Cookies and Christ

He was days late and I wasn’t even mad about it. 
Months prior I stared at my calendar seeing two important events colliding on the paper pages. 
Both held tugs on my heartstrings but seemingly impossible to navigate their timeline. 

A wedding and a baby. Both were scheduled to happen at the same time. 
I made preparations for both. 

My mantra this year is to be “All in”. 
I really wanted to be at my nephew’s wedding. He was choosing to be married forever to his bride and I wanted to support him 100%. 
I also wanted to see my nieces and nephew that I was blessed to come to know better through my time in Washington state a year ago. 
I missed them and wanted to catch up. Additional family I rarely get to see would make the trip and the idea of being reunited made my heart happy. 

And yet-
My daughter was expecting her first baby within the exact timeframe. She was expected to still be in the hospital when I needed to leave for the wedding. 

The truth is- nobody in either scenario needed me…
These were just two ginormous blessings in my life and I wanted to be present and celebrate both of them. 
I even prayed that my daughter would go into labor and have the baby early so I could get her settled before I headed to the wedding. 

My prayers seemed to be lost in the very air in which they were uttered. 

I get it. It wasn’t that big of a deal …yet it seemed so to me.

Frustration was a choice. 
But-
Negativity would help no one and yet be felt by all. 

The night before I left for my two-day trip to the wedding –
I played pickleball with my daughter as she was 9 months and a day pregnant. 
The wedding weekend was absolutely delightful. We returned home and a few days later we met our newest grandson. He was a few days late and I wasn’t mad about it at all. 😉

Was God in these details?

I suppose it depends on what you believe. 
My prayer wasn’t answered in the way I had hoped..
And yet-
Was everything just as it should have been? What if I had chosen grumpiness and frustration because of it?
How many people could have felt burdened by that choice?

It’s available 100% of the time to choose to believe in God or to choose that there is no God. 
What will you choose?
And to what degree will you choose to believe He is in the details of your life?

We went to ice cream with my granddaughter a few months ago. 
I think the shop had over 40 flavors. I read many descriptions and remained undecided as my number was called to step up and place our order. My granddaughter didn’t even hesitate for a moment. 
“I want the pink one!” She said with surety and clarity. 

How often do I remain undecided?
Stuck in uncertainty?
It’s not a happy peaceful feeling-
And yes-
We are still talking about ice cream!!

Or are we…?
Agency is a powerful gift straight from God. 
It’s a gift to be able to choose how much to believe in Him. 
It’s also a choice of what to do and think of when our belief in Him leaves us feeling unheard. 

I’m Grateful for divine wisdom. 
I’m grateful for pink ice cream.
I’m grateful for choices. 
And I’m grateful for a new grandbaby I get to pray for and I’m especially grateful that he chose to show up a few days late.

Mostly I’m grateful for God. I’m grateful I get to talk all of this over with Him. 
I’m grateful for unanswered prayers when His wisdom is greater than mine. And yet grateful for the love I feel from a perfect Heavenly Father. I’m able to simply turn to Him to give my pleas a chance to create a dialogue even when they sometimes seem to linger without place in existence. 

For in the end- 
I still choose God. 
I still choose to believe in Him. 

-JC

Cookie Dough Cakesters

Make a batch of: Chocolate Cake Cookies
2 boxed chocolate cake mixes (approx. 15 oz. each)
1 6oz. package instant chocolate pudding mix
¾ cup oil
1 ½ cups sour cream
4 eggs

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Mix all ingredients together on medium high for 2 minutes. Scoop out 48  -1¼” balls of dough onto cookie sheets lined with parchment paper. Bake at 375 degrees for 14-16 minutes. Remove from the oven and let cool completely. 

Cookie Dough Frosting
6 Tablespoons soft butter
¾ cup packed brown sugar (I prefer dark)
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
1 ½ Tablespoons milk or cream
¾ cup flour (bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes, then cool)
¼ teaspoon salt
¾ cup mini chocolate chips

Cream butter, sugar, vanilla extract and milk with an electric mixer on medium-high for 30 seconds or until well incorporated. Stir in flour and salt. Mix well. Stir in chocolate chips. Divide. Fold cookie dough into the Buttercream Frosting.  

Buttercream Frosting
1 cup soft butter
3 cups powdered sugar
2+ Tablespoons cream
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Dash of salt

Mix butter with powdered sugar and cream until smooth.  Stir in vanilla extract and salt.  Beat on high for 2 minutes.
Pipe Cookie Dough Frosting onto the bottom (flat side) of ½ of the cookies. Top with an additional cookie. Garnish with mini chocolate chips as desired.  
Let set. Share!

I recently read that we make 10,000 decisions every day. 
It’s caused me pause to consider that statistic-
And awe of its magnitude. 
What am I choosing 10,000 times throughout my day?
Assuming there’s truth to it- such explains the degree of fatigue, exhaustion, and even peace and joy that any given day can be defined by. 
I recently took my granddaughter back-to-school shopping. 
We were hoping to find a dress she loved. We didn’t. We came home with a sweatshirt and a few hours of one-on-one time that will forever hold a place as a cherished memory. 
I’m in awe of her. I know some of what her future holds. But most of that story is hers to write in the 10,000 choices she makes each day. 
Her mom is an amazing human. I learn a lot from her. 
Our recent outing began with lunch. My granddaughter wanted to go for ramen, cheeseburgers, and macaroni and cheese. 
Yes.
All three. 
I told her to choose the one she wanted most that day. 
I giggled from the front seat as she talked through her decision, changing her mind multiple times. 
In the end- 
“Gramma- I just want something super cheesy…” won out and we had Chik-fil-a macaroni and cheese. 
We ordered and I told her to choose a seat. Even that was filled with a chat about whether a super tall seat, a bench, or a chair would be best. 
She chose a table close to the play area. 
She immediately took her shoes off and ran for a lap up the platform and down the slide. 
Moments later her kid-meal bag arrived and she ran back to the table, took a slurp of a bubbly Sprite, a bite of Mac and cheese, and was off for another lap through the play area. 
I watched the decisions she made- she would often hold the door open for another kid coming or going. 
She would sometimes help a younger child onto the first platform, as she quickly passed them ascending towards the top. 
Sometimes she would come off of the slide and round the corner to the back of the play area to busy herself with another activity. 
It would only ever be a few minutes before she returned to our table and took another bite before she was off and running again. 
This series of decisions continued for over an hour. I never intervened or guided her to stay put and eat while her food was hot. She didn’t care- so why should I…
She was flexing thousands of decisions over that hour. I was watching in awe as she pleasantly navigated them. 
I later found out-
This is normal. This is how her mom lets her “do” Chick-fil-A.
It’s brilliant. 
And necessary. 
Perhaps not the details-
But certainly the idea. 
Decision-making is important. 
Agency is our gift from God. 
We all need to learn how to use it and thus be accountable for those decisions. 
My granddaughter seems to be innately wise with her agency. Truth is-
She’s two generations stronger than me as we near the Savior’s return so she is going to need that strength. 
I was not so wise- 
Maybe I still wander a bit from the path of least resistance. 
I usually make a task harder than it needs to be.
Proof of that is held in my mom’s recent birthday celebration. I had no old-school matches and My lighter was empty. So my efforts to light her extra-tall gold candle already placed in the middle of a fudgy chocolate cake were futile. 
I went to my gas range, rolled up a notecard, grabbed a bowl outta the cupboard, and lit my rolled paper on fire with the flame from my range. I used the bowl to block air movement as I traveled across the room to light my mom’s candle. 
The flame blew out right as I tried to transfer it to the candle. 
Bummer. 
My daughter-in-law simply suggested-
“Why don’t you just light the candle at the range….”
Ok. 
Yeah. 
Duh. 
😂😂😂
But truthfully- this tells you my story. My life story. My brain usually solves a problem- just not always in the most direct or simplest of ways. 
This means- I’ve spent decades wearing myself out doing things and learning things the hard way. 
All of those 10,000 decisions every day have perhaps made me weary at times. 
And yet-
I’m very mindful of their importance. 
Perhaps intuitively so. Something about using my gift of agency is a truth familiar to my spirit. On even the smallest sub-conscious level – I recognize it as a blessing and responsibility from God. 
So how can I navigate life working through my 10,000 daily choices and avoid becoming overwhelmed?…
I have to choose what voice to listen to. 
Sometimes-
The voice is the adversary making a compelling argument. 
Sometimes-
It’s God whispering in a way that I’m challenged to drown out distractions to hear. 
And sometimes-
It’s people I’m blessed that God has placed in my path to help me. 
Sometimes the voice is hard to decipher. Sometimes I don’t listen and I fall. Sometimes I fall- but I’ve learned to get back up. 
And sometimes it’s simple. 
And I give credit to the brilliant mind who suggested I light the candle at the range and delight in getting to celebrate another birthday with Mom!!
-JC

Cookie Salad

1 small (3oz.) package instant vanilla pudding mix
1 cup buttermilk
8 oz. tub Cool Whip
1 ½ pound strawberries hulled and cut into pieces or slices
3 bananas (chilled). Slice right before serving.
5 bags of mini fudge stripe cookies

Mix together pudding mix and buttermilk until well blended. Fold in Cool whip.
Prepare strawberries and refrigerate fruit and pudding mixture until ready to assemble.
To assemble- fold fruit and cookies into pudding mixture. Reserve some cookies to garnish the top.
Serve and share immediately. 

I was on my way to the airport for a quick trip to check on my latest work project in AZ when I heard a song on the radio for the first time. Within seconds, I knew its message was deep and what the world needs today. 

“I am not okay
I’m barely getting by
I’m losing track of days
And losing sleep at night
I am not okay
I’m hanging on the rails
So if I say I’m fine
Just know I learned to hide it well
I know I can’t be the only one
Who’s holding on for dear life
But God knows, I know
When it’s all said and done
I’m not okay
But it’s all gonna be alright
It’s not okay
But we’re all gonna be alright”

I found the song by Jelly Roll and lyrics on my phone as I sat at my gate and pondered them and their message of faith and hope. I thought about what bridges the gap between not feeling ok, but everything being all right…?

A few months ago I stayed up late until the sky was especially dark and thus the stars seemed astoundingly bright. 
Is this the heavens people speak of…?
Or to…?

I did. 

I begged God for direction and peace in the journey to follow as I took some faith-needed steps. 
The story is still in its infancy. 
There much I don’t understand. 
A simple answer and what I call my “marching orders” seemed clear and I immediately got to mental and physical work as I proceeded in faith. 

And then nothing.
Months passed. 
Nothing of what I was expecting happened or is happening. 

This is no doubt the adversary’s playground. 
He wants me to doubt my faith. 
He wants me to doubt my answer. 
He wants me to doubt God’s ability to hear me when I pray. 
He wants me to doubt my ability to hear God. 

Where’s God when we don’t feel ok?
Where’s God when the hard feels too much?
Where’s God when loneliness crowds the emptiness?
Where’s God when heartache overwhelms?
Where’s God?

When I use the phrase “This is no doubt the adversary’s playground…”
I should follow that with a truth I quote often. 
“Sometimes you need to change your playmates-
Sometimes you need to change your playground-
And sometimes you need to change both.”

Write that down somewhere. It’s powerful in decision making especially if you’re feeling like the victim in being stuck.
Powerful- because it reminds us of agency and the God-given gift of choice. 

So-
When I’m feeling like my thought process has me on the adversary’s playground-
Here’s what ‘that’ feels like-
Nothing is wrong…At first. I can continue swinging seemingly carefree. I can chase the excitement of a tall swirly slide. I can zip down the monkey bars and run it back without even a momentary worry. 

Until I can’t. Until I realize I’m beginning to adapt to my playmate. Until I’m taking on his personas and attitudes. Until…Happiness eludes me yet my verbiage still proclaims loyalty to God. 
That’s how the adversary’s playground feels. The peace I work for in life feels elusive and hidden under uncompromising weights. And yet- there was no marked event that led me there. 

So then what…?
When I’ve stayed too long and I need to find God…
Where do I look?
How do I find Him?

I have come to know-
He’s been beside me all along. I just chose not to seek the clarity and company required to see Him. 
He’s always right where I left Him…
He also sends His Son to come to me. 

But moving toward light, seeking Him, and allowing the outstretched hand of my Savior to pull me up and out of a faith-struggling funk-  is still a choice. And not always easy to navigate in a darkened scene in a darkened world. 

But HE is always there. 

He kneels beside me. Sends angels to watch me and be with me as I decide which way to turn, whether to replace fear with faith and in the end of the minute, the day or the season of hard…
Heaven bridges the gap and in truth-
Everything IS ok. 

And yet today-
I sit alone with my faith. Hoping I’m doing all I can to keep listening.
Some days I could choose to feel abandoned in my plight to follow God -by God himself. 
But a friend recently said-
“If you find yourself feeling like the Heavens are shut and you are struggling to receive revelation, you are not alone. 
But then-
Hold on.
Hope on.
Believe on.”

So I’m trying to follow his suggestion and thus-
Trying to bridge the gap between me and Heaven. 

Where as I look to God-
I see that Jelly Roll is on point-
“But it’s all gonna be alright”

In so doing, you and I can both work to gather more faith and declare the truth-
“Because of and through Jesus Christ, my Savior, I’m going to be alright!”

As I work to gain this truth, my discipleship calls me to share the message with a struggling world filled with people who need a message of hope and gladness.-
A message with an invitation to “hold on, hope on, and believe on!”

-JC

Caramel Popcorn

1 cup butter
½ cup corn syrup
⅔ cup  granulated sugar
⅔ cup packed brown sugar 
¼ teaspoon salt

Combine all ingredients listed above and bring to a boil. 
Immediately remove from heat and add:

1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon baking soda

Stir until foamy.  Pour onto 18 cups of popcorn (i use pre-packaged kettle corn). Gently fold until evenly coated. Pour out onto a large sheet of parchment paper and let set. Share!

I love my work. 

From January through April of 2024, I worked in the Phoenix, Arizona area. 
For the third time in neighboring zip codes, we purchased a large property that needed “work”. 
It’s been a Humpty Dumpty kind of work with varying degrees of the “Dumpty”. 
My self-assigned job has been to organize and design every step from the demo to the execution of all the trades coming in and putting it all back together culminating in furniture and decor finishing it off. 

I love it. 

It’s challenging and rewarding. It centers around building relationships with the sub-contractors and yet holding firm to standards and schedules. 
I didn’t know that I knew how to do it. Maybe it’s a talent God gave me after my kids were grown and on their own. 🤷🏻‍♀️I’m not sure- nor does it matter, but I seem to have a gift. 

Before 2019, I had only earned $1900 (more than the cost of my student loans). I had chosen the life of being “home” with the kids as they journeyed through their school years. Recently, it’s been fun to stretch my business IQ and enter the traditional workforce. 

In my head, I circle the word “work”.
I work to lean heavily into God to help me define what He would have me do and what matters most. 

I’m often rerouted  in purpose as I hear the hymn lyrics-
“It may not be on the mountain height
Or over the stormy sea,
It may not be at the battle’s front
My Lord will have need of me.
But if, by a still, small voice he calls
To paths that I do not know,
I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:
I’ll go where you want me to go.”
Mary Brown (1891)

I want so desperately to want what God wants for my life. But it’s not always easy to choose it. 
On days where faith is small and fear seems large, I don’t even want to work to know-
Because then I know I will have to go and do…

One day during my most recent project- I laid out the plan for my sub-contractor.  
I had a flight to catch later that day to go help take care of my grandkids for a couple of weeks following my daughter-in-law’s toe surgery. 
I was excited to see my kids and grands.
About ten days into my trip- I got sick- really sick. 
My daughter-in-law was feeling better and I laid down for the evening to try and sleep off whatever ailment it was that was dragging me down. 

I felt increasingly worse as the night wore on. 
Physically I was spent and could hardly move. I wondered if my illness was more serious than I initially thought. I felt trapped in bed feeling like there were weights on my chest making it hard to breathe or move. 
Mentally, I followed suit and wallowed in my thoughts that I had failed my family when they needed me most. This is NOT who I am…

And yet- it’s who I was that night. 

I believe God grants us His power on this earth- to help us navigate our journeys. With faith in that power, I asked my son to bless me with healing. 
Morning light came. My energy returned but guilt followed it generously that I wasn’t able to help in all of the ways I had intended to. 

No success is more important to me than the work God would have me do in my family. And here I was feeling better and returning to Arizona to do work that although I love, I had a strong awareness that it mattered incredibly less than the people I was leaving behind. 
The project in AZ got back on track and I caught a flight to return home to see my family again a few weeks later.

I arrived at my son’s home at 8:30 one morning. I was greeted by my daughter-in-law who handed me my infant grandson as she finished getting my granddaughter ready for preschool. 
I soon traded kids, and we grabbed a pink (strawberry) cream cheese-topped bagel and headed out the door. As I drove my granddaughter to preschool, we sang songs and she told me of all of the things she was excited for at school. She’s an absolute delight who loves school, her teachers, and her friends. 

My drive home reminded me of the rut of thought I had been in the last time I traveled those roads. 
Hindsight- I could see how hard the adversary was working on me to allow thoughts of failure regarding my most important work. 

A few days later, I returned to sunny AZ to finish my project with renewed energy to work a lot harder to dismiss the adversary in my life. 
He was breathing his fiery darts and I was collecting them as though they were harmless seashells on the beach. 
The adversary won a round or two that season. I’ve since promised myself to be more aware of what keeps me out of his warm water before it turns hot and I’m in trouble. 

I’ve come to learn that such work is simple. It begins with me remembering what covenants I’ve made with God. 
As I remember the promises I’ve made and work to keep them, I don’t hesitate to claim the associated promised blessings. 
Those blessings are in truth a level of protection allowing me to act and think clearly. They help me understand what work matters most and the decisions which will bring me the greatest joy. 

-JC

Salted Caramel Frosted Pumpkin Cake Bars

Cookie Crust:
2 cups crushed gingersnap cookies
6 Tablespoons melted butter
⅛ teaspoon salt

Mix together all of the ingredients. Press cookie crust into the bottom of a greased 9” x 13” pan.

Pumpkin Cake:
1 ½  cups granulated sugar
½  cup vegetable oil
2 eggs
1 cup canned pumpkin
1 ½  cups flour
½ teaspoon cloves
1 teaspoon cinnamon
½ teaspoon nutmeg
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt

Mix sugar, oil, eggs and pumpkin puree until smooth. Add the dry ingredients all at once and then mix until well combined. Spread batter over the gingersnap crust. Bake at 350 degrees for 25+ minutes.Remove from the oven and let cool completely. Frost with Salted Caramel Frosting. Garnish with caramel sauce if desired.

Salted Caramel Frosting
6 oz. softened cream cheese
6 Tablespoons soft butter
⅓ cup caramel sauce (store-bought or homemade works great)
2 ¼ cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Pinch of salt

Mix cream cheese, butter and caramel dip on medium speed for 1 minute. Stir in powdered sugar. Stir in vanilla extract and salt.  Mix on medium-high for 3-4 minutes.  Spoon frosting into a gallon sized Ziploc and set aside until ready to use. 

I recently came across a Facebook post of a screen with the words:
I TRIED TO THROW IN THE TOWEL-GOD THREW IT BACK AND SAID
“WIPE YOUR FACE.YOU’RE ALMOST THERE.”

I feel like it spoke to me and spoke truths about so many paths in my life that compile my history and road through discipleship. 

Recently, my daughter became a first-time mom.
Watching her leaves me in awe of her strength, resilience, and dedication to her new little family. 
There are times when I offer to let her sleep and I selfishly bask in the ease and joy of being a grandma. It’s not hard. Being a new mom myself was hard. Very hard. 

When my daughter was an infant, I struggled horrifically with postpartum depression. 
I would hold her and rock her during her naps assuming she was too perfect for me as I worried God would take her from me. 
She was certainly a gift that I felt like I didn’t deserve. 
Time, medication, workouts, and healthy eating eased some of my symptoms.

There had been days I begged God for relief and felt abandoned in my pleas. 
My prayers seemed to hang in the empty air they were uttered in. 
The loneliness felt crushing in an absolute void. 
Hope seemed elusive and staggeringly unavailable to claim. 
But glimmers of light began to emerge. 

It was rough and I had to choose-
To lean into faith. 
To work to stifle the fears that held me captive in the hard.

Then I had to choose again. It’s the same choice I get to make today-
To fall into my Savior’s arms as He meets me right where I am.
He agrees to make up the difference in my limited energy. 
He multiplies my efforts giving me strength beyond my own. 

When-
I accept my Savior’s help…
Then- 
I can keep working, keep trying, keep believing, and keep hoping for reprieve and happiness ahead. 

When-
I accept my Savior’s help…
Then-
I can keep trusting and feel heaven cheering me on. 

Years ago as a new mom-
I now understand that some of the angels in heaven cheering for me are the very grand babies that now fill my life with so much love and joy. 
I wasn’t gifted with eyes to see it in my hard- just angels to lift me and Christ to carry me until I could walk again with renewed strength. 

I WANTED TO THROW IN THE TOWEL-
BUT GOD THREW IT BACK…

And gave me the greatest gift-
His son- 
To help me. 

-JC

S’mores Brownies

Graham Crumble:
2 ½ cups graham cracker crumbs
⅔ cup granulated sugar
10 Tablespoons melted butter
¼ teaspoon salt

Mix together all of the ingredients. Reserve ½ cup of the crumble mixture. Press the remainder of the Graham Crumble into the bottom of a greased 9” x 13” baking pan. 

Make a crumble with the remaining mixture by spreading it out loosely onto a greased cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 8 minutes.  Let cool.

Brownie layer:  
Mix together two brownie mixes (approximately 15 oz. each) as directed. Pour batter over graham cracker base. Bake at 350 degrees for 35+ minutes or until done.

Remove from the oven and top with 7 oz. of marshmallow fluff. Broil in the oven until toasted.  Drizzle 2 oz. of melted chocolate bar over the top. Immediately sprinkle with Graham Crumble. Garnish as desired with toasted marshmallows and chocolate pieces.  I toasted marshmallows for the top by spraying a baking sheet with non-stick spray. I placed marshmallows onto the baking sheet and broiled them in the oven until desired toasted-ness. Place onto wet drizzled chocolate so that they “stick” to the top.
Let set.
Share.

A few years ago-

I adjusted my blanket to close a gap in coverage. My heated seat was helping my plight, but the air conditioning in the movie theater marking a thirty-degree swing from the outdoor Arizona summer temperatures was overwhelming. We had just become empty-nesters and the rite of passage seemed to come with late-afternoon movies.
I enjoyed the 120-minute escape complete with salty popcorn for dinner and returned home while it was still light outside.
There were no ball games to go to, homework to help with, or late-night chit-chats to stay up for.

This new phase of life was coupled with complicated feelings….
I had reservations…
(And not the bougie dinner kind- I hate those!😉)

Clearly, I forgot to develop skills and hobbies necessary for a smooth transition to life without the day-to-day household responsibility (mixed with joys) of children.
In the years that followed, I worked to develop hobbies and a side hustle, but nothing filled the void in my heart and home.
The kids had left. They took with them their energy, busyness, and yes- even the mess.

And I hated it.

Until…
The new kid came along. ❤️
It was 3 ½ years ago that I changed my thoughts. Or rather she changed them.
A perfect little granddaughter.
As it turns out- I feel better when a mini-human tornado turns a clean room into chaos and a clean floor into a crumb-fest.
Lately- she’s innately manifesting a mannerism of her Dad when he was a kid. I love it! It’s so small and simple and yet the mere thought of it takes me back to years of backyard play and insatiable energy.

Back then- our evening routine always began with me being exhausted. I felt zombie-ish as I mechanically parented through bath time, scriptures, and stories.
Nevertheless, I placed faith in what I hoped was the truth and trudged along.
As the decades passed, I never stopped to wonder if it was worth the time to read scriptures with the kids every night- even and especially on the nights I felt too tired.
We just simply did it.
I needed to believe in something larger than the lens available to me.
Somewhere along the way, the kids had to decide if the stories in these scriptural accounts were true….
If Christ walked the earth and if God was real…
Now- as news reports are filled with calamities and chaos. As a family of adults, we often text chat about a particular event as the promised signs of Christ’s return.

Calmness and peace are part of my daily story.
Not all day, every day-
Yet, it more so defines this season of life.
I’ve deliberately decided that choosing joy is just that- a choice.
And I’m so grateful-
Some moments of some days it’s easier than others.

So if you wonder what’s worth the effort and what’s not…?

If you wonder if your tireless efforts matter?
If you wonder if anything and everything you do that gets undone is worth it?
If you wonder if words on a page become messages written on a young heart?
If you wonder if you’ll miss your little people when they are grown and gone?
It’s all a resounding “YES”.

It’s all hard. It’s all worth it.
And I circle back to one of my all-time favorites…
“Keep loving.
Keep trying.
Keep trusting.
Keep believing.
Keep growing.
Heaven is cheering you on.
Today, tomorrow, and forever.”

Today, my joy is full. Two months ago, we received the next gift from heaven- a grandson.
I’m grateful for the perspective a new life brings and the reminder that any step or thought towards faith in God and His Son, Jesus Christ is worth every tired, mechanical, or zombie-like effort.
My hope is that if you’re in the phase of struggle, use a mirror filled with grace.
Breathe.
And lean on the strength available to you through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It’s how we get through and “see” what God needs us to know about Him.

2023 has been tough in a million invisible Goliath-filled ways.
But because I’m working to borrow God’s lens a bit better-
It’s also been the most blessed year yet!

Thanks for joining me in Cookies and Christ 2023!!

-JC

(Easy) Lemon Cake Bars

1 lemon cake mix
1/3 cup oil
1/3 cup water
1 cup sour cream
4 eggs
1 small package of lemon pudding

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Combine all in the ingredients and mix until smooth. Pour into a greased 10 x 15 bar pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 28-30 minutes. Remove from the oven and let cool completely. Frost with Lemon Cream Frosting. (A can of prepared lemon frosting will work if you’d like.) Drizzle with Lemon Icing.  Let set. Share.

Lemon Cream Frosting
6 oz. softened  cream cheese
6 Tablespoons soft butter
Zest of lemon
2 Tablespoons lemon juice
½ teaspoon lemon extract
2 ¼ cups powdered sugar
Dash of salt

Cream together cream cheese, butter, and lemon zest with an electric mixer until smooth. Mix in lemon juice, lemon extract, 1 cup of powdered sugar and dash of salt. Mix until smooth. Add remaining powdered sugar and whip on high for 3 minutes. 

Lemon Icing
4 Tablespoons lemon juice
2 cups powdered sugar
Dash of salt

Blend until smooth. Spoon into freezer strength Ziploc until ready to use.

A few years ago, I woke up one morning with nervous energy. I had been asked to teach a short class at a weekend retreat with the teenagers at our church.
I was also asked to fill my SUV with four of these bright brilliant beautiful people and head to a two-day “Girls Camp”.
My nerves were likely rooted in the idea that this was the first time I had been invited back to any kind of “Girls Camp” after having been dismissed “permanently” nearly 40 years prior when I was 13 years old- all on account of non-compliance.

I ate my breakfast of champions: toast and Diet Coke, grabbed my bags,
and headed out.
I started my rig only to be rudely greeted with warning signs and sirens indicating low air pressure with one of my tires.

I quickly exited my rig, frustrated that I didn’t have time for even a tiny crisis. My tire wasn’t just low, it was flat; the culprit- a nail- was visible. I brushed off frustration and entered problem-solving mode. I quickly pivoted, took my husband’s truck (with permission), and was on my way.

Our Girls Camp group met together, received instructions, and loaded up in the cars for an on-time departure. The only problem I encountered was that my reading classes were not in my husband’s truck. They were in the console of my SUV tucked away back at home in my garage.
The driving directions were in tiny font and I couldn’t even begin to read them.
Nevertheless, I had the help of a 17-year-old navigator.
We made it to camp great, but later that afternoon while returning to the cabin after an outing- I got lost.

We were in the woods in unfamiliar territory surrounded by dense vegetation.
I had the girls tell me which way they thought we should go at every crossroad.
Soon the road narrowed significantly and there was a drop off on one side. The fun chit-chatter in the car quieted and I noted the shift to silent fear.
I slowed to a stop and asked the girls if they thought it was the right time to pray for help. They unanimously indicated it was time and one of those beautiful faith-filled teenagers uttered a prayer pleading for help so that we could find our way back to the cabin.

I was thoroughly calm, though completely lost. I knew we had been headed in the wrong direction, but hoped the lesson in being lost and finding our way may be one we remembered for some time.

Within 10 minutes we circled back to the main road, found a gas station, and the rescue vehicle that was sent to find us.
The girls and I went in, filled the counter with snacks and sodas, and enthusiastically recounted the fun we had while being lost in the woods and finding our way out.

I may not have gained favor with the PIC (person in charge), but I’m hoping our truck full of girls better understood God’s availability to each of us.

The moment before we prayed felt tense. The mood had obviously shifted and safety felt a bit compromised. All agreed we needed help and needed it right then.
And God knew it all-
He also knew there were more experiences awaiting the girls at camp and that it was time to get back.

God’s love-
God’s timing-

Lost in the woods, I had let go of controlling the turns we took to initially find the cabin. I turned it over to the girls- knowing the route may not be direct. Such was not the most important path that afternoon.

Likewise, a perfectly direct path is not what matters most today. Arriving at the destination I seek is never more important than how I show up for the journey. God knows this perfectly and thus allows me to feel or even become lost in my level of agency.

My non-compliance with the schedule of Girls Camp that day may return me to the list of people less likely to be asked to attend again. 😉
But it was worth it to watch faith grow, and be inspired by a simple prayer uttered in complete faith that God heard and chose to quickly answer.

I reflect on this experience often as I work to better understand God’s availability to me. I begin with being honest and vulnerable as I approach him in silent and verbal pleas for the strength to let go of controlling the outcomes of life and submit to the joy of the journey.

God is 100% available to me but without hesitation, I understand that it is His perfect love and intent that allows my agency to play out. He is there with His Son to await me with perfect grace and nudge me to gain the same.

An untimely flat tire, or any other hiccup comes with it an opportunity to seek God and decide what I believe about how He can and may show up to lead me and guide me as I work to battle through the “stuff” that can lead me- based on what I choose to believe- towards or away from a belief in Him.

It’s all part of His perfect wisdom.
But without hesitation, I know. I am never lost to Him. His watchful eye and Shepard Son always have me within reach.
As my eyes and hand shift upward- that’s the faith They want from me to meet me where I am.

-JC

Scotcheroo Balls

1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup corn syrup
1  ¼ cups peanut butter
6 cups Rice Krispies cereal
2 cups milk chocolate or semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 cups butterscotch chips
3 Tablespoons Crisco or coconut oil

Mix sugar into corn syrup. Heat until dissolved, not boiling. Stir in peanut butter.  Fold into Rice Krispies. Scoop out 48 balls of Scotcheroos. Lightly spray hands with baking spray and roll balls gently. Prepare Chocolate and butterscotch chips for dipping by melting them with Crisco. Stir well. Dip each ball into the chocolate mixture. Garnish with additional butterscotch or chocolate drizzle. (I melted an additional ½ cup butterscotch chips with ½ Tablespoon Crisco for drizzle.) Let set. Share!

I typically hate road trips. But sometimes the opportunity costs to travel by plane are too great so I pour myself a large gas station Diet Coke, grab a bag of jalapeño Cheetos, (sometimes even) a package of crumb donuts, and hit the open road.

This particular day’s journey was expected to take about 4.5 hours.

A college basketball game was starting that I was interested in watching. Clearly, I couldn’t watch and drive (I don’t have a self-driving rig) so I looked for a radio broadcast.
My search turned up with only static so I started the telecast on my phone with only intent to listen to the game.
I was listening to the broadcast, following the game pretty well as I knew all of the players, their tendencies, and their strength in talent. At one point on an offensive possession, I heard a whistle blow. Instinctively, I looked down at my phone seeking out the reason for the stop in play. I quickly realized I had drifted near the shoulder.
It was not an emergent situation on the highway that day, but the challenge to “stay in your lane” has become a huge focus in my life lately.

I define it as the concept of claiming and owning what’s mine, but carefully and clearly turning over what’s God’s to God and what’s someone else’s – to them. It centers around understanding the importance of agency- using our own while allowing others the growth to use theirs as well. It encompasses the understanding that controlling a situation or outcome proves to never be God’s way or His desire for us. So I’m working to “stay in my lane”.

What I’ve learned-
Is that it’s impossible to do it.
I’m too fast, too slow, too impatient, and too lazy.
I can’t stay in my lane.
But I’m learning how to get back into it after I feel the rumble strip of God urging me to work a bit harder to get it right.

A few months ago, I met a friend for a walk up a hill. The locals call it a mountain. After traversing the switchbacks of real hiking I can only call it a “walk up a hill”. Nevertheless, I quickly came to love this hill, and any who would accompany me as I climbed.

On this particular day, I showed up with fire. I was energized and frustrated, and spit and sputtered my whole way up the hill. My friend listened and as we neared the top she asked me what I was going to do to solve my problem…

!!!

I knew the answer. I needed to course-correct and get back in my lane. God knows me and all of my imperfections. And He loves me anyway.
I love the idea that all God has to work with are imperfect people and He does His best and thus asks us to do the same.

It’s a great lens to look at life through.
So I take my imperfect-lane swerving self, distracted by ball games, opinions, and destinations and I talk them over with God.
He will often bring just one simple idea to my mind of one thing I can do that day to resolve my plight and stay focused on what and who matters most. He will do the same for each of us on our own journeys.

On that warm sunny day-
Following the spit and sputter, sweat and moments of breathlessness…
Peace followed the climb- as it so often does…

-JC

Peppermint Oreo Hot Fudge Brownie Sundae Bars

Brownie Layer:
1 18 oz. pre-packaged brownie mix without chocolate chunks (I prefer Dark Chocolate Duncan Hines)
2 Tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 Tablespoons cocoa
1 egg + 1 egg yolk
3 Tablespoons sour cream 
⅓ cup vegetable oil
⅓ cup whole milk 

—

2.5 Quarts Ice Cream (I mixed peppermint Oreo chunks into vanilla ice cream)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Mix together brownie mix with the rest of the ingredients for the Brownie Layer. Mix on medium speed just until blended. Don’t over-mix. Spray a 9” x 13” pan with baking spray. Place a 12” x 16” parchment sheet into the pan so that the 12” side of parchment lays in the 13” side of the pan and there’s several inches on either side of the 9” side. (You will remove brownie sundae bars from the pan before serving. This extra parchment serves as an easy way to remove from the pan.  This step can be omitted if you’d like to serve it straight from the baking pan.) Spread brownie mixture evenly over parchment paper lined pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 20+ minutes. Remove from the oven and let cool completely. Soften ice cream and spoon over cooled brownies. Spread out evenly. Freeze for 2+ hours. Flatten pieces of Peppermint Oreo Layer and place on top of the Ice Cream layer.  Freeze for 2 more hours. Just before serving, loosen edges with a knife then pull on parchment paper to remove from the pan. Cut into 24 squares. Serve with warm Peppermint Hot Fudge Sauce. Share!

Peppermint Oreo Layer
15oz package of Peppermint Oreos (I use the Trader Joe’s version- seasonal item)
6 oz. Cream cheese

Crush Oreos. Add softened cream cheese. Mix well. I prefer the food processor for both of these jobs. It takes less than a minute each.

Peppermint Hot Fudge Sauce
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 cup heavy whipping cream
¾ teaspoon peppermint extract
Dash of salt

Melt chocolate chips and cream in the microwave for 1 minute and stir until smooth. Stir in salt. Serve warm.

The hospice nurse told me to catch my flight back east and watch my daughter compete in her final collegiate track and field meet.

I hesitated and doubted her advice.
“I can’t do it. I can’t leave my gramma here to die alone…” was my nearly silent rebuttal.

My mind immediately flashed back to the previous fall.
The picture in my mind of the old man, small in stature and drunk, is still sharp and accompanied by a rise in my heart rate by the mere memory.
And yet, in the moment, I felt fearless, energized, and a bit hyped on adrenaline to be on God’s errand.
The drunken man raised his hand to strike me.
I leaned in, paused, and with deliberate, sharp words not typically part of my vocabulary, I dared him to just do it and hit me.
I seemingly fearlessly with strength, resolve, and power beyond my own –
came to my gramma’s defense.
I was completely prepared to be struck, accompanied by my resolve to call the police and press charges. I was ready to do whatever it took to put an end to years of abuse that my gramma had suffered.

The previous week, my sister followed a prompting from God to go check on Gramma. While on the phone with her, I momentarily hesitated as I checked my calendar to note a hefty opportunity cost to booking a ticket to accompany her. I quickly resolved my concerns with the idea that there was no way I could stay back and make my sister go alone.
At the time-
We had no idea the trouble Gramma was in. A neighbor tipped us off that the situation was declining and her health and safety were completely compromised.
But we had no idea the extent of her troubles…

With God guiding our steps- my sister’s skills proved clutch at the police station as she talked her way into a copy of the file with the restraining orders and multiple police reports.
We had no time to agonize over how this man had traumatized Gramma since marrying her a couple of years prior.
I spoke with Gramma every Thursday morning on the phone and had no understanding of all of the secrets she was keeping. I never noted even a hint of the distress she was in.

But the moment of God needing me to rescue her had come.
I gathered strength and courage beyond my own. We arrived at Gramma’s house the previous day with a surprise visit.
We told her we were going to have a girl’s weekend and asked her to let her new husband know we were going to be monopolizing her time.
They two had kept each of their personal residences since marrying but were primarily at my Gramma’s.
We dropped her off at her husband’s home to let him know we were in town for a quick visit and offered to accompany her inside.
We recently knew we had reason to be concerned but had not yet told Gramma what we knew.
I told her I’d keep the car running and stay outside as she asked, but that in exactly 5 minutes, we’d be coming inside if she wasn’t back out.
She glanced at me with curiosity and I confirmed my resolution.

Exactly 5 minutes later, my sister and I entered the home without knocking, stepping over a shattered alcohol bottle with its spilled contents.
The scene was unfamiliar to me. I didn’t grow up or have exposure to this type of tough stuff, but my purpose that day became very clear very quickly.

On this day- the story concludes that I was not beaten by this troubled man- and neither was my gramma.
It took a few months to get the paperwork and power of attorney in place for the final stage of rescue. Unfortunately, her quick medical decline followed suit.

Months later, sitting next to her bed, the hospice nurse told me that she was at peace.
The words echoed absolute truth. She had nearly 90 years of a hard life. She deserved peace-
But I had trouble reconciling leaving my perch by her bed.
The hospice nurse returned often. She saw my distress and conflicted heart wanting to be in two places at once.
Multiple times my gramma would try to open her eyes and speak. I wanted to know what she desperately was fighting with life to tell me.
The nurse shared with me that many times our loved ones can’t leave life until they have a moment alone. I again refused the idea that my presence was making this harder on Gramma.
The nurse then looked into my tear-filled eyes and asked me what I believed about where my gramma would go next.
Without hesitation, I told her she would be enthusiastically greeted by her Daddy and so many others. She was a Daddy’s Girl through and through and often told me stories of their adventures in planes, boats, and fast cars.
The hospice nurse shared my belief and spoke to my soul as she told me “No one ever dies alone. This room will be filled with people (who’ve also passed) who love her.”

Peace overcame me and I left to go to my daughter. Hours later, my Gramma was greeted by her parents and countless others who welcomed her home.

Everything in life is God’s work. He was teaching me that when He calls my name to help His children, He will specifically bless me and empower me with every ounce of energy and intelligence needed to accomplish His purposes.

In this experience, I greater understood God’s perfect love and His perfect plan for each of us as we work to help each other out in returning to Him.
And I better understood that although seemingly atypical gifts- my sharp tongue, grit, and fearless nature had a purpose in God’s work.
At least today… 😉

-JC

Browned Butter Iced Gingerbread Oatmeal Cookies

1 cup soft butter
2 cups dark brown sugar
½ cup molasses
2 eggs
3 cups flour
2 cups quick oats
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons ground ginger
2 teaspoons cinnamon 
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon ground cloves

Cream butter and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 2 minutes or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Scoop out approximately 24  2.5.” balls of dough. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake.  Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 12-14 min. Let cool. Drizzle with Brown Butter Icing. 
Let set. Share!

Brown Butter Icing
½ cup butter, browned and cooled
¼ cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Dash of salt 
2 ¾ cups powdered sugar

Heat butter in a saucepan on medium low until it foams and turns brown. Remove from heat and let cool. Combine the remaining ingredients and use a food processor or electric mixer to blend thoroughly. 

There was a fly in his lasagna. 
I saw it myself.  
The moment I approached his table, I was notified by his wife. My face undoubtedly reflected my natural reaction. He wanted more. 

Upon closer evaluation, I responded with curiosity mixed with “Huh?…sure enough…”
He wanted horror and disbelief from me to join the mood of the table. 
I didn’t have it for him. 
I simply said-
“What would you like me to get you instead? I’m assuming you don’t want to roll the dice on another plate of lasagna…?”

He was not amused.

“Just the check-“ He replied curtly. 

“Well I can assure you there won’t be one of those tonight.” I quickly replied. 

He immediately softened to almost concern. 
I was (obviously) 7 months pregnant, waitressing at a pizza-pasta place in a college town. 
It was a well-liked restaurant just past the edge of campus. 
He cautiously and carefully inquired more as to why and how I had the authority to comp his meal. 
I knew who I was. 
He didn’t. 

How many times have I found myself responding or reacting to someone else’s assumptions about who I am?

Countless. 

Most of us do so all the time without realizing it. 
The concern is-
Do we change who we are to meet the expectations of others?
Or- 
Do we calmly and confidently speak up and speak out, knowing exactly who we are?

Some areas of my life- I’m on point with doing this right, and some- I’m terrible. 
It goes back to reconnecting with who I am as a Daughter of God. 
It stems from living a life where the Spirit is and can be present.   
Then it’s fueled by the responsibility to speak up and speak out for truth. 
Truth- in all the ways I understand it. 
It’s fearlessly defending truth even when the questions feel more like darts at my decision making. 

Let’s take a note from Taylor Swift here…
Two of my three children have many of her songs on their playlists. Time spent with them over the years means I have Taylor on replay in my mind- and when her lyrics speak truth- it’s a great thing!
Like here-
Saying, “It’s gonna be alright.”
“Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
Shake it off, I shake it off”

I have to shake off any and everything that causes me to pause and hesitate to fill a certain role or meet an expectation someone else has for me. 
That’s not who God created me to be. 
I’m His daughter. 
I answer to Him. 

As I create a spiritually safe space to change and evolve into understanding and gaining further personal revelation as who God needs me to be and how He needs me to show up- 
In that safety, I align my thoughts with God. 
Clarity is then available for the taking. 
My walk and talk then prove I am His daughter. 
This is the legacy I’m working to create for my life. 

While I battle in the trenches to do so-
Sometimes there’s a hiccup- or a fly in the lasagna- and I know it’s not a problem. 
Because I’m a daughter of God. 

In 1990, there was a little star on my name tag- which meant I worked as an -on the restaurant floor manager- on my closing shifts. I had full authority and autonomy to simply do the right thing. 
This particular evening, it landed the restaurant patron an all-expense paid trip to the pasta bar, free dessert, and a comped check for his party of 4. 

So therein lies the point to the importance of the work to better understand who I am as a daughter of God and show up in all areas of my life accordingly. 

I’m His daughter. 

I answer to Him. 

-JC

Biscoff Blondie Bars

Biscoff Crust 
Crush 7 oz. Biscoff cookies
Add-
4 Tablespoons butter
¼ teaspoon salt 

Mix until well combined.
Press crust into the bottom of a greased 8” baking dish. 
Top with Blondie Bar Layer. 
Bake at 350 degrees for 38+ minutes.  These are gooey when first out of the oven and set up for cutting when they cool down. Let cool completely. 
Frost with Biscoff Buttercream Frosting.
Drizzle with jarred Biscoff Cookie Butter. 

Blondie Bar Layer
¾  cup melted butter
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 egg + 1 egg yolk 
2 Tablespoons sour cream
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 ⅓ cups all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
Mix together melted butter and sugar.  Stir in eggs, sour cream and vanilla; don’t overmix.  Add dry ingredients all at once.  Stir until texture is smooth. 

Biscoff Buttercream Frosting
½ cup soft butter
½  cup Biscoff Cookie Butter
1 ¼ + cups powdered  sugar
½ teaspoon vanilla
Dash of salt
2 Tablespoons whipping cream

Cream butter and cookie butter on medium speed for 1 minute.
Stir in powdered sugar. Add vanilla salt, and cream. Whip for 3 minutes.
Spoon into Ziploc bag until ready to use.