Cookies and Christ

A few months ago, I found myself watching every video or news report that covered the recent Maui fires.
I mourned for those who were panicked not knowing which way to run for reprieve of the smoke and fire that would take the lives of so many.

Our original travel plans had us in Hawaii the very week the tragedy struck.
But that’s not my story.

We pivoted plans and vacationed without incident the week before.
My kids all shifted their summer travel plans and we were able to create an impromptu trip cashing in years of banked airline miles and hotel points to gather together in Maui.

Our week together was filled with magical moments. At one point we were all in the ocean in waist-deep water. The waves were gentle as we chatted.
My granddaughter looked one way and then the other; she turned around again in the water. Her life jacket gave her the ability to float with a bit more freedom.
Her assessment- ”We’re having a pool party!!”

Everyone was there. It was a party indeed.
Everyone. No one was missing, working, or otherwise engaged. We gathered together.
It was magical and spiritual. It was eternal.
These are my forever people.
We are not a large family- 9 in total at the time. (10 now!!!)

We also know that moments together are not easy to come by and need to be celebrated.
The reminder was evident as images of ash took the places of the streets and restaurants we had visited the week before.

Where do I go from here with cherished memories for myself and yet grief for those whose lives have changed forever?

I have to resolve with God that at this moment- His plan for me is not the same as for some of those who perished in Maui or whose lives were changed forever on the heels of destruction.
This time- I was gifted the blessings of magical memories.
And yet, I know without hesitation that God forsakes no one. We simply have different challenges, tests, and trials of faith. At any moment as I look around, everyone I see has a story, including my own. They are filled with moments of joy mixed with agonizing grief.

I’ve learned I need to be more gentle with myself and others as I journey.

And I’ve learned that on my hardest days, gratitude lifts my mood and can change my outlook.

I recently was having a rough day or several moments of hard that I chose to focus on. I had not done well managing my expectations and the aftermath left me exhausted and grumpy.
I opened my phone’s Home Screen to see a photo I had placed there over a year prior.

It’s the Savior’s hand outstretched toward me.

I was reminded that lingering in fatigue and crankiness is a choice.
I quickly opened my notes app and scanned to find a file created a few weeks prior.
I scanned the list I had made and resolved to add to it.
I quickly typed:
“Pickleball. A place and a people.”

I had begun a note of things I’m grateful for and challenged myself to deliberately add to it during tough moments.
It’s helped me understand the things I believe in and can talk over with God.
It reminds me to look for ways He sees me.
The practice has helped me trade exhaustion, fatigue, grumpiness, and crankiness for a bit of God’s light.

Sometimes the path still feels dark and I have a choice-
I can faithfully take one small step. I can re-commit to a belief in a God. I am not gifted with His perfect lens in turmoil.
Thus-
As faith and a moment of energy to act on it become part of my story, I am then charged to turn to a neighbor to assist them in building their faith, strength, or resolve.

Today- I believe God just wants me to talk it all over with Him, to include Him, and to love His children, including myself, as He does. And He wants me to celebrate and focus more heavily on magical moments that dot the calendar pages of my year. God is showing up amidst the calamities and chaos of our fallen world- He doesn’t leave us…
His Spirit and His son, Jesus Christ are always and eternally united to help us.

I’m working to better see…

-JC

Red Velvet Marbled Sugar Cookies with Whipped White Chocolate Ganache

Make a batch of : Sugar Cookies
½ cup soft butter
1  cup granulated sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
6 Tablespoons sour cream
2 cups all-purpose flour
½  teaspoon baking soda
½  teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt

Cream butter and sugar with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in egg, vanilla and sour cream.  Don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Refrigerate dough for 2 hours. 

Make a batch of: Red Velvet Sugar Cookies
½ cup soft butter
1 cup granulated sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
6 Tablespoons sour cream
1 teaspoon red gel food dye
1 ½ Tablespoons cocoa
2 cups all-purpose flour
½  teaspoon baking soda
½  teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt

Cream butter and sugar with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in egg, vanilla and sour cream.  Stir in cocoa and red dye. Don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Refrigerate dough for 2 hours.

Place ¼ cup+ flour in a bowl. Use this to keep hands dry as you marble the dough. (Dust fingertips each time as you roll and marble dough.)
Scoop out 24 balls of each kind of dough.  
Place one of each cookie dough ball on top of the other.
Next, break the dough disc in half and stack. You now have four layers of dough in alternating flavors.
Break in half and stack again. Now, roll into a ball. You will see the marble effect. Flatten slightly. Bake at 350 degrees for 14-16 minutes, depending on size. Cool. Frost with Whipped White Chocolate Ganache.
Let set. 
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Whipped White Chocolate Ganache
2 cups white chocolate pieces
1 cup whipping cream
1 teaspoon vanilla bean paste (or vanilla extract)
Dash of salt

Melt chocolate into whipping cream. Let cool until room temp. (Your freezer can fast-forward this job.)  Whip with an electric mixer for 3-4 minutes. Spoon into freezer strength Ziploc until ready to use.

It was time. The stillness of the morning echoed the knowledge and surety of the decision. Thus- I leaned into that.
Hard…..

(I’ll back up the story a bit…)

My mom had called a few weeks prior in the early morning hour of 6 am. Dad was driving. They were together and he had a question for me.

I had assumed an early call from Mom (never typical) meant otherwise- like the emergency kind of otherwise. I’d been working with God on a big decision and felt like it would be easier if there was a big visible need to force the decision one way or another.

No matter what I decided, it would affect other people. Some would be sad. Perhaps even others – glad. 😉
Nevertheless, it was hard. It was really -Really -REALLY hard.

When you let people in and love them-
leaving them is hard- really hard- even if you only leave for a season.
The hard comes from knowing the next season together is never promised. God’s wisdom and timeline make it so.

So in the early morning hour, Mom’s call was inconsequential in my decision making. I was left with silence, my thoughts, and questions for God. I needed to know if it was time for me to return home…

I reflected on the advice I’ve given so many times in coaching.

“Stop spinning your wheels seeking for your answer and just seek connection with God.”

It’s actually so much less stressful and can begin immediately. The idea is to place cues in your spaces and places that remind you to pray.
To talk with God- throughout your day- all day -and tell Him the truth about what you feel and think. It includes prayers in silence or verbal communion- you get to choose.
But just seek connection-
potentially focusing on gratitude and love.

The success stories of those who’ve tried it aren’t mine to tell. But this one is.

It wasn’t long before my heart and mind aligned with God’s will for me.
I filled up an XL Diet Coke and grabbed a bag of Jalapeño Cheetos.
I had to-
Bren (my oldest) had taught me years ago. We were living in St. George Utah and he would come down from college seeking fun in the sun. Every road trip required Jalapeno Cheetos. I’ve adopted his snack of choice as my own ever since.

I’m not much of a crier, (Unless I’m hungry…😂) but I am sentimental at times and this was one of them.
Driving away was hard the first time, ten years prior, and seemingly harder the second. Dry eyes eluded me as I caught the reflection of sunrise in my rearview mirror.

It was time. The stillness of the morning echoed the knowledge and surety of the decision. I leaned into that.
Hard…..

So again I circled back to a quote that has been on replay in my mind.
President Nelson: “Of course it’s hard. Everything to do with becoming more like the Savior is difficult.”

The only way I feel like I’m becoming more like the savior is taken from a scene in His life where He overturns the tables at the temple.
I’ve overturned a lot of “tables” in my life…
But none of them have money changers and they are NOT in the temple so I’m pretty sure I’m still a major work in progress to becoming more like Christ.

My road trip concluded 10 hours later.
I couldn’t wait to go see my granddaughter. I needed her. She ran into my arms and I held her tight until she gasped for air and freedom letting me know the hug was a bit too long. 😂

It was time.
It was still hard to leave loved ones left behind two states away.
But the truth was sure and still…

I needed only to connect with God to hear it.

The joy greeting me on the other end of the road trip was immeasurable.
I could feel a nod from God and peace surrounding the hard but right decision marking a clear path on where God needed me-
For at least a season.

-JC

Reese’s Peanut Butter Krispy Treats

Peanut Butter Krispy Layer
Melt together:
6 Tablespoons butter
¾ cup creamy peanut butter
10 cups (16 oz) mini marshmallows
¼ teaspoon salt

Stir until smooth. 

Add:
2 cups mini marshmallows
7 ½ cups krispy cereal

Press ½ of Peanut Butter Krispy Layer into greased 9”x13” pan.
Melt ½ cup peanut butter into a quart size freezer strength ziploc.  Cut the corner and drizzle half of the peanut butter over the Peanut Butter Krispy Layer. Sprinkle 3 cups cut up Reese’s Peanut Butter cups onto peanut butter drizzle. Then drizzle remaining melted peanut butter on top of Reese’s.  Place pieces of remaining Peanut Butter Krispy Layer on top and gently press together.  
Let set. Garnish as desired with more melted peanut butter, milk chocolate and mini peanut butter cups (Trader Joes’s)

I sat at my table with morning light streaming through my windows.
My buttered toast had a perfect exterior crunch with a soft center.
I finished my Diet Coke, read a scriptural message, and stared out my window.
My prayer was simple-
“There’s so much hurt and hardship in this world.
What can I do to help…?”

I’d been pretty hard on myself lately – not keeping up with grace, weaning faith, and energy to go and do.
But on this day- I felt better and a bit more resolved that perhaps somewhere in my small corner of the world God could use my simple efforts to help lift another.
I knew what would come next…

A memory flooded my mind of my elementary classmates sitting uncomfortably in a circle, legs crossed, inches away from each other.
Well- I was uncomfortable. Many seemed just fine.
The teacher issued the instructions as she sat with us.
She would begin the activity by whispering a phrase into the classmate’s ear who was sitting next to her.
That classmate was to whisper the same message to the kid next to him and such would continue around the circle.
I was miserably uncomfortable from the beginning and whether real or imagined, the message whispered in my ear seemed to come with too much heat and spit that I couldn’t focus.
I didn’t want to be the weak link in the circle and didn’t think fast enough to realize no one would know where the message went awry.
My palms were sweaty as I tried to interpret the something “whispered” in my ear, guessing a bit while quickly passing it along, then relieved my turn was over.

The message no longer mattered.
I was so worried about receiving it correctly and sharing it the right way- I let my attempt be hurdled by my concerns.
It was time to rewrite that story.

Today, I knew what would come next-
It would be absolutely nothing demonstrative.
It would be the quietest, simplest thought….
And I would need to worry less if I understood it perfectly, or if I would go and do it just the right way…
I needed to lean in and listen to the whisper as best I could.
That’s how God would let me know how I could help.

As I looked out my window noting the beauty of the cloud formations strewn across a blue background, I knew I needed to work harder to listen.
I knew I needed to act on thoughts I’d had when I’d felt no energy to do so.
God’s never told me to fly across the country, put on a yellow vest, and help in hurricane relief.
I think He wants me in my neighborhood, lifting where I stand, with whatever strength I can claim.
If I rise to that call- He will likely bless me with another whispered thought.

I’m needing to silence the worthless noise, focus less on my weaknesses, and simply Hear Him.
I know how it plays out.
The thoughts don’t usually come as I stare out the morning window.
I get busy with my daily tasks. As I’m here and there (mentally and physically) there are people I can reach out to. It’s usually when I’m in a hurry, hungry, or feeling tired. NOT in the energy of a new day. Thus, I have to work a bit harder to identify God’s voice.

so

So I’ll try today, and again tomorrow to do it better, and in all of it, I’ll be grateful for the message from God and it’s delivery. No heat, no spit nor sputter- just gentleness and kindness.

-JC

Frosted Snickerdoodles

Snickerdoodles
1 cup soft butter
¼ cup vegetable oil
¼ cup sour cream
1 ¼ cups granulated sugar
1 ¼ cups powdered sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 ½ cups all-purpose flour
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt

Cream butter, oil, sour cream and sugars with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Scoop out approximately 24+ 2” balls of dough. Gently roll into Cinnamon-Sugar Mixture. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 13+ min. Let cool completely. Frost with Cinnamon Cream Cheese Frosting.
Let set.
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Cinnamon-Sugar Mixture
2 Tablespoons granulated sugar
2 Tablespoons powdered sugar
2 Tablespoons ground cinnamon
Toss together. 

Cinnamon Cream Cheese Frosting
8 ounces softened cream cheese
½  cup soft butter
2 teaspoons cinnamon
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 Tablespoons whipping cream
3 cups powdered sugar
Dash of salt

Mix cream cheese and butter until smooth. Stir in cinnamon. Add vanilla extract, whipping cream, powdered sugar, and salt. Mix until fluffy. 

My husband and I were lounging around late on a Sunday evening. We had just hosted a large group of friends and family for dinner.
Goodbyes were followed by dishes, folding tables, and chairs returned to the basement and each of us tuned in to our personal devices to see what had happened in the rest of the world.
As I wandered onto the Redfin Real Estate app, my husband received a text. It was an update with a diagnosis and a treatment plan. My niece was 10. She lived with her family a few states away in Washington- a familiar territory where we had raised our family, moving away just before our daughter reached high school.

My husband followed the receipt of the text with a phone call. His brother seemed overwhelmed and yet calm. No doubt a response to the responsibility of a very difficult circumstance for his family.
“What is your plan?” my husband asked his brother.
Upon his response- I quickly quipped “Is that sustainable?”
Immediately I noticed my husband and I caught each other’s eyes. It felt like a big moment with a big message and the cell phone had nothing to do with it.
It was absolute truths being spoken about what God needed us to do next and it was followed by a hefty dose of me doubting my abilities.

Sometimes I wish that last phrase wasn’t part of my story that seems to be written on replay.
But maybe it’s what drives me to my knees repeatedly – first to repent for frustration, doubt, and fatigue.
And secondly to ask “Now what do I do….”
In the quiet moments that follow I get clarity.

This particular message came with the task of our 7th move in less than 10 years.
I know too much to dwell on what makes it hard.
The people I get to meet and share my life with for a season or two are always worth everything else that’s exhausting and uncomfortable.

Months into my new assignment from God, I was blessed to circle back to Arizona to a cherished relationship following the third move measured in this decade defined by change and chasing God’s will.
I showed up at her daughter’s wedding. I assume she knew I was invited but she also knew I had moved a time or two since we were blessed with a closer association. I thought about telling her I was coming but thought it would be more fun to surprise her.
And so I did.
She’s the type of friend I will love forever. I feel blessed to have shared a few seasons of our lives together. She’s also the type of friend that I would’ve gotten into a fair amount of shenanigans with had I known her in 1987.
I just adore her. She’s a woman of strength and fortitude for circumstances that seem unfair in many ways.
And yet- I marvel at her faith.
She keeps trusting, believing, and walking in faith.
And-
She’s taught her brilliant beautiful people she gets to claim as children to do the same. It was a beautiful wedding on a beautiful weekend hosting memories and moments worth cherishing.

A few days later, I returned to Washington with renewed energy and faith to get this chapter written in a way that pleases God.
I delight in the idea that I’ll get to circle back someday with 3 of my new favorite people I’ve truly come to love in this chapter.
The oldest is clever, gentle, and the quiet hero- invisible cape- type of guy.
The next is resilient, smart, and has an incredible sense of humor.
The youngest demonstrates the most tireless efforts of bravery in anyone I’ve ever met.

All 3 motivate and inspire me daily to try a little harder to be a little better.
I’m excited to continue to watch them grow, learn, and see just how carefully God is in the details of their lives and how perfect and individual His love is for each of them.
I can see -as in all the prior moves –
How mindful God is of me as well.
He sees me.
He knows me.
His perfect love always results in the blessings I need most that I don’t even know how to ask for.

-JC

Apple Pie Carmelitas

Spiced Oat Crumb Mixture
Mix together:
1 ¼ cups packed brown sugar 
1 ½ cups all-purpose flour 
2 cups quick oats
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons cinnamon 
1 teaspoon nutmeg

Add: 1 ¼ cups browned butter.
Stir until pea-sized crumbs form.  

Press 2/3 of the mixture in the bottom of a 9×13 pan greased with baking spray. Bake at 400 for 12 minutes.

Apple Pie Filling
8 medium apples, peeled, sliced and cut into pieces
3 Tablespoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1  cups brown sugar
½ cup all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons cinnamon
¾ teaspoon nutmeg

Toss apples in lemon juice and vanilla extract. Combine remaining ingredients in a separate bowl, stir, then fold into apples.  Depending on how thin apples are sliced and desired softness, place in a microwave safe bowl and pre-cook for 5 minutes in microwave,

Remove Spiced Oat Crumb Mixture from the oven and spoon on Apple Pie Filling. Press down gently.
Sprinkle remaining Spiced Oat Crumb Mixture over the top and return to the oven for 35 minutes. 
Let set. 
Drizzle Caramel Sauce over the top of each piece when serving.  Serve with ice cream or whipped topping if desired.

Caramel Sauce
1 cup sugar
6 Tablespoons melted butter
½ cup slightly warmed cream
1  teaspoon sea salt

Heat sugar in a saucepan on medium-low heat.  Stir every 30 seconds. Sugar will initially clump together and then melt and turn an amber color. After all the sugar pieces are melted, remove from heat. Stir in butter.  This mixture may splatter a bit until mixed in.  Stir in cream and salt.  Let cool until ready to use. 

The opportunity costs seemed high…
Independence
Exploration
Financial success

I couldn’t sleep.

I had already said yes- but I knew I could change my mind and move on.
I wasn’t ready to be pinned down, get married, and fall into the roles of wife and mother.
I had been taught they were noble choices for life-
But I had an innate sense of fear of missing out on all of the unknowns for the bougie pant-suit-filled big city life I had imagined and hoped my future would hold.
I would look important, be important, and do important things as I walked the big city scene in my high-dollar wardrobe.
I was going to be “someone”

By saying “yes” and following through with the marriage proposal that was just 12 hours old –
Somehow I knew I’d be trading my dreams in for a very different reality.
My choice was big and very real.

But perhaps my dialogue needed a shift.
It’s a bit dramatic to sound off saying I would have to trade my dreams in for a different reality…
What about leaning into a different dream? Perhaps one I hadn’t considered or thought I knew enough about- instead of running away from it…

My heart was troubled over the next few days as I worked to sort out what I thought I knew and wanted.

Lately, I’ve felt the weight of a troubled heart again in my life. And similarly, it came on the heels of me feeling like I already knew the answer. Specifically –
God’s answer for this season of life.

Here’s what I’ve learned-
Sometimes our hearts get troubled. A simple prayer I sometimes utter is “Heavenly Father, please calm my troubled heart.”
He probably understands why it’s troubled more than I do. These are times when it’s easy to get frustrated with myself that I even feel troubled.
I circle back to grace. God’s grace is perfect and sufficient. I need to take note, lean on that, and extend the same grace to myself so that it’s more available to people around me. I have learned this. I feel like in so many ways I’ve nearly perfected it, but I am frustrated that I keep having to try so hard.
Why can’t grace itself just be easy?
Why can’t just knowing it’s important, agreeing with myself and God to have it-
Why can’t that be enough?
Why is the doing so hard?
It’s the same concept as so many spiritual journeys.
It’s not just a checklist all at once. Like- I check it off and it’s done. It’s like understanding and exercising the miracle of forgiveness. Sometimes we have to forgive over and over again. Grace is the same way. Sometimes we have to exercise grace for ourselves over and over again even if it’s the same situation. I’m grateful that the Exemplar of Grace does NOT hold back, only allowing me a certain number of times to get it right.
Christ truly is the perfect example. He gives me (and you) as many chances as it takes to get it right. I’m trying to learn to do that for myself.

Because-
I know God just wants me to keep trying. He wants me to keep trusting and keep believing. He knows there’s hope, health, and happiness ahead. He needs me only to believe, put aside fear, and flex my faith.

33 years ago I traded one dream for another. On that very day, 33 years after I married my college sweetheart, I was blessed with a week away with the people I love most. I never could have understood the joy this new dream would lead to. Nor could I understand the depth of the type of “someone” I was capable of becoming as I let God guide my life.
I’m grateful now and then-
I’m grateful I worked with God to let Him calm my troubled heart and flex my faith with a white dress and a new dream.

-JC

Peanut Butter Pie Cookies

1 cup soft butter
1 cup granulated sugar
⅔  cup packed brown sugar
2  eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cream butter and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in egg and vanilla; don’t overmix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Add 1 Tablespoon more flour for high elevation. Scoop out approximately 16 1.5” balls of dough.  Gently roll.  For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly, and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 12 min. Let cool completely. Pipe peanut butter Cream onto each cookie. Drizzle with melted peanut butter and Peanut Butter Fudge Ganache. 
Refrigerate until serving. 
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Peanut Butter Cream
8 oz. softened cream cheese
¾ cup creamy peanut butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 ½ cups powdered sugar
Dash of salt
16 oz. thawed Cool Whip

Mix cream cheese and peanut butter together until well blended. Stir in vanilla extract. Add powdered sugar and salt and mix on high for 3-5 minutes. Fold in thawed Cool Whip. Spoon into two different gallon sized Ziploc bags. (This will make it easier to handle.) Refrigerate until ready to use.
Drizzle with Peanut butter fudge icing

Peanut Butter Chocolate Fudge ganache
½ cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
¼ cup creamy peanut butter
2 Tablespoons soft butter
2 Tablespoons whole milk
½ teaspoon vanilla.

Melt chocolate chips, butter and peanut butter in microwave for 30 seconds or until mixture can be stirred smooth. Stir in milk and vanilla.

I rode the 4-wheeler down the dusty rows a bit faster than I had been advised to do.

The set of wheels came on loan with my promotion. The new position had no title and no specific list of tasks- which happened to be great for my potentially undiagnosed ADD.
Undoubtedly the gig was so far superior to the first one I had taken that summer after my Sophomore year of college. –
The first job was selected purely based on potential financial gains.

I was working in a factory.
My task to be repeated every several seconds over my 8-hour shift was to quickly grasp a handle from the box and place it in the slot of the machine as a plastic cup rotated onto the top location.
Seconds later the machine heated the union and another large plastic soda mug was ready for wherever it had been ordered from.

Grasp a handle.
Slide it into the slot.
Repeat.
For 8 hours.

Did I mention I worked the graveyard shift? It was worth a few more pennies an hour.
The job was miserable and I was miserable doing it.
Daily, I scoured the newspaper’s Help Wanted section looking for different temporary work for the summer.

One day- I saw an ad to pick strawberries. The pay was 25 cents per quart.
Due to my Iowa upbringing and countless hours of experience harvesting from our family’s gardens. I deemed myself more than qualified. After my first few days on the job, my expectations regarding my performance proved to be correct.

Boss man saw my quick work and decent people skills and I was promoted to harvesting cauliflower and broccoli and selling it and the other produce at the roadside stand.
When I saw my new ride – a four-wheeler with an attached wagon, I was so grateful for my new summer job.

This looked fun.

My boss asked if I knew how to drive it.
I had never even been this close to one of these magnificent machines before and without hesitation I lied and said “Of course!”
I quickly figured it out and before long, I was headed full-throttle to the far fields. I excitedly harvested the day’s vegetables in preparation for the roadside stand to open.

Each day- I’d report to the fields just after dawn, harvest, and return the produce to the stand. It was a great gig!

One week before my last shift of the summer, I carelessly sliced my finger open as I cut the cauliflower spears.
Thus-
I rode the 4-wheeler down the dusty rows a bit faster than I had been advised to do.
Dripping blood all over the handle, I told my boss I needed a bandaid-

Six stitches later, six days later, I got married.

33 summers have since passed.
There’s likely been a million decisions since the pivot of summer jobs from the depressing factory to the sun-filled days on the farm riding my (boss’) four-wheeler with the wind in my hair and dust marking my previous path.

The best decisions I’ve made and continue to make are deliberate.
They are the result of counseling with God- but not just on my knees…
Usually, it’s out for a walk, the accent of a hike, mowing the lawn, driving in my car, or at my Kitchen-aid.
My decisions are also riddled with mistakes that result in literal and figurative stitches, scars, bumps and bruises.

Through life’s experiences, I know for sure God only has imperfect people to work with. Thus- I can continue climbing through my discipleship grateful for do-overs and God giving me as many chances as it takes to get “it” right.

Read it again…

I can continue climbing through my discipleship grateful for do-overs and God giving me as many chances as it takes to get “it” right.

How are you climbing?

-JC

Oreo Cake Bars

Oreo Crumb Mixture

Crush 18 oz. Oreo cookies into crumbs.
Set aside 1/2 cup of crumbs for garnish.
Add 6 Tablespoons melted butter and ¾ teaspoon of salt to Oreo crumbs. 
Mix together.

Prepare a 15’ x 10’ pan with parchment/baking spray.
Pat Oreo Crumb Mixture into a prepared baking dish. Spread Chocolate Cake Layer over top. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes or until done. Cool completely.
Frost with Oreo Cream. Refrigerate until ready to serve. Garnish as desired with Oreo crumbs/additional Oreos
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Chocolate Cake Layer
1 boxed chocolate cake mix (15 oz.)
1 3 oz. package instant chocolate pudding mix
½ cup vegetable oil
½ cup water
1 cup sour cream
4 eggs
Mix all ingredients together with an electric mixer on medium-high speed for 2 minutes. 

Oreo Cream
8 oz. softened cream cheese
20 crushed Oreo cookies
16 oz. thawed Cool Whip
Mix cream cheese and Oreo cookies together until well blended. Fold in thawed Cool Whip. 

A new friend voiced an observation to me – about me -that pierced my heart.
I had sought out a friendly pickleball game like I did most mornings this past summer. I was grateful this group let me into theirs- to share time laughter and friendship on the courts. As we were packing up to leave one morning after a few hours of play, I was voicing concern about being frustrated with getting my serves in play, consistently. I felt like I had already mastered this part of the game, and seemingly without warning, my techniques and muscle memory had stopped working.
Listening to me bemoan my troubles, my new friend quickly replied “ Wow! You’re so hard on yourself…”
Her assessment stunned me. Those were not words I wanted to be said about me. I have spent so much time working over the past few years to try and master grace for myself so that I could have a legacy of extending it to others freely. I’ve worked tirelessly to understand grace through the eyes of my Savior, as He extends it to me. I’ve been working to mirror His discipleship by extending it to myself, and therefore, seeing that it becomes extremely easy to offer to any and all whom I have the opportunity to cross paths with.
Knowing all of this isn’t the same as doing all of this. I thought I was doing kinda, sorta okay –
I found out on the pickleball courts as I packed my bag to leave, that there was no mastery at all. There was only weakness.
In short- I’m trying to be Christlike and it’s hard. 😉
I left for a trip out of town for my niece’s wedding determined to figure out how to let go and return to a place of grace.
During my week away, I began by hiring the most beautiful, brilliant, strong, wise, and talented pickleball coach I could find- my daughter.
She was tough but loving as she instructed me to stop relying on muscle memory. It was why I was missing my serve so often. She told me to begin anew by being deliberate with technique, slowing down, and taking my time. We met each morning at 7 a.m. before she went to one of her other two jobs to walk me through good form and function in improving this pivotal part of my game. Every morning I would serve hundreds of balls, resulting in a slight improvement and an extremely sore arm.
More importantly that week, I looked into my soul trying to figure out why extending grace to myself had become increasingly difficult despite all of the committed work I had done, and notable progress.
I tracked it back to some potential mental muscle memory.
I had moved back to the town where I raised my kids. It was my 7th move in 9 3/4 years. I felt a bit nostalgic as I returned to a place that felt so much like home for so many years. Unfortunately, I picked up old habits. I was working so hard trying to get my new gig “right”. I was trying too hard on my own- to the fault of failing to recognize that faltering and falling was going to be a huge part of this chapter.
Equally though, I was being blessed with energy and ideas beyond my own to help make it right when I couldn’t get it right on my own. God was trying to help me, but I kept getting in the way.
It centered around being deliberate with tireless energy and focus on trying not to fall down and more effort on getting back up by taking my Savior’s outstretched hand.
My niece’s wedding week was filled with cherished memories including dancing with Dad and my sisters at her reception. These moments are fleeting. I’m always grateful as I near the season of my parents’ birthdays that I’m blessed to have another year of celebrating with them.
I also took from my week away- an adjustment to my pickleball serve which – with continued practice – is changing the trajectory of my game.
Likewise- I’ve centered on renewed energy to return to a life of grace- receiving it from Christ and working to anchor my life around it.
Daily (even multiple times daily), I’ve talked openly with God about all of this-
Frustrations, joys, cherished memories, gratitude for help in pickleball and life and so many details in between.
I know He hears me.
I know He wants me to talk it all over with Him and then listen as He lets me know that many blessings come now, some will come later, and some will wait until heaven-
But-
His love and timing in all of it are exactly what I need.

-JC

(The Best Ever) Rice Krispy Treats

6 Tablespoons butter
10 ½ cups (16 oz.) mini marshmallows
½ teaspoon salt
10 oz. marshmallow creme
9 ½ cups Rice Krispies
1 ½ cups (additional) mini marshmallows

In a large microwave safe bowl, melt butter with marshmallows for 1-2 minutes.
Stir in salt.  Stir in marshmallow creme. Stir until smooth. Add Rice Krispies.  Fold over thoroughly until combined. Stir in remaining marshmallows. Pour into a greased 9 x 13 pan. Spray hands with non-stick cooking spray. Use your hands to flatten and even out treats.
Let set. Share!

I pulled into the gas station, unbuckled my toddler from her car seat, clasped her hand, and tried to keep up as she excitedly ran into the market with me.
She headed straight for the refrigerated drinks, and without exchanging very many words, I pulled the small carton of chocolate milk from the shelf and handed it to her. I poured my fountain drink of choice, a Diet Coke with minimal ice from the soda station and headed to the counter to greet the checkout clerk.
My daughter cradled her chocolate milk tightly. The attendant nodded, noting that she didn’t even need to let go of it for him to tally it up. We left with our drinks and headed down the street to what became a very familiar Monday lunch break. On days when the weather was nice, I let her get out of her car seat and climb the steps up-and-down with her hand in mine as I steadied it. Days when the weather was cool or windy, my daughter climbed into the front seat on my lap.
We sang together-

“I love to see the temple.
I’ll go inside someday
I’ll covenant with The Father…”

She didn’t know the words very well and certainly did not understand their significance or the life-saving ordinances that accompany that choice. But I hoped that she would remember the happiness she felt and someday connect that to her constant unwavering availability to talk to God.

Decades have since passed.

I recently found myself back in the time, place and space where so many memories were made and many have come flooding back as part of the roads traveled in raising a family in SE Washington.

There are memories and moments I want to remember- and so many I had hoped to forget forever.
Maybe that’s harsh.

Forgetting is the easier step. The truth is, I have to work to forgive myself for ways I tried to journey that don’t emulate many of the ways I hope to show up today.
So many of the days I came to the Monday lunch stop – I felt broken inside… weak, exhausted.
I rarely returned Tuesday-Saturday to worship and serve in the temple.
I felt like I didn’t have the energy, time or a strong enough desire.

But I loved God. And I prayed I could raise a daughter who was a stronger, more resilient woman than I saw myself to be.

Sometimes these memories break my heart a little.
Sometimes my resolve to teach my kids strength and fortitude make me wince a bit, because of the missing components.

It was a worthwhile effort…
I just wish there was a hefty dose of grace taught alongside it.
I now know that it’s okay to be tired, weak and broken…
Especially when we extend grace to self and seek to walk the roads with our Savior, relenting our own strength and resting in His.

Occasionally, I still find myself stopping for a fountain Diet Coke, and walking by the refrigerator case to see if there’s a carton of chocolate milk…
The memory of my toddler’s favorite Monday lunch stop reminds me of the unseen strength available through Christ… and His angels.
I know firsthand the power and help of these angels from experiences of faith.
I’ve also learned the best way to magnify my tired, weak efforts is to go to the house of the Lord- to worship, to serve, and to call on angels to help a momma out!

-JC

Lemon Coconut Cookies

1 cup soft butter
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
1 egg + 1 egg yolk
2 teaspoons lemon extract
Zest of 1 lemon
2 ¾ cups all-purpose flour 
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 cups white chocolate pieces
1 ½ cups flaked coconut

Cream butter and sugars with an electric mixer on medium-high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs, lemon extract and lemon zest; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Gently stir in white chocolate and coconut. Scoop out approximately 20+ 2” balls of dough. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 12+ min. 
Let set. Share!

I sat on the edge of the mini trampoline in my son’s backyard and watched my granddaughter show me all of her new tricks as I visited with my amazing daughter-in-law. They had settled nicely into their new neighborhood they had moved to a year prior and seemed to be on a good trajectory.

I had brought a gift for my grand-daughter-
A new book.
We settled in on the trampoline side by side as we opened the cover.
She looked at me and simply said “You came back to us…”
She had a sweet content tone as she simply stated the resoluteness and I’ve pondered her phrase countless times since.

I had moved to a different town a few states away several months prior. Instead of seeing her multiple times a week, weeks would go by in between my visits. She understood I wasn’t there as much but clearly had no capacity to understand the why.

It’s the idea of coming back, her calmness in noting it and seemingly all at the same time excusing my absence.

It’s how I believe God feels when I distance myself from talking with Him, hearing Him or following Him.
A complicated question I find myself asking is “Does God have expectations of me?”

He’s all-knowing. So if He knows what I’ll do- does He actually expect anything of me?

I feel like His great gift to me is agency. When I fall short of using that gift wisely, how do I course-correct?

It’s simple-
I circle back.
I come back.

It’s easier than packing a suitcase and boarding a flight.

It’s a conversation- between me and God…

He knows, but I tell Him anyway. Acknowledging where I fall short gives it a place and space to grow and evolve from. Then I recommit to trying harder to be a little better in even one moment of my day. Then move forward with grace for myself for falling short and resolve to circle back-

Because coming back is filled with absolute indescribable joy.

-JC

Salted Caramel Cheesecake Brownies 

Brownie Layer
Make up a brownie mix (16-20 oz) as directed.

Spread ½ of Brownie Layer evenly onto greased/parchment lined 8” square aluminum baking pan. 
Spoon and carefully spread Salted Caramel Cheesecake Layer onto Brownie Layer. Top with remaining Brownie Layer. Bake at 350 degrees for 38+ minutes or until set. (This will vary depending on size (oz.) of brownie mix used.)
Let cool. Drizzle with Caramel Fudge.
Let set. Share.

Salted Caramel Cheesecake Layer
8 oz. softened cream cheese
⅓ cup packed brown sugar
1 egg yolk
½ teaspoon vanilla
⅛ teaspoon salt
1 cup mini chocolate chips 

Beat together cream cheese, sugar, egg yolk, vanilla, and salt until smooth.  Stir in chocolate chips.

Caramel Fudge
⅓  cup caramel sauce
⅔ cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Melt together caramel sauce and chocolate chips. Spoon into freezer strength Ziploc until ready to use. (Heat gently just before drizzling onto brownies.)

I hate birthdays.
Not yours… just mine. 😉
I don’t know why.
I dread them and only feel relief when the day is over.
It’s not an age thing- not fear of getting older- bring it!
But rather just the layers of expectations plagued by a day of celebration.
Is this a dramatic response to a day that’s simply supposed to be filled with unlimited Diet Coke and an acquisition of cake?
Yes. Why yes it is.
Still -it’s how I feel. And since this is my blog- welcome to my brain about my birthday. 😂

This past birthday I awoke at 4 a.m. feeling stuck.
A bit mental – of course…
But literally physical. My back, hips, and any other large muscle group that exists in my mid-back through my calves were having the wrong kind of party all at my expense.
I could hardly rotate to free myself out of the usually comfy place of refuge- my bed…
I used gravity to aid my exit and put aside thoughts of unbalanced water chemicals and with a strong hitch in my giddy-up, I headed to my hot tub on my back patio.
There would be no sunrise despite my 4 a.m. wake-up call. The air was thick with smoke from brush fires hundreds of miles away.
I pondered the end of one year and the beginning of another.

I’ve noted what I believe to be a long list of signs that the world is getting a bit rougher as we near the return of the Savior.
I can’t say that I’m surprised. – I’ve read the Book of Revelation and I believe the warnings and prophesies contained therein.
But in the early morning of the beginning of another year of life- I assess how I’m doing.

I’ve been working to regain grace too much to make it an early morning pity party of regret.
Rather- I assess my discipleship and my goals of how I can work a little harder to be a little better in helping Christ do His work here on earth.
I know these are thoughts He wants me to think about as nearly instantaneously the adversary tries to take up space next to me.

I know there will be some pivots in my life this year. Change is on the horizon.
And yet the strongest prompting today is simply to choose joy.

Just over a year ago, I purchased an inexpensive necklace with that very message. “Choose Joy”. I never took it off and yet felt like it was a daily reminder to focus on the good and be a part of bringing good to the spaces and places I went.
One day it broke.
The- can’t be fixed because it was cheap- kind of broken. I looked online for a replacement and in the subsequent days, Amazon had all sorts of suggestions for a new necklace for me.
I deliberately chose a different message. One that has proven to be exactly the message I’ve needed to lean on this year as I’ve been stretched to grow in unexpected ways.
“I can do all things through Christ.”
If there was more space on the pendant – it might have been helpful to include the following phrases-
“Including the things I’m not good at or don’t want to do, but don’t want to not do if God wants me to do them.”

So where do I go from here-
Stretching first in hopes I can loosen my back and get some pickleball in. If that’s too big of a birthday blessing to hope for then I guess I couple the past mantra and my new one as etched in cheap metal.
“Choose joy as I work to do all things through Christ”
This next year isn’t going to be easy. I know from experience- none of them will be as we near Christ’s return.
But all things are possible through Christ.
My journey to assessing His power and the privileges and blessings available to each of us begins in my heart with faith.
I then imagine Christ and I having a little chit-chat. On days I feel strong, I can come to Him to talk over the things I’m not getting right but also to unload my stresses, and tough stuff. He wants it and I don’t- so it’s a pretty good working relationship. On days my strength is depleted I look for Him to come to me- to meet me right where I am. (I love that I know this is how it works. It’s part of Christ’s perfect example of grace.)
Next- I move my feet in the direction I feel He wants me to go.
The steps seem little and often nearly useless in the grand scheme of things, but joy accompanies the idea of taking them.

So this year on my birthday as I shallowly breathe smoky air, I summarize three birthday wishes/goals…
*I recommit to stronger discipleship with renewed energy
*To take care of myself with better, more purposeful stretching to rid the hitch in my step- physically (and spiritually)
*An acquisition of cake.
After all-
“Men are that they might have joy.”
And I’m working to keep choosing it!

-JC

Butterfinger Topped Peanut Butter Cookies

1 cup soft butter
1 cup peanut butter
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 egg+ 1 egg yolk
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Cream butter, peanut butter and sugars with an electric mixer on medium high for 1 minute or until fluffy. Hand stir in eggs and vanilla; don’t over-mix. Add dry ingredients all at once and mix until fully incorporated. Scoop out approximately 24 2” balls of dough. Gently roll. For a richer flavor and smoother texture, form cookie dough balls, flatten slightly, and refrigerate or freeze until ready to bake. Place on greased or parchment paper on an aluminum cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 12 min. Let cool completely. 

Spread a spoonful of Butterscotch Chocolate Fudge onto the center of each cookie. Immediately top with chopped Butterfinger candies.

Let set. Share.

Butterscotch Chocolate Fudge
1 1/2  cups butterscotch chips
1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

Melt together. Use while still warm so fudge is easy to spread.