town working on a project that I was super excited about. I neared a stop at a railroad crossing as red lights flashed. The driver behind me was later cited as he failed to pay attention and slammed on his brakes too late sending me into the railroad intersection just a few feet away from the train track. 

Moments later with blaring train horns warning (me) of my encroachment (as if I didn’t know) I was zapped with the most terrifying feeling. 

I was safe, crazy mad, and had immediate pain in my back and neck. 

Just a month before this, the news agencies ran constant reports of a deadly coronavirus. Our world lay seemingly paralyzed – some in fear, some jobless, some literally fighting for breath of life….

Life during a pandemic brought me a huge blessing: quarantining with my adult children. We ate, played cards, ate, went on walks, ate, played pickleball, ate, and watched the Masked Singer together. It was literally a glimpse of Heaven…

Then… it was my turn to experience my world in chaos. 

Some days, my brain still feels like scrambled eggs. Headaches are still daily and my concussion seems to have only mildly improved. 

I have trouble with math, am constantly searching for common words, and my left eye is lazy with its efforts to focus. 

I’m left trying to seek therapies and understanding of what God wants from me…

Perhaps it’s a miracle my car stopped where it did- if permission is granted, I’d like to watch the replay of the incident one day in the next life. 

Nevertheless, in the here and now I’m working to try and let God prevail in my life and in so doing, align my will with His. 2020’s pandemic, resulting fallout nor my car accident caught God by surprise.

Neither resulted in His abandonment either. 

And the resolutions I go into 2021 with are ever deliberate. 

I need only to go where he needs me to go and work to be what He needs me to be. Lately, that’s caused me a bit of reflection…

Like Christ, I want to walk in His ways and do the will of the Father who has preserved me this far…

-JC

Chocolate Cream Topped Chocolate Sugar Cookies (Chilled)

1 cup soft butter
½  cup vegetable oil
1 ¼ cups granulated sugar
1 ¼ cups powdered sugar
2 eggs
1 ½ teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup cocoa powder
2 ½ cups all-purpose flour
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt

Cream butter, oil  and sugars with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla extract; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Scoop out approximately 24+ 2” balls of dough.  Gently roll and flatten slightly. 
(For a richer flavor and smoother texture refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake.) 
Place on parchment paper lined aluminum cookie sheets.  Bake at 375 degrees for 10+  minutes.
Let cool completely.  Pipe chilled Chocolate Cream straight from a Ziploc bag with a 1 inch corner trimmed off. Chill until ready to serve. Garnish as desired.  
Share!

Chocolate Cream
20 oz thawed Cool Whip
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 Tablespoons Hershey’s chocolate syrup
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Dash of salt

Melt the chocolate chips and 6 oz Cool Whip in the microwave. Stir until smooth and shiny. Stir in Hershey’s syrup, vanilla extract and salt. Fold chocolate mixture into remaining thawed Cool Whip. Transfer into two (this will make it easier to handle) freezer strength Ziploc bags and refrigerate until ready to use.

It was the phase of life of backyard ball games, trikes, training wheels ,legos, and matchbox cars.

I was painting around the den window in our small starter home, starring at the empty quiet street just beyond our front yard. The room did not necessarily need to be painted, but I needed to busy myself while I played hooky from where I had committed to be. 

Physically- I was fine…at least mostly…

But mentally and emotionally, I was struggling. 

The phone rang. I looked down at my caller ID. It was Dad. I kept painting instantly deciding I didn’t want to talk to anyone. 

The phone rang again and again. I had it set for five rings because I had a habit of leaving it wherever I wasn’t. Five rings allowed me to sprint through my house to retrieve it with a breathless “Hello” before the answering machine picked it up. 

Hearing the fourth ring, I stared at the phone. I knew Dad would leave a message. I knew I could call him back when I felt “better”…

When I was in high school, Dad would set up a Daddy-Daughter interview once a month. We could talk anything over- my seemingly unfair chore list, my troubles with my English teacher who clearly didn’t like me, Mom making tuna fish sandwiches for lunch, and my dramatic distaste for them- literally anything…

I always felt “heard”. 

Dad was awesome… but not all-powerful. He couldn’t take away my problems…

However, talking them over seemed to give them perspective. Maybe there aren’t mortal words to explain it…

It felt like a conversation I would have with my Heavenly Father in prayer.  

In talking it over- I felt better. Even about the topics or concerns that I didn’t feel comfortable giving voice to. 

The fifth rang echoed out and I held my breath knowing the machine would pick up the call. The voice recording began and I interrupted it with a weak, nearly silent “…hello..”

Tears immediately filled my eyes and a huge lump filled my throat. I couldn’t speak. 

Dad was just checking in. My silence gave way to a guilty admittance. 

“How was church?” Dad asked. 

“I didn’t go…” I whispered. “Whit took the boys…”

“What’s wrong?” Dad asked. 

“Everything….” was my overwhelming silent thought.

“I don’t know…” was my weak muffled response as tears flooded down my cheeks…

I retreated to my bathroom to grab some tissues and caught a glimpse of my red puffy tear-stained face. I wasn’t happy with who or what I saw in my reflection as I awaited Dad’s advice. 

Although out of character, I feared Dad would tell me the same things I had been maliciously screaming to myself:
to toughen up- to focus less on myself and more on serving others. I felt like I deserved to be told that I wasn’t going to ever feel better if I turned my back on God and failed to keep the commitments I made with Him. 

Instead, Dad told me that he loved me. He then asked me if I thought I would need to stay home the next week too. 

I weakly uttered… “Probably…”

He said, “Do what you need to do- just tell your Heavenly Father about it…” 

I didn’t really want to pray. I felt God was likely disappointed in me.

The next morning with renewed strength that literally seems to come with the rising sun, I prayed and simply told God I was having a hard time. 

Nothing else… no gratitude for the blessings I did have, no plea for help… 

…Just a statement of fact…

I stayed on my knees for a moment searching for what to say next. No words came- but God’s perfect love flowed generously.  

It turns out I had not wandered too far from the reach of my Father in Heaven or the atoning perfect sacrifice of His Son, my Brother, Jesus Christ. 

It turns out I had not disappointed God. He knew my struggle perfectly. He patiently waited for me to come to Him. 

With outstretched arms only seen with my spiritual eyes – I fell into them. I felt strength, forgiveness, peace, and resolve…

In time, with a bit of nervous faith in tow, I sat in the back of the chapel at church. Sitting with my sweet family- I re-committed to God to try a little harder to be a little better…I felt it was all I could promise and yet with God’s grace, I felt it was enough.

Sometimes I feel disappointed in myself. I say things, do things, or fail to do things leaving me with an emptiness inside. 

The adversary loves discouragement and would have me believe God is equally disappointed.

However, I know this to be impossible. He is perfect. His love is perfect. His perfection has no place for disappointment. That is a tool of the adversary and one we plague each other with. It does not come from God. 

Today I’m choosing God’s perfect love and grace to motivate me to try a little harder to study His word, walk in His ways, and love as He does…Extending a loving patient hand-especially towards the imperfect yet well-intended girl who stares back at me in the mirror.  She needed then and continues to need today- my patience, kindness, and true Christlike love.

-JC

Biscoff Sugar Cookies Frosted with Biscoff CookieButter Buttercream

Biscoff Cookies

1 cup soft butter
1⁄2 cup Biscoff Cookie Butter
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 XL eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup Biscoff cookie crumbs ( I pulse 8 whole cookies in food processor)
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Cream butters and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 1 Tablespoon more flour for high elevation. Scoop out 24 2+” balls of dough. Gently roll. Flatten slightly. For a smoother texture and deeper flavor, freeze until ready to use.
Bake at 375 degrees for 10+ minutes. Let cool. Frost with Biscoff Buttercream Frosting. Drizzle with Biscoff Cookie Butter gently heated as desired. Garnish with Biscoff Cookie piece. Let set. Share!

Biscoff Buttercream Frosting

3/4 cup soft butter
3/4 cup Biscoff Cookie Butter
2 1/2 + cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
Dash of salt
3-4 Tablespoons milk

Cream butter and cookie butter on medium speed for 1 minute.
Stir in powdered sugar. Add vanilla salt, and milk. Whip for 5 minutes.
Spoon into Ziploc bag until ready to use.

I rode in the back of a farm pickup truck with the cool field breezes blowing my bangs back. It was minutes before dawn. Nearly every summer morning as a young teenager began this same way. I would close my eyes and take in the ride knowing the hard work ahead of me was just minutes away. 

As the pickup slowed to a stop I tried to fill myself with encouraging thoughts. The work was often tough- but the pay was adequate given my age and my undersized frame. I’d try and jump from the back of the truck with a tough facade, grab my bean hook, and await instruction from the field supervisor as to my specific assignment of rows, usually between two older and stronger guys. The bean hook was long and skinny with a hook on one end matched with a sharpened blade. The task was simple…

Walk down the center of a row of soybeans. My responsibility was to eliminate the weeds on the four rows of beans nearest to me. I’d hop back and forth between the rows as I spotted milkweed, ragweed, and my nemesis: pigweed. I’d choke up on my hoe and slice the weed at its base and quickly move forward returning to the center row making sure I was eyeing the outer rows all while keeping the same pace as the team lead. Early in the summer, the task was simple as the beans and the weeds were small. 

As summer grew long and the soybean plants matured, hurdling over them with my short scrawny legs became more difficult and the pigweed stalks became thick and nearly unconquerable. 

I hated struggling and seeing out of the corner of my eye someone older and bigger come to aid me in my struggle. It felt defeating.

I rarely felt successful or even adequate working in the bean fields each summer. I would often think- “If I was only bigger or stronger – this would be easy. If only my legs were longer I could more easily hurdle over the rows. If only my hands were larger to better control the bean hook. If only I had more strength once a thick pigweed was hooked to be able to slice it cleanly at the base and quickly retreat back to the center row keeping pace…”

“If only I was more…”

“If only I had more…”

“If only I could do more…”

What plaguing, demoralizing, destructive thoughts created in my imperfect mind and exaggerated by the adversary at times throughout my life to keep me from progressing and trusting more fully in my Heavenly Father’s love and the enabling power available to me simply because my Savior was willing to atone for any injustice or mistake. 

I am exactly where I am on any given day based on who I think I am or who I can be. 

I’ve just completed my 50th rotation around the sun. 

I didn’t wake up any different than I was the day before…

Who I am and what I become is up to me. The “if only’s” paralyze my ability to be what God needs me to be and show up as the truest most authentic version of myself. 

Life can be tough- after all – it’s a test…. of faith, fragility, and fortitude…

There are “pigweeds”- or likened versions thereof in my past and in most definitely my future. 

My “bean hook” is just one tool available to aid me in my journey. I am blessed with people who are there to assist me. I can often see them approach from the corner of my eye. Some- I only feel with my spiritual eyes. They are there to help. They don’t represent my weaknesses but rather the perfect love of God. Some days I am even blessed to be called on to help another…

I went for an evening drive the other day with my windows rolled down. As the cool breezes blew back my bangs, I was filled with hope as I made some goals for my immediate future. 

I choose to be filled with gratitude for the journey and strength to fight off compromising thoughts of “if only…” Because I know my story can read whatever I write on the blank pages of my future. 

I’m grabbing my notebook and my pen and choosing faith…

I will choose to more quickly shed debilitating thoughts and insecurities. 

I will choose to be more fully grateful for the strength and grit I do have. 

I will choose to exercise more patience with myself and my weaknesses. 

I will choose to work to eliminate the “If only’s …” and spend time trying to see myself as my Father in Heaven sees me. 

I will most definitely choose to understand my mortal strength alone will never be enough. However, infinite strength is mine to claim as a blessing for choosing Christ and the opportunities made available the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Then, with greater confidence, I expect to be numbered amongst the faithful followers of Christ. Imperfect in my steps- but stalwart in my commitment. 

Here’s to the next 50 rotations around the sun!-

-JC

Strawberries and Cream Sugar Cookies

Strawberry Sugar Cookies

1.2 ounces of freeze dried strawberries crushed to a powder (I use a food processor)
1 cup soft butter
4 oz. cream cheese
2 cups granulated sugar
2 XL eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons strawberry extract
1-2 drops red gel food coloring (optional)
3 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Blend strawberry powder and butter together.  Let sit for several hours. (This will deepen the strawberry flavor). Cream strawberry-butter mixture, cream cheese, and sugar with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs, strawberry extract; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Scoop out approximately 24+ 2” balls of dough. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 10+ min. Let Cool. Drizzle with Cream Glaze. Let set. Share!

Cream Glaze

1/4 cup half and half
2 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon clear vanilla
Dash of salt

Mix all the ingredients at once in a food processor.  Store in a freezer strength Ziploc until ready to use.  Clip the corner of the Ziploc and drizzle as desired.

I fell into my king size bed- alone and exhausted…
It was nearly twenty years ago that I was mid-way through a two-week journey parenting alone. These trips were common. My husband was gone on travel training foreign entities to secure their nuclear materials. His work was crucial. He was very good and well respected in his realm of managing international projects involving the non-proliferation of nuclear materials. 

But that night I crashed into my bed, grasping for energy to pray beyond wishing I wasn’t alone trying to ensure that our three children were happy, cared for, and taught in the ways that God would have me. Nevertheless, sleep came quickly as my head hit the pillow. 

Uncertain of the time, I awakened to unusual sounds in our small home. We had lived there for years. I loved our neighborhood and neighbors. They were friendly and we looked out for one another. It was a safe and happy place to raise a family.  
However, the sounds that night were unfamiliar and unsettling. I rationalized to myself it was just the wind… I drug myself out of bed and walked through the house…Everything seemed fine.
I returned to bed and prayed for peace and a quick return to sleep knowing my sweet army of three kids would need me well rested to help them battle the next day. 

Strange sounds persisted. My heart raced. My imagination followed. There was no peace nor sleep to be found for me in my home that night.  My options for a midnight call took an obvious choice. My brother-in-law lived two blocks away. He’s one of the greatest guys you’d ever meet. Truly a friend to all and without hesitation told me he would come right over when I made the call telling him of strange sounds, stress, and lost sleep. He surveyed the entire property, looked in every closet and under every bed – even those holding soundly sleeping children. There was no indication of anything amiss. He left with my incredible appreciation and borderline embarrassment that I had him up in the middle of the night hunting imaginary shadows in the dark. 

Why didn’t God just help me fall back asleep with His own peaceful assurance that all was well? “What was I supposed to learn?” I wondered as I quickly drifted back to sleep.

I think I needed to be reminded that we don’t journey this earth life alone. God deliberately puts people in our path. We take turns helping each other out- serving with charitable unwavering nonjudgmental Christlike love. We are reminded that the light of Christ is in each of us and that we are simply asked to lift where we stand. 

Today, momentarily exhausted from the frustration of redefining “normal” in a place and time that will be recorded in future History books, I plea to God asking Him what He would have me do. The thoughts come quickly. The steps seem small and insignificant.
And yet in faith, I want to be deliberate with each one…
Trusting in purpose…
My purpose…
Christ’s purpose…
My purpose in Christ’s work…

-JC

Chocolate Dipped Marshmallow Krispy Cookies

4 Tablespoons butter
10.5 oz. mini marshmallows
½ teaspoon salt
7 oz. marshmallow fluff
7 cups crisped rice cereal (Rice Krispies)

Melt butter and mini marshmallows mixed with salt in a large bowl in the microwave. (Approximately 1 minute.) Stir in the marshmallow fluff until smooth. Stir in rice cereal. Scoop out 24 mounds of marshmallow-cereal mixture onto a greased parchment sheet. Spray non-stick cooking spray on your hands.  Roll each mound into a ball and flatten to about 1+ inch thick. Chill for 20-30 minutes. Melt 8 oz. milk chocolate Hershey bars in a bowl in the microwave. Dip each cookie into chocolate and return to the parchment sheet. Drizzle the top of each cookie with remaining melted chocolate. Return to the refrigerator until set. Share!

I have an inch-long scar on my chin…
With each rise and fall, I was desperately trying to hold on with all my might. I was determined to not let go despite feeling like a helpless ragdoll flailing without strength.
I told myself to keep trying, keep enduring…
However, I was outmatched by size, strength, and experience. 
On what proved to be my final attempt, I lost my grip and bounced- hard and fast on the seat and then to the concrete playground. 

I was 5…
It was one of my first opportunities for recess as a Kindergartner and I accepted an invitation from a fellow classmate to teeter-totter with her. 
Little did I know, the seemingly harmless mount onto the metal limb would land me in the emergency room.
I laid on a hard metal table- alone. A smelly washcloth was placed over my face. The last thing I remember was someone saying “Jackie… just close your eyes…”

I must’ve quit fighting sleep as the next thing I remember was the feeling of a bulky bandage on my chin and Mom trying to explain to me what stitches were and how I wouldn’t be able to get them wet for two weeks. 
A few days later, I weakly smiled on class picture day wearing my black and white jumper with my hair brushed nicely and pulled up in a partial ponytail with a thin red ribbon and a flesh-colored bandaid on my chin- forever documenting my weakness- my inability to hold on…

I wanted to be an unconquerable spirit. I always wanted to be stronger, faster, smarter, and just plain better… I feel like those feelings have plagued me and motivated me my entire life. 
I’ve wasted energy and efforts in life trying to climb life’s mountains on my own.
I’ve stressed about circumstances out of my control. 
I’ve spent time being angry and slow to forgive. I’ve wavered in faith with God’s will and His timeline for me.
I’ve cried – mourning the heartaches felt by myself and loved ones.
I’ve felt like anything and everything EXCEPT an unconquerable spirit. 

And now- nearly 50 years into my life’s journey- I think I’ve figured out just how to conquer anything. 
I realize I am nothing…
…Without my Savior, Jesus Christ. 

I have no determination, toughness nor desire to persist. 
However- In and through Him I find strength and energy to conquer fears, weaknesses, and temptations to quit…
Without Him…
I 
Am
Nothing…

A true unconquerable spirit doesn’t quit-
She knows with certainty her grip will falter. 
She will fall.
And yet-
She keeps trusting, keeps believing, and keeps fighting with Christ as her source of power, faith, and unwavering strength. 

On my own, I can’t hold on…
Being strengthened In and through Christ and the enabling power available through His Atonement, I WILL hold on…becoming unconquerable through Him…

-JC

Coconut Cream Frosted Chocolate Sugar Cookies

1 cup soft butter
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
1 1/4 cups powdered sugar
2 XL eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup cocoa (I use Hershey’s dark)
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Cream butter, oil  and sugars with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until well blended. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Scoop out approximately 24+ 2” balls of dough.  For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet.  

Bake at 350 degrees for 12+  min. Cool. Frost with Coconut Cream Frosting. Top generously with sweetened flaked coconut.  Let set. Share!

Coconut Cream Frosting

8 oz. softened cream cheese
1/4 cup soft butter
1/4 cup cream of coconut (Coco Re’al brand works great)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon coconut extract
2 cups powdered sugar

Mix cream cheese, butter and cream of coconut until smooth. Add vanilla, coconut extract, and powdered sugar. Mix until fluffy. Spoon into a freezer strength Ziploc until ready to use.

I set out headed down the street with my wagon filled – 
Pulling a mobile feast I would never partake of.

Our wagon was well used- it was scuffed and dented- each mark representing moments of work or play. In the spring, we would haul garden equipment and supplies across town to our large pumpkin field and then haul the harvest to the town square in October to sell. In August, when the Championship Rodeo came to our small town, the empty lot behind our house filled with motor homes and we would go door to door selling cinnamon rolls from the back of our wagon. And when mom wasn’t looking- it was primarily used to go sailing down the driveway with as many of my sisters or neighbors who were willing to take the wild ride.

This particular day- it was filled with Girl Scout Cookies. 
I was only a member of the Girl Scouts of America for one year. I was a Brownie. I loved the sense of belonging and duty I felt as I spent time with my troop. We gathered for meetings and activities, but as I recall, our primary purpose was to sell Girl Scout Cookies.  At the conclusion of each of our gatherings, we would sit on the floor in a circle and sing “our song.”
“Make new friends-
But keep the old-
One is silver-
And the other’s gold.”
We would sing it all together and divide up and sing it in a round many times until it was time to grab our jackets and head home. 

The message confused me. What did it mean that one was silver and the other gold?
My mom explained to me that they are both great treasures- just of varying degrees. 

Over the years, I’ve contemplated the message as it pertains to things in my life.  Lately, the message has been circling back around in regards to what I’ve learned about myself in a pandemic and what kinds of goals I’ll set moving forward.  There are elements from my pre-pandemic life that I miss- proximity and relationships with friends and associates hit the top of my list.  But I’ve also gained great delight in having my grown family “stuck” at home. 
I certainly haven’t navigated this past month perfectly. There have been highs and lows.
I’ve disappointed and impressed myself – sometimes within moments of each other. 
I’ve noticed the air is less polluted- the sky seems bluer. I’ve enjoyed long walks breathing in the smell of orange blossoms. 
I’ve also wished a few days away- longing for my old routines and tasks. 
Above all- I’ve delighted in having an at-home church service with my family each week. It’s been nearly ten years since we’ve gone to church together. And now, it’s even better having two daughters-in-law join us.
I feel spiritually connected to Christ in a way that I have no words to convey. As I scan my living room- I’m eternally grateful that they are mine to claim forever.
Christ’s life work ensures we have the opportunity to be united as a family beyond the veil of death. 

As the next few months pass, and life presents an opportunity to return to what it once was.  It gives me pause…
What do I want to keep from who I was pre-pandemic?
What do I want to change?

Certainly, it resembles the song from my days as a Brownie.  I’ll keep working to enjoy the everyday journey- and try to remember the eternal perspective I’ve been blessed to peek into. Primarily- that these incredible individuals that I get to claim as family are mine forever. 

Do my actions each day remain consistent with that primary belief and desired blessing? Truly some pre-pandemic habits and appreciations are silver.  Gratefully, I’ve learned some new visions and perspectives – they are gold!

It’s just like Mom said- both are great treasures- just of varying degrees.

-JC

Chip and Oat Cookies

½ cup soft butter
½ cup butter flavored Crisco
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 XL eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups quick oats
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1+ cup butterscotch chips (or peanut butter, vanilla, milk chocolate, etc.)
1+cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Cream butter, Crisco, and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Stir in chips. Scoop out approximately 24 2” balls of dough.  Gently roll. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly, and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. When ready to bake, place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet.  
Bake at 375 degrees for 12-14 min.
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The new PE teacher at my junior high school had been slow to win me over… until one day…

Our class arrived at PE class in the school’s multi-purpose room. That morning it served as our gymnasium for PE and a few short hours later it would be filled with moveable cafeteria tables and benches for the lunch service.  I wanted to love PE. I was glad to be out of the classroom for a break, but my undersized frame and underdeveloped athleticism made it difficult to “succeed”.

Our teacher had a raspy voice. He always spoke loudly and assertively. He didn’t joke around and there was certainly no room for messing around in his class. It was a mixture of my fear and intrigue towards his genuineness that allowed him to earn my initial trust. 

Coach (that’s what we called our teacher) announced the game that day: “pinball” (essentially dodgeball with an added element of guarding a bowling pin on each side). It was absolutely my least favorite PE game… He then instructed the method for acquiring two “even” teams. He named the two most athletic boys the captains and allowed them to pick their teams- one kid at a time. I felt my whole being turn red and my underdeveloped sweat glands seemed to finally begin to show up… Most of the boys in the class got picked first- then the athletic girls. My heart raced. Fewer and fewer classmates stood on the grayish line made with white athletic tape that was dingy and peeling in its makeshift attempt to be a boundary line.  I kept my eyes down the whole time. There were long pauses between picks with audible sighs of defeat from the captains as the minutes wore on and few classmates remained. There was one other girl and me as the last two. I held my breath as the captain called out a name…

It wasn’t mine…

Then Coach said “let’s go” as he blew his whistle.  He pointed for me to join the team of the kid who never even called my name.

In this moment, I hated Coach for what “he” did to me.  As I slowly and sluggishly walked over to my newly formed team’s side to join the strategic huddle, Coach stopped me.  My eyes stayed on the floor until the awkwardness of the silent moment forced me to look up. He simply said… “You know- you can prove them wrong…”

Nearly 40 years later, I see how so much of life can mirror junior high PE class…

Sometimes I feel overworked and overlooked.  Some days I feel like no one is calling my name to do anything important that’s not undone by someone else. And I just simply want to feel connected, of worth, a sense of being needed or that I belong. 

It’s where I search for acceptance that will determine which team I end up on and whether I claim victory. Victory begins with thought work to prove my own self-doubts wrong. It’s about rising up against the very destructive demon I’ve created in my mind fostering potentially catastrophic negativity. 

Chaos clouds clarity. 

If I allow my mind or immediate world to be littered with chaotic thinking that doesn’t serve me well, I’m paralyzed towards progression.  Clarity comes as I centralize my thoughts and the ensuing actions towards eternal truths. 

What if I chose the Savior’s team? There have been times where I could have confidently stood on a makeshift line and rose up with confidence as He called on me to help Him. The call to hear Him and ensuing course seemed precisely clear. 

What’s happening today?

Are my eyes looking down -worried He won’t call my name? Or have I assumed He won’t want me on His team…

Nearly 40 years ago as I sheepishly joined a team that I knew I had nothing to contribute to, I wondered about Coach’s words… “Prove them wrong…” I wanted to do just that. Grit, fierceness, and fearlessness all built confidence in my worth. 

What about today?

Is Christ calling on me? Is He calling my name? What is it specifically He needs me to show up for today with courage and confidence?

Am I ready?- The truth is- it doesn’t matter if I’ve been lazy, disconnected or distracted… My Savior still calls my name to step up and allows me to stand beside Him. He invites me to be His teammate and recognizes my worth and abilities far more clearly than I ever will. 

It begins with choosing to hear Him call my name. Whether I step up fearlessly with grit and determination choosing to hold onto hope is up to me. 

Peanut Butter Frosted Chocolate Sugar Cookies

Chocolate Sugar Cookies
1 cup soft butter
½  cup vegetable oil
1 ¼ cups granulated sugar
1 ¼ cups powdered sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup cocoa 
2 ½ cups all-purpose flour
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Cream butter, oil  and sugars with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until well blended. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Scoop out approximately 24+ 2” balls of dough.  For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet.   Bake at 350 degrees for 12+  min. Cool. Frost with Peanut Butter Frosting. Garnish as desired. Let set. Share!

Peanut Butter Frosting
¾ cup soft butter
¾ cup creamy peanut butter
2 ¼ cups powdered  sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
Dash of salt
3-4 Tablespoons milk

Cream butter and peanut butter on medium speed for 1 minute. Stir in powdered sugar. Add vanilla salt, and milk. Whip for 5 minutes. Spoon into Ziploc bag until ready to use.

I was sitting there on the floor… legs crossed, pulled up to my chest wondering to myself what would happen next. 
I wasn’t sure how or why I did it… but clearly I was acting out the “hard” I was feeling. 
It was 3rd grade Math class. The pattern was typical and had been played out countless times.  We were to do our daily worksheet. Gratefully, Math was easy for me. I always quickly finished my work and waited with the rest of my classmates quietly at our desks until our teacher noted all had finished. 

She then asked us to get up from our seats and move one seat backward to grade the Math sheet of the person sitting behind us. This was a normal routine for our classroom. 

I was somewhat disgruntled with my newly assigned seat in the back corner of the classroom.   And yet- I can’t say that I know why I did it.  But I do remember having angst toward my teacher… I guess I was done conforming to classroom routine… Literally just “done”… So, sitting in my back row desk, upon the call from our teacher to move back one seat for grading, I did just that…
The remainder of my classmates sitting in the back row all moved to the front row as had been done countless times that school year. 
As I “moved back one seat “ and sat on the floor, I heard gasps mixed with giggles.  I wasn’t even sure I regretted my decision. 
Reflecting on the experience even as an adult – I’m surprised a bit that THIS is my story.  I was a fairly compliant child at that age. There was no great tragedy or stress in my life that caused me to act out.  I think I was just “done”…
I feel that way in life sometimes.
“Done” Or at least I want to be… 
Done with the struggle…
Done with the pain…
Done with the loneliness…
Done with the heartache…
Done with all things hard…

I know as I work harder to control my thoughts and focus on gratitude and my blessings- I am able to work through the “done” feeling and come out on the other side motivated to keep going. 
But sometimes- my only prayer- the only words available for me to utter are “I’m having a hard time…” I don’t ask for strength or guidance or courage. I feel too little energy or resolve to utilize those blessings.  I just simply feel “done”… As I linger in those prayers…holding back tears as my lips quiver, my throat seems to close and I lack the ability to keep speaking.  I know God hears me.
If I stay “there” in prayer- having shared my weak but honest message- I don’t feel ashamed. I know I haven’t disappointed God… I know – He knows… All my pains, imperfections and weaknesses.

In that moment, He doesn’t love me less than when I’m energized and joy-filled in my journey.  I simply feel His perfect love for me. If I chose- I can feel enveloped in it and held- right where I am. 

In time- perhaps the next morning with a new sunrise providing a new opportunity- I can “get up”…
I can choose faith to…
Keep trying…
Keep believing…
Keep trusting. 

I won’t be perfect, but that’s not what God’s asking from me.
My strength is not my own in good times nor hard.
He wants me to remember He is there and that momentary AND everlasting peace is available to me because of the selfless sacrifice of Jesus Christ. 

Claiming that peace when I feel “done” is up to me…

-JC

Chocolate- Chocolate Chip Marble Cookies

Make a small batch of Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies:
¼ cup soft butter
¼ cup butter flavored Crisco
½ cup granulated sugar
½ cup packed brown sugar
1 XL egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
6 Tablespoons cocoa. (I use Hershey’s Special Dark)
1 cup + 1 Tablespoon all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
1 cup chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Cream butter, Crisco, and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in egg and vanilla; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 1-2 more Tablespoons of flour for high elevations. Stir in chocolate chips. Scoop out approximately 24 -1” balls of dough.  Flatten slightly.

Make a batch of Chocolate Chip Cookies:
½ cup soft butter
½ cup buttered flavored Crisco
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 XL eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 ¾ cups all-purpose flour 
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
3 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

Cream butter, Crisco, and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Stir in chocolate chips. Scoop out approximately 24  2-” balls of dough. Flatten slightly.
Create marble effect by stacking a disc of Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookie dough onto disc of Chocolate Chip Cookie dough. Break in half. Stack again.  You now have four alternating layers. Flatten slightly. Break in half and stack again to create eight alternating layers. Roll into a ball and flatten slightly.  For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet.
Bake at 375 degrees for 12-14 min. 
Let set. Share!

We are witnessing something powerful. 
Can you feel it?

I feel an intensity of two distinct powers. 
One of which causes me exhaustion, hopelessness, and fear.  And the other awakens my inner spiritual warrior, reminding me I chose to enlist in God’s army in a premortal realm. I agreed to face and faithfully fight on the hard days, riddled with inadequate and restless feelings and dotted with unknown paths that lie ahead. I promised to battle the adversary fiercely and fearlessly. 

The truth is: I’ve been training for this day for 50 years…

When I was young, a group of girls from school were talking about a flyer we all received. It was information on a summer softball team.  I had played plenty of kickball in my backyard as a kid with my dad and the neighborhood kids.  I understood softball to share the same general concepts so I showed up at the school fields on the first day of practice.  I was introduced to new skills such as proper techniques for throwing, catching and batting. I was undersized and seemingly slow to catch on but I knew I would improve. 
At the end of practice, following the final huddle, Coach asked me to stay back for a minute.  I nervously approached her as she gazed at her clipboard.  She simply said. “I don’t think you can succeed in this sport and I’m asking you not to come back.”
I felt devastated, embarrassed, and defeated. 

However, I fought those feelings of inadequacy and focused my efforts on the community’s summer swim team.
Our first meet was just a few weeks after the initial practice. I felt unprepared as I was still learning stroke techniques, shallow diving, and flip turns. 
Nevertheless, I had a piece of paper with my name and event and I was standing in a line with a group of girls I didn’t know from teams across the region, waiting for my turn to race. With each fire of the starting gun, another race began and all 8 of us followed our lane lines and slowly moved to the front towards the pool.
Soon- it was my turn… 
The starting gun sounded, startling me, and I hesitated – eventually joining the other 7 swimmers in the water, imperfectly splashing our way down the lane. We were doing our best- with the resources we had to battle self-doubt and swim hard.

These, and countless other seemingly inconsequential experiences over the years, coupled with accompanying choices have brought me to this very place and time. 

The world is enduring a high level of chaos. 
There is exhaustion in meeting demands in the family as roles and proximity to help have shifted.  There’s anxiety regarding financial burdens – those realized today and those projected for the future.  There’s the pain of loneliness and loss. 
And I feel like I’m at the front of the line, it’s my turn to climb up on the starting block and shed the doubt of previous disappointments and self-defeating thoughts of being unprepared, or insufficient.  It’s time for me to realize I’m here at this time, for a purpose and all God wants from me is to reach out with faith and do my best.
If my strokes are flawed and my turns aren’t sharp, it’s ok. I just need to keep my promise and try my best to help God in any way I can. He will accept my imperfect efforts and count them for good. 

I testify He is here. He is with us. We are not alone.  He sends aid in the form of angels- seen and unseen. He extends comfort and tender mercies to show us of His perfect love. And He sends His Son to help us carry the burdens that seem overwhelming and discouraging. 

How do I know?
As I silence the clamor in the world around me, I hear Him. I feel His love. I know Him. 

It’s my turn to step up to the front lines and fight for truth, fight for Christ. My inner spiritual warrior is ready to battle the adversary who is the source of fear and anxiety, and dispels faith. 
I’m ready…
One step at a time- 
One day at a time…
Choosing to know Him.  
Choosing to testify of Him, my Savior- my source of enduring peace. 

-JC

Lemon Cream Frosted Sugar Cookies

Sugar Cookies
1 cup soft butter
½  cup vegetable oil
1 ¼ cups granulated sugar
1 ¼ cups powdered sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 ¾ cups all-purpose flour
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Cream butter, oil  and sugars with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs, vanilla extract; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 2-3 Tablespoons more flour for high elevation. Scoop out approximately 24+ 2” balls of dough. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet.   Bake at 350 degrees for 12+  min. Let cool. Frost with Lemon Cream Frosting. Garnish with fresh lemon zest if desired. let Set. Share!

Lemon Cream Frosting
8 oz. softened  cream cheese
½ cup soft butter
Zest of two medium lemons
Juice of two medium lemons (¼ cup)
1 teaspoon lemon extract
3+ cups powdered sugar
Dash of salt

Cream together cream cheese, butter, and lemon zest with an electric mixer until smooth. Mix in lemon juice, lemon extract, 1 cup of powdered sugar and dash of salt. Mix until smooth.  Add remaining powdered sugar and whip on high for 3-5 minutes. Place in freezer strength Ziploc until ready to use.

Not a fan of lemon? Simply frost with Cream Cheese Frosting.